Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Front-Ranger]

I just like the direction you're going Kerry!!

[Dagi]

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.

The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.

The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, “Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped.” The boy replied, “I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved.”

[dot-matrix]

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.

The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.

The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, “Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped.” The boy replied, “I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved.”

Cute!

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

A minister decided that a visual demonstration
would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following
results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good, clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation
What can we learn from this demonstration?

Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms."

That pretty much ended the service.

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.


When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"


So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.


Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.


St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"


The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.


The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.


She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.



The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"


The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

[ifyoucantfixit]

       I had an entirely different punch line in my mind for that one...heh he...I thought the old man was going to say, "thats easy, just

pretend  we are having sex!!"

[dot-matrix]

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild,
stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see
three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing
that there could only be one passenger in your car.
Think before you continue reading.


































This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually
used as part of a job application. You could pick up
the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus
you should save her first. Or you could take the old
friend because he once saved your life, and this would
be the perfect chance to pay him back. However , you
may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had
no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered:
"I would give the car keys to my old friend and let
him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind
and w it for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our
stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think
outside of the Box."


HOWEVER..

The correct answer according to the person who told me this
is to run the old lady over and put
her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect
partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with
the old friend for a few beers.

He says he  just loves happy endings!