Author Topic: I miss you on weekends  (Read 146535 times)

Offline RebelWithASmile

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I miss you on weekends
« on: October 07, 2006, 07:03:23 pm »
Hello, my name is Phoenix, and i'm starting this, because the person i usually talk about my day to hates it when i PM him (this is at another site)  ::)

So, i guess i will start where everything starts-love. Love is what drives me, and before i go into todays mess, i'm going to recap on this past week, a very good week.

I hope i'm doing this right

I must introduce you to my obsession, the reason i get up in the morning, Bill. Bill is a good friend of mine, and i'm deeply, madly, uncontrably in love with him. He is everything i want but can't have

well this was a very good week for both of us, because we literally became closer as friends, closer as humans. It all started Monday Morning (Duh) when he leant me The Crow, a graphic novel in which the 1993 movie is based off of. I read it in a day, and next he had a book from the Sin City series of graphic novels (the 2005 movie is based off of 3 of the novels)

Theres a short story contest, and me and Bill are both entered in it, he said i could read his SS when he's done  :) that means a lot. He also said i could read his poetry! Its a dream come true, and at lunch we get to talk, talk all period....thats my brokeback mountain

We joke, and mutually, secretly support each other. Everyday we found ourselves walking away from our other friends, getting ingrossed into a good talk with one another.

About Wednesday was when the first bomb was dropped. He shook my hand when we seperated to go to our buses...i've seen him do this before with others (friends he has known since like 1st grade) i think he is starting to trust me, and it feels so good to know this. I hope he notices that i have opened up a lot this last week. He once said i need to show more emotion, and it struck me, i do show A LOT of emotion, but some people can't see it. He can most days, he always asks if i'm sad, or infuriated. Once i said "Nah, i just woke up on the wrong side of the floor"  :laugh:  I sleep on the floor, don't think i have a bed. Bill is all i think about. Bill and writing-my two most favorite things in the world.

this is a long one, and others wont be this long

10/7

Not much today

I saw the worst movie ever made, SICK. Its a horror movie supposedly about a killer clown. Stupid.


I watch for the second time, A Home at the End of the World, good movie, i didn't realize how homoerotic it was...

damn Movie Gallery didn't have anymore copies of X-men III:The Last Stand.
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline wulfar360

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2006, 07:11:25 pm »
hi Phoenix

there is no right or wrong way to do this the main rule is to do it YOUR way


as for  being in love with your friend? believe me iknow how much this can hurt. i  fell  for several of my best friends they are  the forbidden fruit i guess.  it sucks  but "if you cant fix it you gotta stand it"

Sometimes it all still feels like a mass of dots               
but
more and more these days
I feel like we're all connected
and it's beautiful   
and funny
and good.

Aaron Davis Latter Days

"Its better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are  not"

Offline Lumière

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2006, 09:16:13 pm »
Hi Phoenix!

Welcome to Bettermost and to Our Daily Thoughts!
We are neighbours on this forum ... don't be shy to drop by my lil corner as well if you feel like it!


How long have you and Bill been friends?  Does he have any idea how you feel about him? :)


injest

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2006, 09:18:50 pm »
Hi, Phoenix...welcome to Bettermost...

tell us about yourself...Love your first post. you are still in school? what grade are you in?

This site does not have an age limit so no worries there...

Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2006, 10:14:34 pm »
I'm in 10th grade, and me and Bill have been friends since about this time last year when i moved into this school district. I met him the first day of school, we had the same math class together, he came in late, and he had a black whife beater on ::) i didn't love him then, as i was kinda afraid of him. He told us all he liked to fight, but oddly the first thing he said to me directly was "Hey, nice shoes man." Naturally i had to thank him.

Since i had no friends, i had to scalvage for a seat at lunch. And one day i found him alone sitting at a table, that i had been eyeing to sit at (since, at the time of my eyeing, it was empty) well, i asked if i could sit with him, and he said yes....

We grew in friendship VERY slowly. I think he didn't quite trust/understand me as much as he did others. I've seen him one arm hug friends, but when i talked to him, we never did that..

