Author Topic: Kerry's Komedy Klub  (Read 1190794 times)

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #230 on: March 24, 2007, 02:47:29 am »
A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The one who was giving the party said, "We`ve blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I`ve never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world."


 
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He had the tickets in His hand.



Next, it was the birthday boy`s turn. He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I`d like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me."


The fairy waved her wand again and POOF!



He was 90.
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline Kerry

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,076
  • ^ In pursuit of Captain Moonlite - 5 Sept 2009
    • Google Profile
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #231 on: March 24, 2007, 08:53:54 am »

 :laugh:  Tee-hee! It's an old saying, Dottie, "Beware of what you wish for, because you might get it!"  :laugh:
γνῶθι σεαυτόν

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #232 on: March 27, 2007, 01:03:47 am »




A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.

After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud,
"Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"




"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."

"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"

"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."

"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."

The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.


One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."

"What?" asks the guy.

"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."

"What happened then?" asks the guy.

"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.

"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"

"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...

"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.

"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."

Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #233 on: March 27, 2007, 01:14:58 am »
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #234 on: March 27, 2007, 01:17:54 am »


:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline Kerry

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,076
  • ^ In pursuit of Captain Moonlite - 5 Sept 2009
    • Google Profile
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #235 on: March 27, 2007, 07:44:48 am »

Did you ever wonder . . . 

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

and . . . 

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

On a bag of chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how???)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion)

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Well...duh, a bit late, hunh!)

On Marks & Spencer bread pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(And you thought????...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could  just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(And I am taking this...........because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On packet of Nobby's Peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

γνῶθι σεαυτόν

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #236 on: March 27, 2007, 03:57:37 pm »
Better living through chemistry

Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #237 on: March 28, 2007, 12:52:45 am »
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #238 on: March 28, 2007, 06:18:23 pm »
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #239 on: March 29, 2007, 01:50:30 am »
I seem to be hogging your thread Kerry...sorry  ::) ... sometimes I get carried away as our dear Sheriff can attest  :-\

Life is not a dress rehearsal