Kerry's Komedy Klub

[TXdoug]

                                                                        

[Lumière]

I just popped round to celebrate this thread's front-page status with a lil pic that makes me smile .. 

[Dagi]

Believe It or Not

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In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
 
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In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
 
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
 
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")
 
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There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
 
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
 
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Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
 
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In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have e sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
 
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In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
 
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam !)
 
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
 
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Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
 
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The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of Did the government pay for this research??)
 
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Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
 
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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
 
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
 
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last? Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
 

 

Your comments were even funnier than the statements!

Dagi

[David In Indy]

 

It's totally crazy what they print on some of those labels! 

[Kerry]

Welcome to Kerry's Komedy Klub, everyone! 

And a big thank you to Clarissa for the beautiful banner on the home page. I'm absolutely thrilled with it! 

When visiting Kerry's Komedy Klub, be sure to post your own funnies, jokes and cartoons for us all to enjoy!

What's that you say? You don't have any funnies to post? Well, this is also the place to post your cute, feel-good pics, like this one . . .

[Katie77]

Kerry, I have always enjoyed your thread here, and copy a lot of the cartoons and email them to other friends.....hey, what aussie doesnt enjoy a good joke....

I had not read your original post before, and have just read it, and I was really touched by what you said......

Yes, we have all shed many tears over Jack and Ennis, but what a great way to share the healing process with some laughter.....

Well done mate!

[Fran]

Here's one of my favorite Gary Larson cartoons:

[dot-matrix]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patricia looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says
his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay,
he knows the bank manager.

Patricia explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patricia explains that she'll have to consult with the bank
manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out
there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants
to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is
this?"

(you're gonna love this)


(its a real treat)



(a masterpiece)


(wait for it)


The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a
Rolling Stone."


(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you
did!!!


Have a lovely day

[dot-matrix]

Self Awareness is a good thing

[dot-matrix]

Well that's ONE solution to the problem