BetterMost Community Blogs > My "Great White North"
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch
delalluvia:
--- Quote from: Kelda on July 31, 2008, 03:49:37 am ---Oh dear Del, big hugs and kisses from me.... you're not having an easy time of it.
--- End quote ---
Thank you, you're sweet. :-*
delalluvia:
Much arguing with my sister this morning over her inconsideration for others when she is inaccessible because she doesn't have vm.
We went back and forth for a while, until she finaly came out with what I always suspected, but I finally got to read in her own words.
1) that she didn't care if people were inconvenienced trying to reach her
(this includes her own mother, dying of cancer) >:(
2) that if they really needed to talk to her or leave a message they could call me
(I am now her personal secretary, taking and screening her calls and messages) >:(
3) that the messages were never important
(to her. That other people may feel the message is important is not something she concerns herself with) >:(
At this point, I just dropped the conversation before I said something I knew I would not regret but would eventually pay for. Selfish, self-absorbed bitch, like I always suspected. :P
injest:
you know I can understand not wanting to be on a leash but when you have power of attorney and your mother is deathly ill..
you put yourself to the side. It is not like this is going to be a permanent thing. selfish describes it perfectly.
optom3:
I am posting this in the hope it might help you. My mother is a class A1 bitch and hypochondriac. She has been dying for 20 plus years and her second home is the local private hospital. She is unpleasant in the extreme and when I was in the U.K everything I did was wrong, period.She told me my oldest son should never have been born,then when he started to show signs of problems she told me he just needed a good smack.Then a couple of months ago on the phone she asked me when I knew how ill my son was, why on earth had I moved to a country where I could not get cheap psychiatric drugs.
He is now ill you see, up until recently he was badly behaved, lacking in discipline and just generally poor parenting.
She now blames his genetic father for his problems, despite the fact my brother has ADHD I am bi polar and she is a raving lunatic.
Long story short, when I told my brother who lives in Japan we were moving to the states, he was unfucking believable. Who was going to look after mum if anything happened to dad.
I pointed out she has been dying for a good 20 years, all the time he has been in Japan and all the running around had been done by me.I had held my tongue for so long, every Xmas when he came home and told me not to be so hard on her blah blah. I just opened my mouth and let rip.Told him if he was so concerned then he could move back.He does not live with his wife and daughter and his job is done on computer.So he can work anywhere.I could not just leave my husband with 3 kids and a full time job while I popped back to the U.K to open another bottle of pills for mum.
I ranted on and on,aid I had done the last 20 years he could do the next.
It took several months for us to talk again, but in the end he emailed me to say sorry, and how selfish he had been.He also admitted that he would have killed her years ago.
I also ranted at my mum as well.All the insults she had hurled at me all the times I wasn't good enough,telling me my oldest should not have been born, telling her it was the longest ongoing death in history and why did she just get on with it and stop making everybodies lives a misery.Most of all my fathers.She too cut off communications for a good while.In the end I had to ring her and apologise as my dad rang me and sad she was making his life even worse.So I gritted my teeth and apologised.That was followed by the why take an obviously sick child to the states.!!!!!
Then the final blow, so she thought, she had persuaded my father to rewrite the will, leaving everything to my brother, and his daughter.Everything being a very substantial sum.
I don't give a fu-k about me, I can't believe she would be so callous to her other grandkids.My bother mailed me about it and said he had told her to stuff it and as he pointed out, she will probably outlast my father, and cost all the money she has left in 24/7 nursing care.
My point is, maybe just have it out with your sister.It worked for me and my brother, eventually.I sure felt a hell of a lot better once I ha said it all.He needed some home truths and we are now really close.So maybe it would work for you.The change was not overnight it took a few months, but it was worth it.
I hope some of this may help your very unenviable situation.I can't believe how long I put up with both my brother and mother before completely blowing.As a byproduct, my blood pressure came down !!!! So I could come off meds. for that.
