Our BetterMost Community > Chez Tremblay
Secrets and Lies...
serious crayons:
I really hope I don't put anybody off, but I'll have to confess that I am way more Ennis-like than you guys about my obsession. Beyond praising the movie to the skies (which I do to everyone I know), I don't tell anybody about the extent of my obsession because I know how weird they would think it is, because I myself would think it was weird if it weren't happening to me. I have always felt Trekkies and Star-Wars fanatics were a little weird. I have always felt people who spend all their free time chatting with strangers on computer message boards were a little weird. And now that I've become one of those people, I guess I'm just not confident enough to boldly proclaim my eccentricity to others and let them take it or leave it. Those of you who can do that have my admiration, but I'm more self-conscious than that.
So there's only one person in the world, my best friend, who even comes close to knowing about it (she herself has seen it four times and checked out the imdb board), but even to her I haven't admitted the full extent of my involvement in these message boards (and of course she doesn't even know about this one's existence). Most people -- husband, kids, other friends -- think I've seen the movie only two or three times (real answer: seven). And even when I tell them that much, they look at me strangely, which makes me uncomfortable. The last time I mentioned something about it to my best friend, she said, "You're scaring me." She likes the movie a lot but is not obsessed. So I guess from now on I will shut up with her, too. As I said in an earlier post, I did mention in passing the seven-times figure to my therapist, and when she gave me an odd look I decided not to go into it with her, either.
Another part of it, though, is that after all these months, that friend is the only person I know who has EVEN SEEN THE MOVIE. I'm really baffled by this. My friends aren't homophobes, and most of them like movies. I don't know why they haven't taken my urgent advice to see it, or even responded to all the reviews and the post-Oscar backlash. But that's their problem. They don't know what they're missing.
When they finally do see it, I will also judge them according to their reaction. If they don't like it at all, I'll be appalled and disappointed and scornful. If they love it, I will be pleased. But I frankly don't expect anybody to share my reaction and start thinking about it day and night.
After all, I think we're pretty special, when you consider how few people in the world, out of all the people who've seen it, are like us. There are the couple hundred of us on this board, plus the people on the imdb board and Dave Cullen's board and I guess you'd include those who've made YouTube tribute videos and so forth. And there are probably some poor souls who are equally obsessed but don't know about the message boards and therefore don't have any outlet for their feelings. On the one hand, that's a lot of people, but on the other it's a fraction of all those who've seen it and probably enjoyed it in a more limited way.
Anyway, all this is to say that I am grateful on a daily basis to have found you guys. We might not have anything else in common, but the fact that we are all on the same page about this one thing is, I think, something to be cherished.
Someday I hope, like Sarah, to find my obsession fading, because it really is interfering with my productivity, and also because I get uncomfortable keeping this huge secret from everyone I know. But every time I start to feel even for a moment like I might be drifting away from Brokeback I get sad. It has become such an important part of my inner life that I am just not ready to let it go yet.
henrypie:
To get a little closer to topic: my friends don't know the extent, the depth, of the obsession. My sister probably comes closest to understanding, and my dear dear husband sees all the outward behavior and, to his enormous credit, accepts the unfathomable, to him, motivations below. (If we could fathom each other, what would we argue about? Bah, no fun.) I definitely have the Me Like Brokeback syndrome, and if I find myself inarticulate on a subject, GOD FORBID, I shut me mouth.
And to veer back off-topic, I must say that the very presence of you guys in my life started to skew my relationship with Brokeback Mountain early on. I became as interested, and eventually more interested, in my new friends than in the thing that brought us together.
ednbarby:
--- Quote from: Ray on April 18, 2006, 04:12:59 am ---This is a great thread Celeste. I'm very much enjoying every post. I agree with Chanteraise and the gold fish in the bag for Elle. PML at
--- Quote ---"Me...like...Brokeback Mountain."
--- End quote ---
--- End quote ---
I PML at that one, too, Ray. It must be another aspect of The Fever - I simply cannot adequately articulate by using my vocal apparatus what this movie means to me or even why, exactly, it is by far the best movie I have ever seen. Not even to the fellow Brokies in my non-cyber world. I wonder if I would be able to if not for the existence of this place and all of you beautiful people in it, just out of necessity alone. I still think not.
