BROKIE & SAYIF (R.I.P. - 12th of June 08)

[David In Indy]

I am so sorry to hear this Jude. I just don't know what to say.   

Thank God those little kittens and their mother found you. You have been a blessing to them!

[j.U.d.E.]

Thanks again everyone! I am still a bit lost and wondering why it happened and why it happened the way it did.. So much suffering, especially for Sahaba. I still can't look at the pictures and I save all new pictures (of mother and son) with the heading '3Kitten'.. I haven't told anyone the full story yet and I know I can't talk to people about it, when I know that they are not animal/cat lovers. My colleague kept asking me about 'the cats' and I basically ignored his questioning, knowing that he didn't really care, but felt obliged to ask, since we are sharing an office.

Nic! Thank you thank you thank you for the 'Rainbow Bridge' poem! It is beautiful. I'm usually not as easily moved, but reading this poem made tears appear..

I am so sorry Jude.  I know you must be feeling just awful but those poor little guys had so much love and care from you in their short lives, they were blessed to have found you.  When I had to put my beloved Princess Peach to sleep I thought I'd never get over it, I blamed myself for not treating her condition more aggressively at first, then for treating it too aggresively and adding to her suffering later.  But the fact was my baby had a good life with someone who loved her and your kitties were likewise blessed. }}}}}}}Big Hug for you honey {{{{{{

Victoria, I understand totally! Does it get easier with time? The blaming oneself? There's nothing one can do to turn back time, and although I think Sahaba was 'called back', I would love to have a second chance and at least not let him suffer for so long..... I have for a week and a half now tried to totally block out the images of the week-end of Sahaba's death, because just thinking about it, makes me physically sick - knowing that I could have spared Sahaba a LOT of pain.. It makes me angry. I had them for one month. Four weeks and even less.. and still, it feels like a lifetime and I wish I could have seen Sama' and Sahaba as adult cats..

But I have to think about the remaining kitten - SAYIF and the mother - BROKIE. I had quite a few adventures with SAYIF -> he got caught in a fly-catching glue-paper-thing - it was awful! My heart was pounding and I thought I'd lose one more... He recovered quickly, but Brokie was pretty shaken and she hid for about two hours somewhere in my flat; the other day Sayif fell (or jumped?) off the one wall outside my garden (so, he must have climbed the fence first.. tsts..) and was a bit disoriented, but fine. I had to go out and around the whole apartment block to where he was. When I called him, he recognized me (or my voice) and came dashing towards me! That was so cute! Brokie is recognizing her name too I think. I can't help it, but I think she is still a little angry with me for letting two of her babies die.. We have to go through this though and I hope that it will get better with time.

Again, thank you everybody for your support and sweet words! I have a few pictures of BROKIE and SAYIF (all he does is play and eat, meaning he's getting bigger everyday.. He'll soon catch up in size with Brokie!  ).











~ j U d E

[Penthesilea]

Hi Jude,

I'm so happy relieved to hear that Brokie and Sayif are fine. Since we haven't heard from you the last days I really worried about them and you.

It will be getting easier with time, believe me. And the feeling of guilt is very common after the death of a beloved animal, too. It's because they can't speak, that we always ask ourselves if we did too less or too much or too late.
My cat died alone in one night. I knew she had cancer and I felt it when the time had come to bring it to an end. I made an appointment with my vet for the next day, because on this very day I had no one I could have brought my children to (and sure I couldn't take them with me). She didn't make it to the next morning. She died in that night alone. She went out of the house, laid down in our barn and died.
I felt so guilty that I didn't put her down the day before or at least stayed by her through the night. I felt I should have managed it to find someone to look after the children, I should have asked more people.

Today I still am sad about the death of my cat and I still ask myself if I did right by her. But I can think of her without tearing up. The sadness and doubts will perhaps never vanish completely, but with time they will lessen and the happy memories will come to the foreground.


Again: I'm so happy for you that mother and son are fine and bring joy and comfort to you. And your pics are awesome as always. Love them!

[belbbmfan]

hi Jude,
just found your new pictures. They are so cute! and thanks to you, now worldfamous too 

[Ellemeno]

Jude these newest photos remind me of an expression I've heard in the American deep South, "You're so sweet, I could sop you up with a biscuit."  They are so delicious. 

I'm very happy Brokie and Sayif are doing well.

[YaadPyar]

The pics are wonderful Jude.  Thanks.  You continue to do a wonderful thing with these lovlies.

[nic]

Brokie & Sayif are going to be so spoiled! Glad they are doing ok and you sound like you're doing better too.  The important thing now is to carry on & look to the future, spoiling those two rotten - as they deserve  

[j.U.d.E.]

It will be getting easier with time, believe me. And the feeling of guilt is very common after the death of a beloved animal, too. It's because they can't speak, that we always ask ourselves if we did too less or too much or too late.
My cat died alone in one night. I knew she had cancer and I felt it when the time had come to bring it to an end. I made an appointment with my vet for the next day, because on this very day I had no one I could have brought my children to (and sure I couldn't take them with me). She didn't make it to the next morning. She died in that night alone. She went out of the house, laid down in our barn and died.
I felt so guilty that I didn't put her down the day before or at least stayed by her through the night. I felt I should have managed it to find someone to look after the children, I should have asked more people.

Today I still am sad about the death of my cat and I still ask myself if I did right by her. But I can think of her without tearing up. The sadness and doubts will perhaps never vanish completely, but with time they will lessen and the happy memories will come to the foreground.

Chrissi, this is a very sad story indeed! But you couldn't know when exactly she would go. I understand your doubts and the guilt and like you said, it will get easier with time. I can talk about Sama' and Sahaba now, but I still can't bring myself to look at their pictures. I have a little film of Sahaba, but none of Sama' which I will always regret. I think we do have to know that our pets must have known we cared for them, otherwise they wouldn't have stayed. I am happy to see Brokie and Sayif climbing the fence to go stroll about and come back to me. To me! So this means, they must like me a little. Actually I think Brokie hissed at Sahaba and was very distant for a while, to show me she was pissed off.. Now she's even started to purr!! She didn't purr once until about last week-end or so. Sayif still doesn't (except when he drinks from his mum then his little 'purring engine' starts).. He is becoming very very 'cuddly' (sometimes I don't even know how to get rid of him..  ), but he hasn't once purred with me so far..

More pictures (I have a problem with tinypic.com today, so I'll attach them): Sayif is getting big(!). He's almost as big as Brokie. Brokie is very thin.. I have to make sure Sayif doesn't eat all the food, 'cause Brokie often just watches him eat, waiting for her turn (even though I have 2 bowls)..

~ j U d E

[j.U.d.E.]

ONE MORE..



Brokie and Sayif - almost the same size!

j. U. d. E.

[Penthesilea]

ONE MORE..



Brokie and Sayif - almost the same size!

j. U. d. E.

Jude, I'm always stunned by your pics. This one is so beautiful because of it's symmetry. And cute as always. Seeing it, I'd like to cuddle together with them instantly.
My cat was not allowed in our bed. At least not officially. But when she managed to sneak in, I never threw her out. Couldn't. Too cute.