Kerry's Komedy Klub

[David In Indy]

An elderly couple...
An elderly couple are traveling cross country, and it was the woman's turn to drive. On a desert road in Texas, they are pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer walks over to the couple's car and asks: "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband: "What did he say?"
The old man shouts: "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING!"
The officer then asks: "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband: "What did he say?"
The old man yells: "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE!"
The woman gives the officer her driver's license. He looks at it for a moment and says: "I see you're from Arkansas. Arkansas girls are cold
fish. I had the worst sex of my life in that state..."
The woman turns to her husband: "What did he say?"
The old man yells: "HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!"

  

[Dagi]

Brilliant, Isabelle, all of them! Give us more!

[Kerry]

[Shasta542]

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

 I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight toward my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

[dot-matrix]

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.

Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...

The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.

The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"

[dot-matrix]

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

 I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight toward my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

PRICELESS!!!

[dot-matrix]

The agent for a beautiful actress discovered one day that she had been
selling her body at a hundred dollars a night.

The agent, who had long lusted for her, hadn't dreamed that she had been so
easily obtainable. He approached her, told her how much she turned him on,
and how much he wanted to make it with her.

She agreed to spend the night with him, but said he would have to pay her
the same hundred dollars that the other customers did. He scratched his
head, considered it, and then asked, 'Don't I even get my agent's ten
percent as a deduction?'

'No siree,' she said. 'If you want it, you're going to have to pay full
price for it, just like the other Johns.'

The agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed.

That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local night
club. The agent did her at midnight, after turning out all the lights.

At 1 A.M., she was awakened again. Again she was vigorously done. In a
little while, she was awakened again, and again she was made love to again.
The actress was impressed with her lover's vitality.

'My goodness,' she whispered in the dark, 'you are so virile. I never
realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent.'

'I'm not your agent, lady,' a strange voice answered. 'He's at the door
selling tickets.'

 

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

A female columnist, who writes for one of Sydney's local gay newspapers, recently reported on research being undertaken in the UK, whereby scientists declared they could create babies from bone marrow. The columnist was very excited about this prospect, because of the implication that women (specifically gay women) could now fall pregnant without having to resort to the use of nasty, smelly male byproducts or secretions!

I thought the article warranted a cartoon accompaniment, so I drew my own:

I've recently purchased a scanner, so will be posting more of my own humorous drawings and cartoons in future. Look out!        

[Shasta542]

That is great, Kerry!  Do you do book/newspaper/magazine illustrations  ever?

I've recently purchased a scanner, so will be posting more of my own humorous drawings and cartoons in future. Look out!  

     

Looking forward to it!!