~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[saucycobblers]

((Meanwhile, back at the BAM post-office))

MR DINKLE, BAM POSTMASTER:

** Dang it, whut the hell's happened here?**

(MR DINKLE looks at JBB's postcard and notices that the stamp has fallen off))

**Musta bin when the little feller tried lickin' that there stamp 'n' didn't realise butt lotion don't make it stick too good... darn it, where's ma glue pot? If those durn kids bin tryin' ta glue MR RAYMILLE ta his castin' couch agin, Ah'll give 'em whut fer...**

((Scratches his stubbly chin, turning the postcard over in his hands))

**Looks pretty important. "To MR TERRY CLOTH, huh? C/o CHER's WIG TRUNK"... damn, is there any part a that woman whut ain't made from recyclable synthetic polycarbons? Well, it looks pretty important... only one thing fer it. Havta send CYRIL.**

[Lumière]

((BACK at the DEL MAR Household ..))

ENNIS:

((Gesturing vaguely))

I was out tryin ta find... some Butt Butter.  Ya know, they kind I like ta use for... gettin up ta no good at bedtime... but I couldn't find my truck, so I went ta look for one a them billboards instead.  You see any Holstein heifers climbin up on billboards a late?  I don't know if that is really happenin or if I'm seein things.

ALMA:

** Ennis, are you drunk?  Coz if yer drunk you best go sleep it off ..
I aint in no mood to talk to you when yer like this .. 

Oh ... and if you want to go look for a billboard, be my guest ..! **


((ALMA gives ENNIS a sad look and returns to the living room to her knitting.))

%%  Holstein heifers climbing on billboards?  Wtf is he on about?    %%

[saucycobblers]

((Out back at the BAM post-office, there a lot of cooing going on...))

PIGEONS:

**Coo... coo... coo... etc, etc**

MR DINKLE (in a sing-song voice):

**CYYYYYRIIIIIIILLLLLL!!!!**

((Suddenly there is a gentle whoooshing sound and a magnificent, winged creature lands gracefully on MR DINKLE's head, before lifting its tail and crapping down the back of his shirt.))



MR DINKLE:

**Hellfire, why'd ya always havta do that? I swear, if ya wasn't the best darn carrier pigeon in Broken Arse... Humph... anyway, make sure ya get this postcard ta its destination at Ms CHER's. The hearts a two gentle souls are dependin' on ya!!**

((Another gentle whooosh, and CYRIL is gone...))

[louisev]

ENNIS:

((Stares at ALMA uncomprehendingly))

Me?  Drunk?  Hey Alma, any beers in that fridge?

[Meryl]

GUY RAPHAELSON:

**Alright, everyone get together for some group photos... JBB, why don't you get next to the Queen and Owl Olivia... We'll have Bucking Ham and Miss Piggy in the back. Mika, Monroe, Cher, and other divas... Come on, get together.  This'll be just the guests... I hope I haven't forgotten anybody.**

HIGH PRIESTESS:

((Clears throat loudly))

[Daniel]

Meanwhile, in Childress.

YOUNG JACK:

((paces nervously back and forth by the HIGH PRIESTESS))

**Ma'am.** ((lifts hat)) **We're gonna be gettin' pictures soon enuff.. I think Guy just wants the guests... yer officiatin', ain't ye? We'll get our pictures later.**

((peers around at the rest of the guests.))

**I still ain't seen Lureen in days. Hope she's doin' alright. Once I got ma balls back from her, I mean, she's not too bad to be around.**

Daniel: Ladies and gentlemen, we have been read 27,000 times... and this is the 2900th post!!!! Congratulations.

[Pipedream]

((Up on Broken Arsed Mountain, the EAGLES are not amused...))   

[Kelda]

LD Newsome:

((Walking on toset looking a little confused and tired as he's realised hes late hes late for a very important date (maybe)...))

**so has that girl of mine had her baby yet. Bet if its a girl it'll look like Rodeo. hes femine that way ye know. If it's a boy it'll look like me. No doubt. Hey Maw.. you got that processed milk ready???**

[Mikaela]

MIKA THE DUMBASS MUSICAL MULE:


((Brays in exasperation at the angry noise from Broken Arsed Mountain))

Lighten up on me, you bald-headed guys. You fly down here to the wedding, have yourselves a real good time, instead of sittin' up there complainin' four hours a day!


((Inspiration strikes))

What are you all waiting for, the mating song? Well, it's up next so you're in luck! You can join me in the chorus if you'd like to.


((Regards MONROE's frantic barbeque preparations))

And tell you what, there'll be so much to eat here for you lot, you won't have to hunt again tiill November, won't have to kill yourselves no nice elk nor nothing.

So many whole bulls lined up for the feast - everyone here should be full and satisfied, except SLEEPY if he shows up. He'd be in grave danger, if you know what I mean.

[Pipedream]