Chanterais:
--- Quote from: yaadpyar on April 17, 2006, 10:41:15 pm ---So even though I can't talk about the movie with everyone, I've stopped fencing everything in. I can be friendly enough, but I've been too careful about not letting life or even people touch me. I don't want to keep that same distance anymore, and don't really need to. I feel like now I've got something to bring to the party, and I'm gonna give it a bit of a try.
These changes are so subtle. I don't know that anyone else can see them at all, but I feel them. And I feel lighter and freer and more relaxed. Not having an outlet for myself made me so critical of others - them being what I couldn't - but now I haven't the will to impose such violence on myself...to force mysefl into such a small corner of my heart and try to live that way.
I am so appreciative of being able to have a place to learn all these things about myself, to share a bit of this journey and not feel so alone in it. I am so grateful not to be Ennis or to be my father, looking back in regret at what might have been.
--- End quote ---
I love you Yadie. You're such a smarty-pants. Let's be friends.
--- Quote from: henrypie on April 18, 2006, 11:59:47 am ---And to veer back off-topic, I must say that the very presence of you guys in my life started to skew my relationship with Brokeback Mountain early on. I became as interested, and eventually more interested, in my new friends than in the thing that brought us together.
--- End quote ---
Same here. I feel a bit sheepish admitting that, like I don't deserve my Brokeaholic status. But getting to know some of you folks has in many ways been even more moving than the film. I've never been part of an on-line community before, and it had been wondrous and pleasureable beyond my imagination.
--- Quote from: Aussie Chris on April 18, 2006, 01:10:37 am ---So be gentle with me as I pick out a comfy chair in the Chez Tremblay forum and start to work on some of these issues.
--- End quote ---
Oh, AC, you're always, always welcome. And don't worry, all the chairs are comfy here. Except that blue one in the corner - the springs are a bit dodgy.
--- Quote from: ednbarby on April 17, 2006, 10:15:32 pm ---When I went through my Overwhelming-Infatuation-With-Joseph-Fiennes-And-All-Things-Shakespeare-In-Love phase eight years ago (has it been that long?), I had photos of him (only as Will Shakespeare, mind you) and Gwyneth Paltrow and Judi Dench, but OK, mostly of Joseph Fiennes as Will Shakespeare plastered all over my cube. It was like a shrine. People stopped by just because they'd heard about it and wanted to check it out. I'm obsessive but I'm no fool - I know they had a good little laugh at my expense every so often. But they still came to ask me for my movie recommendations, or to help them remember this actor's or that director's name whenever they couldn't - "Oh, ask Barb. She'll know." And they said that with only a smidgeon of mocking in their tone.
The other day, I was talking with a longtime co-worker about movies (what else?), and she was saying how she'd just rented "The Merchant of Venice" - the version with Al Pacino "and that guy you used to be ga ga over - what was his name, again?"
I like to hope they all find my little obsessions amusing, endearing, and only slightly frightening.
--- End quote ---
Barb, you're so wonderful. I love your obsessions. You're like a dog (maybe Layla) with a bone, getting every last bit of goodness from whatever you latch on to. And I admire how you don't disown your past infatuations.
However, I'm a little alarmed at your infidelity to Ralph. Although, with Joe's brown puppy eyes, I do understand the temptation to stray. I have to ask, though: is your sweet little duckie named Will in honour of a certain someone?
But I find you so endearing, amusing, insightful, and not at all frightening. How lucky am I to have gotten to know you?
YaadPyar:
--- Quote from: Chanterais on April 18, 2006, 01:29:05 pm ---
I love you Yadie. You're such a smarty-pants. Let's be friends.
--- End quote ---
Oh - it's completely mutual, don't ya know. I'm pretty sure we already are friends!
After the 'apple pie' thingy on the "What We Learned About Food & Drink from BBM" on IMDb, you were marked as a friend for sure. No one that funny gets away from me...
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