The World Beyond BetterMost > The Culture Tent
I Love Funny Country Songs!!
loneleeb3:
--- Quote from: injest on May 02, 2007, 07:21:22 pm ---well Jeff has a fan or two out there...(have you seen the size of his 'gun'??)
::)
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
--- End quote ---
LOL! No, the picture is so small I can't hardly see nuthin!!
Jeff Wrangler:
--- Quote from: injest on May 02, 2007, 07:21:22 pm ---well Jeff has a fan or two out there...(have you seen the size of his 'gun'??)
--- End quote ---
Hey! That's privileged information. Need to know basis. >:( ;D :laugh:
injest:
--- Quote from: Jeff Wrangler on May 02, 2007, 09:31:57 pm ---Hey! That's privileged information. Need to know basis. >:( ;D :laugh:
--- End quote ---
define 'need'
8)
injest:
Artist/Band: Reed Jerry
Lyrics for Song: Lord Mr. Ford
Lyrics for Album: Jerry Reed Live, Still
Well, if you're one of the millions who own one of them gas-drinking, piston-clinking, air-polluting, smoke-belching, four-wheeled buggies from Detroit City, then pay attention. I'm about to sing your song son.
Well, I'm not a man appointed judge
To bear ill-will and hold a grudge
But I think it's time I said me a few choice words
All about that demon automobile
A metal box with the polyglass wheel
The end result to a dream of Henry Ford
Well I've got a car that's mine alone
That me and the finance company own
A ready-made pile of manufactured grief
And if I ain't out of gas in the pouring rain
I'm a-changin' a flat in a hurricane
I once spent three days lost on a cloverleaf
Well it ain't just the smoke and the traffic jam
That makes me the bitter fool I am
But this four-wheel buggy is
A-dollaring me to death
For gas and oils and fluids and grease
And wires and tires and anti freeze
And them accessories
Well honey, that's something else
Well you can get a stereo tape and a color TV
Get a back-seat bar and reclining seats
And just pay once a month, like you do your rent
Well I figured it up and over a period of time
This four thousand dollar car of mine
Costs fourteen thousand dollars
And ninety-nine cents, well now
{Chorus}:
Lord Mr. Ford, I just wish that you could see
What your simple horseless carriage has become
Well it seems your contribution to man
To say the least, got a little out of hand
Well Lord Mr. Ford what have you done
Now the average American father and mother
Own one whole car and half another
And I bet that half a car is a
Trick to drive, don't you
But the thing that amazes me, I guess
Is the way we measure a man's success
By the kind of automobile he can afford to buy
Well now, red light, green light, traffic cop
Right turn, no turn, must turn, stop
Get out the credit card honey, we're out of gas
Well now, all the cars placed end to end
Would reach to the moon and back again
And there'd probably be some poor
Fool pull out to pass
Well now, how I yearn for the good old days
Without that carbon monoxide haze
A-hanging over the roar of the interstate
Well if the Lord that made the moon and stars
Would have meant for me and you to have cars
He'd have seen that we was all born
With a parking space
{Chorus}
Come away with me Lucille
In my smoking, choking automobile
injest:
The Credit Card Song
Jerry Reed
Well, I guess this story must begin
That fateful day a way back when
I decided I should have a credit card
So I filled out this application
Listed all my recommendations
Sent it off in the mail
And in a month or so the mailman brought me my brand new charge-all card
Better than checks, safer than money, and not near as dirty!
Well it laid around for a couple of days
And finally I thought "What the hay?
Why not see if this thing'll really work!"
So I went down to my favorite store
Picked out three or four shirts or more
A pair of pants and a strip-ed tie
And the man came by and said:
"Yes Sir, cash or charge?"
I said: "Just put it on my credit card
Write that dude up! Ahhh, convenient!"
Now I put that card away in a drawer
And I never charged one dollar more
Then one day in the mail I got this bill
Typed on a card all full of holes
That says do not staple, bend or fold
Was the astronomical figure of thirty-two hundred dollars and forty-two cents......When?!
There's been a mistake!
So I got on the phone .... "Hello? Hello?"
I got Mr. Black and Mr. Brown
And then I got the run-a-round
'Til finally Mr. Green came on the line
I said "Sir, this may be hard to take
But your computer's made a mistake
It says I owe more money than I've ever seen"
And he said "People like you make mistakes
Computers do not lie
Send us the bread. PDQ!"
Well this had just about done me in
So I grabbed that computer card again
The one with all those holes punched out so nice
And I threw it on the floor and I stomped it twice
And then I whipped out my pocket knife
And punched out a few more holes where there hadn't been no holes before
And I bent it double.....
Stapled it across the end.....
Drove my car over it.....
Stick that up your computer!
I sent her back in and never heard no more
'Til one day the mailman came to the door
With a special delivery from the charge-all place
Inside was a note from Mr. Green
Said: "We ran your card through our machine
And it tells us that you overpaid your bill!
Enclosed is a check payable to you.....
For nine thousand dollars!
We appreciate your business"
Well I got back on the phone again, called Mr. Green
And he was i,
And I said: "I think there is something you should know"
Then I told him what the computer had done
And I said "Just remember, you're the one....
That told me computer's do not lie
Thank you!!
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