BetterMost Community Blogs > My "Great White North"
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch
injest:
good morning Del.
I know that with the immediate crisis, confronting your sister is not an option but Fiona is right...and at some point you will and it will be hard...but it will improve your relationship. I stopped talking to my mother for a year and it really made an impression on her that I was serious about her knocking off the insults.
You will 'hit the wall' one day. It will just have to wait for while I think..
:-\
delalluvia:
Bitch of the day - my sister.
She doesn't have vm, yes? As per my above rants?
Today I'm at my mom's, mopping, doing dishes, filling up things, watering, just helping around the house and my mother asks if I will call my sister to see if she called in a prescription to the local pharmacy.
I call from my mother's phone, not thinking I will get her, but I try anyway.
To my surprise, my sister answers and she, in a hurried, impatient voice, snarls
"What do you want?"
Note whose number is showing up on her caller ID?
Her sick mother.
That is how she addresses her.
Bitch. >:(
optom3:
--- Quote from: delalluvia on August 01, 2008, 12:44:00 am ---You poor thing {{{optom}}. Thank you for this. I will definitely keep it in mind. I, too, can be blamed for not saying things in order to keep the peace. Matter of fact, I just did a ritual tonight to Juno Lucina for a friend of mine whose daughter is giving birth and to Juno Viriplaca to keep the peace in the family. While things need to be said, I decided, why cause trouble now? Make mom's last months tense and miserable? This won't last forever, then there will be a reckoning.
Whew. My mother doesn't hold a candle to yours, optom. For which I'm very thankful. She is truly ill and would very much not like to be -as we all would.
I would like to have it out with my brother and sister, but my sister can be petty and vindictive and holds grudges for a long time. She is not above character assassination and poisoning events and relationships to get her way or drum up sympathy for herself. My brother, even though he's the oldest and has an equal stake in the estate, does very little to help and my mother does not pressure him like she does us girls. They had some falling out years ago and are just now repairing their relationship, but what the falling out was is a deep dark secret, so I can't really give him flak for not doing his part since I don't know what the standoffish issue is between them is. He might be perfectly justified. [shrug] Dunno.
But I will keep your words in mind. Thanks so much.
--- End quote ---
Note I was not that brave. I waited until I knew I would be many thousands of miles away, very soon, before opening the whole can of worms.What it did for me, was almost like having a cancer cut out. I truly am not exagerating. For the best part of 20 years I had let the situation go on.I had let it eat away at me bit by bit, as I became more and more bitter.It was really in danger of completely destroying me.
The opening my mouth and letting years of anger etc out into the open was like opening up an abscess.Sure it hurt, as I am not naturally vindictive, but the realease way more than compensated for that.
I knew I stood a real chance of being ostracised by the family, but how much worse could it be than what I was going through.In the end after a very long break in communications, it turned out to be the best thing I ever did.
I was not brave though, it took me 20 years , several Vodkas and the protection of the telephone before I plucked up the courage to open the pressure valve.
I wish you the courage to do it way before I did.Look after yourself, as it sounds like no one else will.
delalluvia:
Two months ago, the French policeman who is an internet friend of my sister's e-mailed us both. He is coming to Texas. My sister agreed to put him up for his short stay.
I believed based on his message that he was coming through for about 3 days, Friday through Saturday. Seeing as he would arrive on a weekday, I thought it would be best if he stayed at my place instead of my sister's because I'm within walking distance of a lot of places. Her home is in a residential area far from any place of interest. I could leave him a key and he could walk around until I got home from work.
So I volunteered.
A week or so later, my sister let me know that he was actually coming in on a Wednesday night and she was getting a day off and if I could get a day off we could each show him round before the weekend, he would never be alone.
A few days later, I was having lunch with a friend and mentioned this to her.
She stopped eating and stared at me.
Her: That doesn't sound like the Del I know.
Me: What do you mean?
Her: Do you often invite strange men you don't know to spend the night at your place?
Me (flustered): Er, no.
She made me realize belatedly, that I had just invited a total stranger to spend 3 nights alone with me.
Do I know the guy?
No.
He's my sister's friend. A guy she met on the internet. I met him several times. Once in London, and he showed us around Paris for a day or so, we visited his home. I think I exchanged perhaps a paragraph or two of conversation with him.
He says he is a policeman.
Have I or my sister seen a badge? No
Have I or my sister seen him in uniform? No
Did I see in his home a picture of he and his buddies, perhaps in uniform? No
All I have is his e-mail address but it is a government e-mail address in France
And my friend also threw in the fact that he had come to visit my sister, not me, so perhaps it was just as well that I withdraw my offer and instead just take over my niece's care as well as my mom's for the weekend so that would free up a bed in her house and give her more time with her friend. I would still take a day off and drive him around so he would never have a reason to need to walk anywhere.
I thought it a good enough compromise and e-mailed my sister.
She didn't respond, so I figured, she agreed and no big deal.
Today, 3 weeks later, I asked her what day she was taking off from work, so I could take the other. She responded that she didn't think she could take a day off, but that didn't matter since he was staying with me anyway.
I was like, Whoa. Didn't you get my e-mail I sent a few weeks ago?
She replied, Yes. [silence]
She got my e-mail and just ignored it because I wasn't telling her what she wanted to hear.
So I hammered my points home again.
She blew up.
She accused me of being immature and that if he couldn't stay at my place, then she didn't need my help or need me to entertain him at all. I could just not bother.
I'm like WTF ??? This is HER friend and she's pissed off that I changed my mind and I won't put him up?
This is one of those situations where I'm not allowed to inconvenience her, you see.
Not this time. I went right back at her that I was perfectly within my rights to change my mind if I had a good reason and I did. It wasn't immature and I was being perfectly reasonable and why was she throwing such a tantrum about it?
I could understand her being dismayed if he was flying in the next day and I suddenly bailed, but his visit is still about 3 weeks away. Plus I had e-mailed her earlier in the month anyway.
She tried the martyr route - "Fine, I'll have to spend my birthday weekend cleaning, thanks to you."
I told her to get off the cross because her birthday weekend was this weekend and she still had the weekend after to clean before he flew in.
So right now, again, basically, if she doesn't pull her head out of her ass and grow up 15 years in the next 3 weeks, she is going to condemn her friend to who has flown 3000 miles to see her to sit in her home, without any company, telephone, cable, computer or any place near to walk because she didn't get her way.
My co-workers and friends were, And this is HER friend, right?.
I'm like, Yup. This is what a good friend she is. [shakes head]
So despite the fact that I didn't do anything wrong, I'm all stressed out due to this latest fight.
Grrrrrrrrrrr
injest:
oh GOOD for you, Del!
DON'T let her in your head like that...you did EXACTLY the right thing. PERFECTLY.
as far as you are concerned it is over....she invited him, he is HER friend, NOT your problem!
stuff her!!
;) ;) ;)
I am proud of you for standing up to her, you put up with enough stuff from her with your mother that you HAVE to deal with, don't let her dump this on you too.
(and just to be catty....if she wouldnt' let her house GET so bad it wouldnt' take a whole weekend to get ready for a visit! *MEEEEOOOWWW*)
:laugh: :laugh:
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