Author Topic: Kerry's Komedy Klub  (Read 1190756 times)

Offline Kerry

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #470 on: May 27, 2007, 08:21:53 pm »
HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
   
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
   
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
   
4. Enjoy the simple things.
   
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is    with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, or to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
   
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
   
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER . . . . .
   
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments    that take our breath away.
   
And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!
  :D
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Offline David In Indy

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #471 on: May 27, 2007, 08:28:40 pm »
Great advice from the Land Down Under!

Thanks Kerry!  :D
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Offline Kerry

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #472 on: May 27, 2007, 08:41:50 pm »
Great advice from the Land Down Under!

Thanks Kerry!  :D

Vegemite eaten daily on toast at breakfast time also helps to keep one young!!!   ;)   ;)   :laugh:
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Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #473 on: May 27, 2007, 09:04:38 pm »
HOW TO STAY YOUNG

  :D

Love it Kerry, definitely words to LIVE by  ;D
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #474 on: May 28, 2007, 02:41:33 am »
In a Brooklyn upscale pet shop Sarah Goldman, an elderly woman burst into
the store.

"I want to buy a canary, but it's got to be a real good singer.
I've got good, hard U.S. cash, but I'm only paying only for a good
singer."



The shop owner began moving a ladder towards a small cage on a shelf about
fifteen feet up, near the ceiling of the store.

"Ma'am, I'm forty years in this business. In that cage is the best singer I've ever had."

"Don't think I'm gonna feel obligated to pay for something I don't wantjust because you're climbing up a ladder like a monkey. I want a canary but it's got to be the best singer."  She said



By this point the shop keeper was coming down from the ladder.

"Ma'am, this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso!" Placing the cage on thecounter, the bird burst into melody after melody.

Awed Mrs. Goldman murmured, "This bird is really a good singer." Suddenly in a shrill scream, "Hey, what's with you ? This bird's only got one leg."

The pet store owner was unperturbed,
 
"Lady what do you want a singer ? ... or a dancer?"


Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #475 on: May 28, 2007, 02:48:54 am »
A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the road.

The blonde at the wheel looked very confused and scared.

"What's going on here, ma'am?"

"Well, I was driving along when all of a sudden there was a tree right in my path. I swerved to miss it, but there was another tree. And after that, another, and another."

The cop looked inside her car and sighed. "Ma'am. That's your air freshener."
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #476 on: May 28, 2007, 02:50:46 am »
This one so reminds me of some "get a hair cut" arguments between my Dad and Teddy when we were teenagers in the early 70's  :D

A young boy just received his driving permit. He asks his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

"I'll make a deal with you," said his father. "You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and then we'll talk."

A month later, the boy comes back and asks his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

"Son, I'm real proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied your Bible, but you didn't get your hair cut!"

"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline Kerry

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #477 on: May 28, 2007, 07:37:39 am »

Shhhhhhh, beauty sleep in progress.  

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Offline Kerry

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #478 on: May 28, 2007, 07:47:12 am »

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Offline Kerry

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #479 on: May 28, 2007, 07:49:43 am »


Stay cooooool, man!   :D

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