Our BetterMost Community > Chez Tremblay
Secrets and Lies...
YaadPyar:
OK - hear me out if you would. Just doing some musing on another board, and wondering about something I wanted your thoughts on.
In my life, as I grow and change and try new things, it's my friends and family - those I love the most - that I turn to for support and insight and use as a sounding board. We share the journey together, and that's the basis for our relationship deepening as well.
So - what happens when that process is turned on its ear? What happens when you see BBM, and it creates a HUGE internal shift, and you're trying to understand your thoughts and feelings, and trying to swim though the tidal wave of emotional upheaval, and the very folks you always turn to, you are now hiding from.
Instead of confiding in your closest friends, you stop talking to them about the movie and yourself in relation to it, and you reach out to total strangers who can offer you the friendship and support you need. What does that do to the existing relationships when you can't share some of the most profound feelings and needs with them? What's the impact of making new friends that you hardly know, and yet feel deeply connected with?
When the source of inspiration is a secret, is the support in your own life for change less visible or less available, and is the impact of it hidden even from yourself? What is the result of having to hide something so important? We joke about not telling people about BBM, but secrets & lies are always insidious...I wonder what the impact of not being able to speak more openly is on our own personal development and experience.
Does the "secrecy" of your experience mean that the impact of BBM in your life is also hidden - maybe even from yourself? Just thinking out loud.
silkncense:
I know exactly what you mean. I have been sadly surprised by some responses to this film.
I am thankful that both my sons watched it; one giving it 5 of 5 *'s & the other placing it - if not in his top 10 at least in his top 25 films. But my college best friend has become a far-right devotee & will not even respond to my suggestion she see Brokeback. In this case, the relationship appears to be, if not ending, than certainly not on remotely the same level for more reasons than Brokeback.
So, I try to realize that not everyone has the same reaction to any piece of art. I still tell people about Brokeback & what I feel it means. But, I discuss it with people who see it the same.
Lumière:
Cheers for starting this thread yaadpyar...Here is my own BBM experience with friends:
One of my girlfriends (huge Q as F fan) went and saw the movie a while back. She was not 'shocked' by the sex scenes as some people tend to be, but she came out of it with the impression that it was a lust story, not a love story. We talked about it for a bit, I gave her my ideas as to why this was definitely not a lust story, and she completely understood and changed her view on it. It didn't take much to convince her, so I know that she just hadn't given it enough thought. After that, she just kinda moved on from the film.
A few other friends saw it, some liked it, some thought it was average - I always brought up BBM to them and they eventually got sick and tired and started threatening my life if I wouldn't give it a rest ;D
Another friend didn't even see it, she is very homophobic and even got disgusted by my BBM desktop wallpaper. She belongs to the "I don't hate gay people, just their homosexuality" camp and I stopped discussing the subject with her altogether. She compares homosexuality to child molestation and other heinous crimes; I always get pissed off and frustrated with such discussions, so I have refrained completely from discussing this subject with her...So no BBM discussion on that front...
So on the whole, my BBM experience has been very intense, right from the moment I first saw the film in theatres in January, to reading Annie P's novella, to joining the BBM IMDB forum, to being here with all of you. The movie itself affected me on a very personal level, I am okay with that, even if I can't completely get people around me (friends/family) to share the experience with me. If people close to me are not 'open' enough to make me feel they can be privy to my 'BBM secrets', it's not the end of the world ... it won't make my experience any less personal or spectacular, and it definitely doesn't mean that its impact is hidden from myself or others :)
RouxB:
Ah, Celeste-is this why I spent Saturday in bed in a funk? I am feeling pretty isolated these days-in part due to my inability to quit BbM and these message boards-precisely because I am unable to relate to my friends right now. And I have spectacular friends. They are a little bit concerned about me and this addiction-hell, I was concerned about me-so I don't feel safe or comfortable talking about it with them any longer. Since it, by necessity, consumes a good deal of my waking (and sleeping) hours, to eliminate that part of my life from my interractions with them pretty much eliminates me talking. I come here for support and validation for this piece of my life. Perversely enough, one of the messages I got from movie was about taking more control of my life and this isolating myself is not exactly accomplishing that.
O0
Ellemeno:
Very timely for me, Celeste. I'm about to go spend some time with a group of dear friends, women I've know (some of them) for well over a decade.)
Pretty much what RouxB said. I also have spectacular friends. They all know I "really like" BBM, that I even have a BBM t shirt (and I rarely wear clothing with pictures/writing on it, so they get it's a big deal from that too).
To a few I've fessed up to the supreme geekiness of being a moderator on a BBM forum. But no one knows how often I've seen it, except my husband, and actually now that I have the DVD, even he doesn't know how often I watch parts of it, or search the short story for a word that starts with some certain letter for the ABC game.
And as a rule I'm a very forthcoming person. So when I'm not telling something that needs to come out, that thing starts to feel like a clog in a stream, that other things that need to flow out can't find their way around, and then my stream gets more and more clogged with debris. Ya know?
Celeste, you described me very well in your OP. I learn a lot about what's going on with me by talking with people. And I'm not talking with people nearly as much because of the secret clogging my stream of words. And then that heightens the importance of this forum, too much so, and I expect too much, because I am trying to get too many needs met in one place.
So anyway, most Monday mornings i get together with some dear old friends. I've been missing it about half the time these last few months (something I never used to do). Last night, I asked a friend to come pick me up, to MAKE myself go. She'll be here in a few minutes.
Do I have to tell them I'm so BBM-focused? Is there another way to unclog the stream of words? I do really miss my friends, and it's my own doing.
I'll report back.
Clarissa
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