Why/When i knew i had to love him? It was about March of this year! I had a dream...this is going to sound odd, but i had a dream and i was standing next to him in it, and out of nowhere he turned around and kissed me. Since then i have been obsessed with him, and he's been in so many of my dreams that i fear i will die of overdose   ;)

I once had a dream that a tornado struck our town (though Bill lives in a seperate county) and i went to rescue him. He died.

We only started to grow in relationship this school year. Actually, this passed month. Its wonderful, because everyday i could write about some event that showed that we were becoming closer friends. First it was his handshake during the lunch line then

Him asking for me to sit next to him to talk.
Then him telling me he liked to talk to me
He says i have 'big balls' for standing up for him when some guy starts talking about his sister
He told me we had some things in common (more or less)
We pulled apart from other friends to have our own conversation
He lends me a couple of books he obviously treasures (a couple being the Sin City books, and Sin City is his favorite movie ever, so i can only think he loves the books as well)
We shake hands before parting to our buses
He tells me I can read his Short Story when he's done
He tells me I can read the poetry he writes
He tells me about his childhood, and how people misunderstand...


I was talking to a friend of mine, and she said that people only hang around Bill to make fun of him :'( that really got me pissed, and nearly at tears...she said everything about him was weird and that he talked funny (he doesn't)

He looks like a darker (in hair and eyes, and mood)/paler (in complexion, and youth) version of Heath Ledger. I kid you not.
god, sorry for rambling again!
« Last Edit: October 07, 2006, 10:59:48 pm by RebelWithSadness »
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline wulfar360

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2006, 10:30:24 pm »
sok ramble   all you want  this is the best place for it

just do becarefull and try not to get hurt


kids are cruel at times ive had several  tramatic school instances and i know that several of my generation thought i was weird  ive come to terms with it finally and talk to  some  of my class that i didnt in school
 
as for him being "weird" we are all weird in our own way we all  have little things we do that others might not understand

from what you said he sounds like a decent enuff  person   be there  for him  and no matter what others might say keep the friendship
Sometimes it all still feels like a mass of dots               
but
more and more these days
I feel like we're all connected
and it's beautiful   
and funny
and good.

Aaron Davis Latter Days

"Its better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are  not"

Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #6 on: October 07, 2006, 11:05:45 pm »
sok ramble   all you want  this is the best place for it

just do be carefull and try not to get hurt


kids are cruel at times ive had several  tramatic school instances and i know that several of my generation thought i was weird  ive come to terms with it finally and talk to  some  of my class that i didnt in school
 
as for him being "weird" we are all weird in our own way we all  have little things we do that others might not understand

from what you said he sounds like a decent enuff  person   be there  for him  and no matter what others might say keep the friendship

I will definitly keep the friendship. I plan on getting closer to him, whether we end up a couple or not, i want to know the man behind the beast that has me by the mind, unwillingly twisiting it till i can only think of him and what he has given me. Happiness.

I have problems with depression, but when i talk to him, i feel happy. He's my little drug  ;)
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline wulfar360

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #7 on: October 07, 2006, 11:08:52 pm »
thats awsome iw ish i could had help for my depression in school but  i was to ashamed to  tell anyone


but i have found my little drug to make me happy and im content  i hope it works out for you rebel
Sometimes it all still feels like a mass of dots               
but
more and more these days
I feel like we're all connected
and it's beautiful   
and funny
and good.

Aaron Davis Latter Days

"Its better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are  not"

Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #8 on: October 07, 2006, 11:35:13 pm »
thats awsome iw ish i could had help for my depression in school but  i was to ashamed to  tell anyone


but i have found my little drug to make me happy and im content  i hope it works out for you rebel

thanks and ditto! We all have problems, and i hope you do well with them. LOL
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline Lumière

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #9 on: October 08, 2006, 01:09:40 am »
This is your blog and you can definitely ramble as much as you wish!  :)

You obviously treasure your friendship with this lad.  All the best in developing that relationship, whether you end up a couple or not, as you say.     
I am sure that there are some people on here who will read your story and be able to offer their 2cents simply because they have been there ..
What I can say to you is: remember to take it one day at a time ..  get to know him better and just enjoy his company and friendship ..  then see where that takes you both ..   :)