I think this is based on degree of willingness to forgive. You guys will forgive Ennis for way more than I will.
Well, some of us have to forgive Ennis if we're ever going to forgive our own Inner Ennis.
personally do not feel that he gets a blanket Get Out Of Jail Free Card for the way he treated JAck, Alma Jr, and do not forget his girlfriend of five years Cassie!!!
I would add Alma to that list.
A different person in a different world might have broken off the marriage before it happened, and a jilted-but-young Alma would probably have gotten over it eventually.
I don't think it's just the Earl incident that messed up Ennis. The Earl incident is a powerful image, but I think it was used in the story and the movie as a way of capturing an entire violently anti-gay culture. Presumably it wasn't just seeing Earl's body in the ditch that scarred Ennis... that one image just drives home the horror to the readers/viewers.
And... well, self-hatred and guilt really can paralyze people.
And Ennis's fears were reasonable, in many ways. Marge is right about family court... Alma wouldn't have given up custody of Alma Jr. easily, and courts tend to give custody to mothers anyway, and... it would have gotten ugly. And the way rumors spread in a small town? In many ways, Ennis was a realist (especially in contrast with Jack-the-dreamer), as well as being paralyzed by self-hatred.
Ennis was right, he didn't have wings, did he? Had them torn off by his father. Then folded Jack's wings for him in the wild columbine, doing what his daddy taught him to do (that long, rather oblique speech in the story 'explaining' the punch). Ennis couldn't see a way to fly, soon enough, even though I try to believe he would have, given more time with Jack after their confrontation.
Fernly, this is beautiful. Sad, but beautiful.