Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Sophia]

in an ambulance??

i'd rather not.

OK, I can repaint the ambulance, but I am sure you want the sirens. 

[Mandy21]

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks,

       Where are you going?"
     
     He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."  She says, "Why, are you sick?"  He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."
     
      Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
     
      He says, "Where the hell are you going"?  She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."  He says, "Why, what do you need?"
     
      She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot!"

[Mandy21]

-------- Two Swedes in a boat 


Two Minnesotans, Ole and Sven, were adrift in a lifeboat. While  rummaging through the boat's provisions, Ole stumbled across an old  lamp.

He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth. This genie,  however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Ole immediately blurted out, 'Turn the entire ocean into Schmidt  beer.'

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and  immediately the sea turned into Schmidt beer and the genie vanished. 

Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the  two men considered their circumstances.

Sven looked disgustedly at Ole whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment Sven  said, 'Nice going Ole!

........Now we're going to have to pee in the  boat.'

[Kerry]

IRISH SAUSAGES

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them; they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'

They downed their Drinks.

Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'

[CellarDweller]

 

[Mandy21]

 

Kerry, I am sending that one on to all my Irish friends right now.  I can picture them all, sitting straightlaced and bleary-eyed at their desks this early in the morning, drinking their first cuppa tea,

and spitting it all over their computer screens when they read this.

Thanks.

[Sason]

Did you already OD on overly sugary Xmas songs?

Here's the cure:


[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6K8bHm_OgzM [/youtube]

[CellarDweller]

Happy New Year Kerry!

I hope that 2011 brings you
great things and happy memories!

[Kerry]

Happy New Year to your too, Chuck!

Here's how we celebrated the New Year here in Sydney:

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1699ga06aTI[/youtube]

(Best viewed in full-screen with sound on high)

[Kerry]