Heath Heath Heath

[oilgun]

I definitely do think us Heathens share a special bond and we always have. Unfortunately I did not find the Heath thread until pretty late so I never got here until fairly recently. At that time I would have never thought anything would ever happen to Heath. It just never even crossed my mind. I was always busy trying to explain to people why Heath was my favorite and in some ways I always felt we were somewhat in the minority as opposed to the Jake group. Please don't get me wrong about that since I do think Jake is great as well as his portrayal of Jack. Nobody could have played the part of Jack better. It was just that my favorite was always Heath and Ennis was my favorite in the movie. That was just the way it was from the beginning of the first time I saw the movie. I was not familiar with either actor before Brokeback. I read a whole lot about Heath and his life after seeing the movie and I felt I had an understanding of him. I liked the idea that he was a private, down to earth person who was not into the Hollywood glitz. I just found him to be a very special guy and when I read all the things he did to put himself into the character of Ennis as well as other characters he has played I even admired him more. It's a very hard loss. I have never had an actor who passed away that I felt this strongly about. It's hard. I find myself to be rather irritable with people, with work and with things in general. I feel a feeling of just being down below the surface of something with very sad thoughts. I have pretty much quit posting on any of the threads except the Heath ones. I know some of the other threads that I used to post on have moved on and probably are talking about more lighthearted things, but I am not ready for that. I don't have anyone in RL who really understands either. The only one I have mentioned it to at all that has some understanding is my mother who has seen the movie. But of course she didn't know Heath like I did or Ennis or the movie. A guy who I have known for some time called earlier and mentioned it, but it seemed to be more of an afterthought on his part. I felt he was just up to the usual thing of wanting me to misbehave when he pretty much should know that I will not. That's a whole other story that has nothing to do with this. However, the whole phone call made me mad too.

Jack

What a wonderful post, Jack, I can certainly relate.  I think it's a testament to Heath's talent that he's been able to touch us to the degree that he has.  He's left a void in many of us that will be hard, if even possible, to fill.  I went through a very intense anger phase that has thankfully evolved into what I call healthy sadness.  Acceptance, will come when it comes i suppose. Take care and you are certainly among friends here.
Gil

[MaineWriter]

You know, I remember back in the "old days" when were all suffering from Brokeback Fever, we all wondered, "Why are we like this? We'll we ever get over this?" and I remember the intense feelings of grief and depression. Forgive me if this seems harsh, but I look back and think that seemed like a garden party to the way I am feeling now.

Sigh....

L

[Nikita111]

You know, I remember back in the "old days" when were all suffering from Brokeback Fever, we all wondered, "Why are we like this? We'll we ever get over this?" and I remember the intense feelings of grief and depression. Forgive me if this seems harsh, but I look back and think that seemed like a garden party to the way I am feeling now.

Sigh....

L

I am with you. i just got back from home and started to cry again.

[Mikaela]

You know, I remember back in the "old days" when were all suffering from Brokeback Fever, we all wondered, "Why are we like this? We'll we ever get over this?" and I remember the intense feelings of grief and depression. Forgive me if this seems harsh, but I look back and think that seemed like a garden party to the way I am feeling now.

Sigh....

L

(((Leslie)))

I bet the emotions and depression were more intense back then than we seem to remember now - time does mellow emotions and blurs the memory of pain. A good thing, or how would we be able to move forward?

But also, however much we grieved, however heartshot we were, a sliver of our minds and a piece of our souls must consciously or subconsciously have held on to the comforting thought that "this is fiction. Noone died in RL". No such comfort can be found now.... I think that makes it much more difficult, harsh, unrelentinig, - certainly I feel that way....

[Penthesilea]

(((Leslie)))

I bet the emotions and depression were more intense back then than we seem to remember now - time does mellow emotions and blurs the memory of pain. A good thing, or how would we be able to move forward?

