At first I thought you meant "tear" as in crying tears, now I think you mean it in the sense of ripping - is that right? Or both ??
I haven't watched it by myself at home at all & was actually extremely apprehensive about doing so until a while ago when I was fortunate to see BBM on the big screen again with some fellow Brokies (even though I am very much a loner in RL too). At this viewing, as well as being blown away as expected, on another level I somehow felt quite relieved & had a sense of "it is only a film", & I mean that in the sense that prior to this I had built up so many emotions etc associated with it that it had grown into something huge, taking over my life, etc But then watching it again, as well as being deeply affected, I was also able to enjoy it as the brilliant film it is, taking in the amazing photography, the dialogues, the scenery & all. By not watching at all I had been denying myself that. I did feel I should be able to watch it at home by myself to enjoy it but am still am wary cos I know I will fall apart & will not have the solace of fellow Brokies being around afterwards. I'm in a bit of a limbo state at the moment & to be honest, will probably not be watching it anytime soon. But then again I might surprise myself, with a good stiff drink or several on hand. Having such a complex reaction to it myself, I find your reaction is perfectly understandable!
What a shame we can't all magically transport ourselves to a theatre somewhere & watch together.