I wish you luck in dealing witha selfish sibling.I truly do know how that feels.There were lots of reasons for moving here, but one was certainly in part my mother.
delalluvia:
--- Quote from: optom3 on August 01, 2008, 12:24:08 am ---I am posting this in the hope it might help you. My mother is a class A1 bitch and hypochondriac. She has been dying for 20 plus years and her second home is the local private hospital. She is unpleasant in the extreme and when I was in the U.K everything I did was wrong, period.She told me my oldest son should never have been born,then when he started to show signs of problems she told me he just needed a good smack.Then a couple of months ago on the phone she asked me when I knew how ill my son was, why on earth had I moved to a country where I could not get cheap psychiatric drugs.
He is now ill you see, up until recently he was badly behaved, lacking in discipline and just generally poor parenting.
She now blames his genetic father for his problems, despite the fact my brother has ADHD I am bi polar and she is a raving lunatic.
Long story short, when I told my brother who lives in Japan we were moving to the states, he was unfucking believable. Who was going to look after mum if anything happened to dad.
I pointed out she has been dying for a good 20 years, all the time he has been in Japan and all the running around had been done by me.I had held my tongue for so long, every Xmas when he came home and told me not to be so hard on her blah blah. I just opened my mouth and let rip.Told him if he was so concerned then he could move back.He does not live with his wife and daughter and his job is done on computer.So he can work anywhere.I could not just leave my husband with 3 kids and a full time job while I popped back to the U.K to open another bottle of pills for mum.
I ranted on and on,aid I had done the last 20 years he could do the next.
It took several months for us to talk again, but in the end he emailed me to say sorry, and how selfish he had been.He also admitted that he would have killed her years ago.
I also ranted at my mum as well.All the insults she had hurled at me all the times I wasn't good enough,telling me my oldest should not have been born, telling her it was the longest ongoing death in history and why did she just get on with it and stop making everybodies lives a misery.Most of all my fathers.She too cut off communications for a good while.In the end I had to ring her and apologise as my dad rang me and sad she was making his life even worse.So I gritted my teeth and apologised.That was followed by the why take an obviously sick child to the states.!!!!!
Then the final blow, so she thought, she had persuaded my father to rewrite the will, leaving everything to my brother, and his daughter.Everything being a very substantial sum.
I don't give a fu-k about me, I can't believe she would be so callous to her other grandkids.My bother mailed me about it and said he had told her to stuff it and as he pointed out, she will probably outlast my father, and cost all the money she has left in 24/7 nursing care.
My point is, maybe just have it out with your sister.It worked for me and my brother, eventually.I sure felt a hell of a lot better once I ha said it all.He needed some home truths and we are now really close.So maybe it would work for you.The change was not overnight it took a few months, but it was worth it.
I hope some of this may help your very unenviable situation.I can't believe how long I put up with both my brother and mother before completely blowing.As a byproduct, my blood pressure came down !!!! So I could come off meds. for that.
I wish you luck in dealing witha selfish sibling.I truly do know how that feels.There were lots of reasons for moving here, but one was certainly in part my mother.
--- End quote ---
You poor thing {{{optom}}. Thank you for this. I will definitely keep it in mind. I, too, can be blamed for not saying things in order to keep the peace. Matter of fact, I just did a ritual tonight to Juno Lucina for a friend of mine whose daughter is giving birth and to Juno Viriplaca to keep the peace in the family. While things need to be said, I decided, why cause trouble now? Make mom's last months tense and miserable? This won't last forever, then there will be a reckoning.
Whew. My mother doesn't hold a candle to yours, optom. For which I'm very thankful. She is truly ill and would very much not like to be -as we all would.
I would like to have it out with my brother and sister, but my sister can be petty and vindictive and holds grudges for a long time. She is not above character assassination and poisoning events and relationships to get her way or drum up sympathy for herself. My brother, even though he's the oldest and has an equal stake in the estate, does very little to help and my mother does not pressure him like she does us girls. They had some falling out years ago and are just now repairing their relationship, but what the falling out was is a deep dark secret, so I can't really give him flak for not doing his part since I don't know what the standoffish issue is between them is. He might be perfectly justified. [shrug] Dunno.
But I will keep your words in mind. Thanks so much.
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