Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

What? Just because I live here, you want me to translate the signs for you Kerry!

I guess it means if there's an animal up ahead they'll flash the sign for us!    

They print a whole different driver's manual for Indiana, just because of our signs! Okay, I'm exaggerating. But I did see one the other day that read "Warning: Deer Crossing" and it was on Meridian Street in downtown Indianapolis! I guess that goes to show you just how country we are here!

Okay, I lied. I didn't really see it. I'm tired! Me and Alex are going to bed!

You got me all confused Kerry! Shame on you! 

  

That's a wonderful idea, David. We need those devices here in Australia. A lot of our native animals are killed on the roads here. 

[Kerry]

Bad hair day (hey, I know the feeling!)   

[Kerry]

"Hellllll-oooo, baby! You wanna come back to my place and read a little Proust?"   

[Kerry]

hey, Kerry,

David told me to post this here! (HE thinks it is CUTE!!)




crazy isnt he??

As my dear old Mum used to say, "There's nothing new under the sun." Here's proof (is that a banjo I hear?) . . . 

[dot-matrix]

Sexy new Aussie ads for 7 Eleven Slurpee Juices entitle Something Juicy for the Ladies.

[dot-matrix]

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?"

"Yes," motioned the monkey.

"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking?" asked the officer.

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. "They were smoking?"

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey continued motioning. "They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer.

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked."

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"What were you doing during all this?"

"Driving" motioned the monkey.

[dot-matrix]

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer  ) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes, she did.."

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."
 

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

Four Men And Their Dogs

Four men -- an engineer, an accountant, a chemist, and a government worker -- were bragging about how smart their dogs were.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog and said, "T-Square, do your stuff."

T- Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle. Everyone agreed: that was pretty smart. But the accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff."

Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed: that was good. But the chemist said his dog could do even better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed: that was good. Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, "What can your dog do?"

The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff."

Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, molested the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers' compensation, and went home on sick leave

[Kerry]

Four Men And Their Dogs

               

Tee-hee, that's a good one, Dottie! 

- from Kerry and his fellow "government workers" (we're called "public servants" here) in Oz.