~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[Daniel]

LAUREL SPARTA:

((Laurel flips open her notebook again, swishes through the pages until she's near the end of it.))

**Here we are, Defecation and Horticulture Director... You're currently paid 4 Premium mega-size beef and chicken flavor all natural Holistic Animal Care containers of dog food every week, provided exclusively by Azmira, and so far I see we've given you ten raises for managing to keep the scenes clean... if I'm reading this correctly... each of one large chew bone with added natural hickory smoke-house flavors. You are quite expensive, but I suppose its worth it... I'm certain your endeavors will help our profits considerably.**

[Daniel]

LUCISE I:

** Hey Jack!  What's up? 
You wanna talk to Guy or ..?  Coz he's in the bath right now .. if you need to talk to him,  come back in two and a half hours.  If it is urgent, come back in an hour or so..  I'm sure he'll be done then.. ok?  **

YOUNG JACK:

((is a little... agitated... by Lucise's undressed state.))

**.... Who said anything 'bout Guy? - I mean, yeah.... there's a big-shot on set, wants to get the weddin' over with, er whatever it is you two got planned.**

((Jack hesitates a little, tries to focus on the picture of Ennis he has in his mind.))

**Umm, see y'all in a little bit. Gonna go report to that big-shot.**

((Jack slowly but firmly closes the door the best that he can.))

[Lumière]

LUCISE I:

%% Why is it that men get so flustered over my naked chest?  It drives Guy positively over the edge .. and lucky me too!  %%

**  Well .. okay Jack ..you can't rush two people into matrimony, you know! 
Oh .. I'm sorry, didn't mean to rub it in about you and Lureen and all ...
First Guy has to get out of the bath, then we can finally get some things ready for the big event!  **

((Lucise watches as Jack walks away slowly from his trailer .. ))

** Talk to you later!  **

((Lucise turns around and heads back towards the bedroom.  His nose draws him to the vanilla, almond bubble bath Guy's got going in the bathroom .. he opens the door to find Guy soaking and luxuriating under mountains of bubbles, his face covered in a thick coating of what Lucise figures is mud ..))

** Umm..honey .. we really need to talk about the length of your baths .. A turtle could climb Mount Everest and back in the amount of time you spend in here ..  ..
Well, while I'm here, I might as well..**

((Lucise strips off his clothes and jumps into the tub, startling Guy ... who has now lost one of the cucumber slices that rested impeccably on his closed eyelids...))

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

((Jack hurries back to the director's trailer, jumps out of the car again.))

((Laurel is still there, tapping her foot.))

**Howdy 'gin. They're gonna get the weddin' done soon, I hope. Guy's bathin'.**

[Daniel]

LAUREL SPARTA:

((agitated by that rather simplistic response, she wonders why that should answer all her questions about the delay of the nuptials.))

**And?**

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

**You dunno Guy as well as ya think ya do... He can take his time about bathin'.**

((Laurel sighs and starts to pound on the door again.))

**If ya like, ma'am, I can show ya 'round the place.... Have ya met our props magician?**

[Pipedream]

Frustrated cast member: 

** Hey, Spartacus! You can tell your boss that I want more money, pronto! This udder-costume sucks, and it wasn't my idea to star as a heifer, anyways. I always said that I was seriously miscast here, but nobody would listen! Who'll ever give me decent role again after this travesty? Huh? **

[Daniel]

LAUREL SPARTA:

((A little unnerved by the bear-heifer talking to her.))

**All casting choices were made by the direction team... You'll have to take your complaint up with them. As for payment.... All minor cast characters, such as the random heifers, are paid a fair wage in accordance with all national and state laws.**

[Daniel]

LUCISE I:

((Lucise turns around and heads back towards the bedroom.  His nose draws him to the vanilla, almond bubble bath Guy's got going in the bathroom .. he opens the door to find Guy soaking and luxuriating under mountains of bubbles, his face covered in a thick coating of what Lucise figures is mud ..))

** Umm..honey .. we really need to talk about the length of your baths .. A turtle could climb Mount Everest and back in the amount of time you spend in here ..  ..
Well, while I'm here, I might as well..**

((Lucise strips off his clothes and jumps into the tub, startling Guy ... who has now lost one of the cucumber slices that rested impeccably on his closed eyelids...))

GUY RAPHAELSON:

**What are you -? Oh, hello again, Lucise. Am I taking too much time? I'm sorry, but I really need to get clean, you know... I also like to relax a bit.**

[welliwont]

((Laurel sighs and starts to pound on the door again.))

DIRECTOR JAKETWIST:

((trailer door opens, slowly this time, and JAKETWIST pokes her head out then gives a smile))

**Well you're back!  I am so glad that you're still on the set!  I would have hated to miss you, MISS SPARTA, may I call you LAUREL?  Sorry I could not break away before; y'see I was on a conference call with Jim and Ang, they were just bringing me up to speed on the latest developments over at OOC.  I suppose you have already heard all about them....

I know that YOUNG JACK has been filling you in on what's been goin' on over here, do you have any more questions that I can answer for you?   I am very  relieved to tell you that our show is back in full motion, it was touch and go for a while with all the cast turnover.  Glad that's over for a while...**

((looks expectantly at LAUREL SPARTA))