The Doctor's Visit
This is pretty much the exact contents of an email I sent to a very good friend after the appointment. It says it all.........
The doctor's appointment was a joke and a waste of time.......he didn't even pay any attention to my mother.....I don't know why we even went. I don't like this doctor even if he is supposed to be a "good" neurologist. She complained of the pains she has in her head and he just said that everybody that comes in there complains about that. He is actually a real egotistical joke. So the one thing I do know is that the MRI shows no tumors or anything else unusual. I guess that they are going to try and control the agitation and irritability or whatever.......the doctor gave no diagnosis so I guess he as well as my sister presume that she has dementia or Alzheimer's or something like that. I don't know if this was already decided at the appointment I was not able to go to. Remember I told you I was worried about my father and sister being in charge of that......I think that is what happened. So I don't know.....my mother and father got in a big argument yesterday before we went and then I called a little while ago and it sounded like they were having another one. My father says my mother is just nervous and my sister is trying to be the doctor. I was about ready to tell her yesterday that she should just get up there on the doctor's stool since she was trying to act like the doctor. What it is.....is a big mess. I'm sorry to bother you with all of this. I really don't feel I have much anyone else I can talk to about it.......sorry.....I swear sometimes I feel like getting on a jet plane and just taking off.........away from this job and away from all of this....
(((Jack)))
I'm sorry to hear that the doctor's appointment turned out so disappointing. Please don't give up and insist to try another doc. One possibility is to contact a local support group for family members of Alzheimer's patients. Maybe someone there can help you with a recommodation of a doc.
My father says my mother is just nervous
Please try to be patient with your family. I know this is hard to do. Whatever your mother has, it is not her fault. And your father's denial may simply be his way to deal with his own worry, sorrow and fear. For now, as long as you know nothing for sure, maybe you could leave him this back door? I don't mean to lean back and do nothing (if that is what your father suggests, which I don't know), but maybe you could leave him his believe your mother is "just nervous". Just thinking out loud here.
sister is trying to be the doctor. I was about ready to tell her yesterday that she should just get up there on the doctor's stool since she was trying to act like the doctor.
Siblings, eh? Try to keep your relationship with your sister balanced. You and her will need to cooperate the next years, one way or the other, since your parents are both not the youngest anymore. She is the person who is as much your parents' child as you are. She is in the same boat with you. You two could be a backup for each other, instead of an additional burden.
You do sound frustrated not only about the doc, but also about your family's behaviour. And this may be very justified, I don't know the situation in your family, I'm really not judging here, Jack. But at least your family is functional enough to go to the doctor together, it's functional enough that you all are worried about your mother. Maybe you could try to see this as common ground.
Sometimes I kind of wish I had not spent my life up until now being so close to my parents, but then on the other hand I am glad I have. That probably doesn't make any sense. However, if I would have moved away from Asheville way back when I had planned to then it seems that the bonds would not be as strong. It has always been in the back of my mind that staying in Asheville was not a good idea in several ways.
You know what this makes me think of? Of something that came up repeatedly after Rich's passing. "Pain is the prize we pay for love". I think there is very much truth in it. We all have to pay this prize in our lives. What would be the alternative? A sad and lonley existence. The moment we let someone close to our heart we take the risk of our heart being broken at some point in the future. A lover could leave us, a friend could betray us, or somthing bad could happen to our dear ones, and we can be left heartbroken.
I don't know if it would have been better if you had left Ashevill years ago. Maybe there would have been other things going awfully wrong. As far as the strong bond to your parents is concerned: the alternative is not good either, believe me. I do know something about that. I was never close to my parents, not even as a child. I never wanted to live together with them, and thankfully I found another family where I could live when I didn't have to go to school (weekends, holidays). But that wasn't easy either.
And yet I was/am the one to deal with my mother's dementia, simply because there is no one else.
I'm sorry to bother you with all of this. I really don't feel I have much anyone else I can talk to about it.......sorry.....I swear sometimes I feel like getting on a jet plane and just taking off.........away from this job and away from all of this....
Friend, you're not bothering us. You're not bothering me. This is BetterMost, and we are your friends.
