Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.

He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous! What on earth do you think you're doing?"

She says, "I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again.

He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"

"Your name never came up..." she replied.

[huntinbuddy]

I spend most of my time over on the Cullen board, and have been there since Jan 06, but here is one I posted there a couple months ago, and it is one of my favorites.

Bacon and Eggs

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his
mother asks if he had done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast till the chores are done.

Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he
kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the
pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast, and his mother
gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon?

Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get
any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon
for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't
getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast, grumpy, and kicks the
cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother and with a smile says: "Are you
going to tell him, or should I?"

[Dagi]

This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.

He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous! What on earth do you think you're doing?"

She says, "I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again.

He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"

"Your name never came up..." she replied.

 

[dot-matrix]

I spend most of my time over on the Cullen board, and have been there since Jan 06, but here is one I posted there a couple months ago, and it is one of my favorites.

Bacon and Eggs

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his
mother asks if he had done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast till the chores are done.

Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he
kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the
pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast, and his mother
gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon?

Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get
any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon
for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't
getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast, grumpy, and kicks the
cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother and with a smile says: "Are you
going to tell him, or should I?"

Cheeky kid 

[dot-matrix]

An elderly couple in their 80's were about to get married.

She said, “I want to keep my house.”

He said, “That's fine with me.”

She said, “And I want to keep my Cadillac.”

He said, “That's fine with me.” 

She said, “And I want to have sex 6 times a week.”

He said, “That's fine with me. Put me down for Fridays.” 

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

According to Thomas Cook in the UK, some holiday-takers are just never satisfied. Here are the top ten most bizarre and genuine customer complaints received by the firm in recent years:

1 On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all.

2 The beach was too sandy.

3 I bought a snorkel and swimming mask for my six-year-old son, but he was too upset to use them as the fish frightened him.

4 It rained on my birthday.

5 Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.

6 I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.

7 It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned.

8 We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.

9 None of the hotel staff was English, and the tea didn't taste the same as at home.

10 I would like to complain about the price of alcohol in the resort. It was too cheap and I woke with a hangover every day.

[dot-matrix]

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.

As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late to church.
Please don't let me be late to church...."

As she was running she tripped and fell.

When she got back up she began praying again...

"Please, God don't let me be late to church -- but don't shove me either!

[Katie77]

An elephant and a camel were talking....(as they do)......

Elephant said to the camel........why do you have your boobs on your back like that?

Camel looked at elephant and said....well, thats an odd question from someone who has his dick hanging off his face....