But also, however much we grieved, however heartshot we were, a sliver of our minds and a piece of our souls must consciously or subconsciously have held on to the comforting thought that "this is fiction. Noone died in RL". No such comfort can be found now.... I think that makes it much more difficult, harsh, unrelentinig, - certainly I feel that way....

Now it's on me to agree with every single word you wrote.

You know what I did in the early days? Whenever I had seen BBM, I cried a while, then started the DVD again, warched only the first ten minutes - and there was Jack again. Young and beautiful, full of hopes and so wonderfully alive.
Can't do that now. 

Yes, it's worse this time.

[ifyoucantfixit]

             I have watched so much of the media reporting of Heath's death and had the sudden
urge to watch the movie.  However sad it always made me, i needed to see Heath up and
walking around and healthy.  Alive.  i watched it and then the movie The Order.  They are both
very dark and sad.  But compared to seeing that scurroulous body bag, being wheeled out
over and over. and over.  it was helpful.  For just a while i could pretend that the only sadness
was from the fictional story of a man losing his love.  Not the real life sadness of his being gone.

[mvansand76]

             I have watched so much of the media reporting of Heath's death and had the sudden
urge to watch the movie.  However sad it always made me, i needed to see Heath up and
walking around and healthy.  Alive.  i watched it and then the movie The Order.  They are both
very dark and sad.  But compared to seeing that scurroulous body bag, being wheeled out
over and over. and over.  it was helpful.  For just a while i could pretend that the only sadness
was from the fictional story of a man losing his love.  Not the real life sadness of his being gone.

{{{{{{{Janice}}}}}}}

It still hurts so much, doesn't it?

[Mikaela]

I'm embarrassingly slow in the uptake, but....seeing this painting in a smaller version in Oilgun's sig line finally made it click home what it's showing me:

The classical image of someone with an angel on his one shoulder, and a devil on the other, urging him in opposite directions in life.

This didn't fully strike me all at once, since the angel/devil aspects are just versions of himself, no different in size, apparel, looks... only difference is that one is dark because of being in shadow, and one is paler, bordering on transluscent, because he's in the light.

If this is what the artist was after, I think he's succeeded - we all have urges to do good, and to do bad - and representing these by versions of the same person, whispering to him, talking him into something - yep, iit works for me. As before I do like that the middle character, the "real him" looks so uncertain, inwardly focused, weary of mindstruggles - it fits the topic.

It probably says something about me that of the good and evil aspect representations here I definitely like the darker one the best....

This portrait appeals much more to me when I interpret it as Heath the actor lending himself to the painter's vision of the concept of a struggle between good and evil within one human being, than as a direct character interpretation and presentation of Heath specifically.

[MaineWriter]

(((Leslie)))

I bet the emotions and depression were more intense back then than we seem to remember now - time does mellow emotions and blurs the memory of pain. A good thing, or how would we be able to move forward?

But also, however much we grieved, however heartshot we were, a sliver of our minds and a piece of our souls must consciously or subconsciously have held on to the comforting thought that "this is fiction. Noone died in RL". No such comfort can be found now.... I think that makes it much more difficult, harsh, unrelentinig, - certainly I feel that way....

Oh Mika, so very well stated and so very true. "No one had died in RL." Sigh...

I keep telling myself he is safe and at peace because he told me so himself! I know this. But the day to day is taking its toll right and making it hard for me to access that spiritual knowledge. I know it is because I am tired and didn't sleep. Things will get better...

L

[Mikaela]

This is one of the most touching pictures I have seen of Heath. The look on his face - that's one dad who loves his daughter.

*sigh*

I hope someone takes care of and preserves that purple cap of his, keeping it so that Matilda can have it to remember him by when she grows up (along with those black-and-red striped fingerless mittens). He seemed to wear that one everywhere, clearly bringing it along with him when he travelled.




The image is from here: http://www.celebrity-babies.com/2008/01/tribute-to-cele.html#more