I was at the mall slaving away relentlessly at Hot Topic where I work. A day just like any other. The phone rings and my fellow manager Winona answers it. She hands the phone to me stating that it was for me. I answer hoping that I'm not going to get in trouble for having a personal phone call while on the clock. My worries dissappear as my friend jeni speaks softly on the other end of the line. She says, "Henry, Heath died this afternoon." I was immediately pissed off at her. She knows how serious I would take her statement and how unhappy that would make me if that were really to happen. I told her "jeni, that's not funny." jeni said, "Henry, I wouldn't lie to you about something like this." I immediately started to cry. Winona looks at me with wild wondering eyes. I hang up the phone and turn away and walk head down to the back room. She follows and consols me as I tell her what happened. I still cry sometimes.
Of course when someone moves you in such a way that changes your life, you'll never fully recover from their departure. I don't ever want to recover. I want to miss him forever. After Heath passed away, I found myself missing someone I never met. Inside, I was terrified of this feeling. Maybe I am a little crazy and obsessed. Maybe I do need to talk about this to a professional. I kept thinking, "Now that Heath is gone, I will never get to thank him. I will never get to meet him. I will never see another Heath Ledger movie that I haven't already seen." My best friend called me from Germany. Crying once again, I told her how I felt. Her advise to me was to write Heath a letter. Whether I send it to some random address or whether I keep it for myself, writing down what I need to say will help me rediscover myself. I thanked her for her wonderful advise and ended the call. Though I never did write the letter, I found a new way to cope. Heath can see me typing this post right now. He can feel what I feel. He knows what he's done for me. His passing into whatever is after this life allows him to feel everyone he has influenced. I know that when he felt me, he smiled. I know that when he sees me typing this, he realizes what he has done. And it is good. Heath is gone. He's not coming back. But he can see and feel you now. Know this, and smile back. Thank you Heath. For everything. In a different way, "we was good friends." -Henry
