Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Heath Ledger Remembrance Forum
Poll: Your opinion on Jake's silence
BlissC:
--- Quote from: nova20194 on March 26, 2008, 07:30:05 pm ---To anyone who can honestly state "I understand why he hasn't said or written anything about Heath's passing", please explain it to me and the rest of the world. You must be in intimate touch with the depths of Jake Gyllenhaal's mind. Perhaps I'm nit-picking with semantics, but the results of the poll thus far seems to me like "lying with statistics". Yes, I'll admit I'm "disappointed", but there's no way I could ever say that I "understand".
--- End quote ---
Well for me, and I was one who voted for that choice, the only thing I can relate it to is last year when my grandma died. From the time when she was diagnosed with advanced cancer (coincidentally today I've just realised), and we were told she had only months at best, and then when she came out of hospital after an emergency operation, she moved in with us, and she was with us until the day she died in July last year. I watched her suffer every day, and helped as best as I could with her care. For four months she was with me constantly, whether physically, or when I was at work, emotionally. When she died, there was just emptiness, a big space where she used to be, and a big hole in my life. Though I had to go to the funeral, I wore dark glasses and I wouldn't speak to the rest of the extended family about her. I didn't want to have to talk about her, explain my feelings about her death or anything. I didn't want anyone's condolences, and well-meaning though they were I didn't want anyone's sympathy. I didn't want to have to explain myself and feelings to anyone. I dealt with it in my own way, and at that time I didn't want any fuss - I didn't even tell the people I work with she'd died until a couple of months later. As far as they knew I was just on a leave of absence at the time.
Different circumstances entirely, I know, but bereavement and grief affect everyone differently (and I certainly reacted completely differently last year to how I have in the past when friends and relatives have died). I can't claim to know anything about Jake's thoughts or state of mind, but I know how I felt last year. Maybe he has said things in private, and maybe he's said things to Michelle and to Heath's family, and ultimately it's his choice whether to say anything in public, that's his right.
forsythia12:
--- Quote from: BlissC on March 26, 2008, 08:42:51 pm ---Well for me, and I was one who voted for that choice, the only thing I can relate it to is last year when my grandma died. From the time when she was diagnosed with advanced cancer (coincidentally today I've just realised), and we were told she had only months at best, and then when she came out of hospital after an emergency operation, she moved in with us, and she was with us until the day she died in July last year. I watched her suffer every day, and helped as best as I could with her care. For four months she was with me constantly, whether physically, or when I was at work, emotionally. When she died, there was just emptiness, a big space where she used to be, and a big hole in my life. Though I had to go to the funeral, I wore dark glasses and I wouldn't speak to the rest of the extended family about her. I didn't want to have to talk about her, explain my feelings about her death or anything. I didn't want anyone's condolences, and well-meaning though they were I didn't want anyone's sympathy. I didn't want to have to explain myself and feelings to anyone. I dealt with it in my own way, and at that time I didn't want any fuss - I didn't even tell the people I work with she'd died until a couple of months later. As far as they knew I was just on a leave of absence at the time.
Different circumstances entirely, I know, but bereavement and grief affect everyone differently (and I certainly reacted completely differently last year to how I have in the past when friends and relatives have died). I can't claim to know anything about Jake's thoughts or state of mind, but I know how I felt last year. Maybe he has said things in private, and maybe he's said things to Michelle and to Heath's family, and ultimately it's his choice whether to say anything in public, that's his right.
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firstly, let me say i am very sorry for your loss. my condolences go out to you, as well as another member on this thread who suffered a loss recently.
i liked what you had to say. made sense.
i also agree with nova20194, about not understanding. i guess really, everyone has a different take on the subject.
no one is right, no one is wrong. a very political answer i know, but obviously everyone has personal opinions. i too tend to shy away from subjects like these that may create an angry reply. i stated my feelings rather directly in an earlier post, and so far , no one has torn that apart, which i'm thankfull for. so far, this thread has remained friendly, and i'm thankfull for that, and that it is safe to say whatever, without backlash....
i do wish jake would say something....but i certainly have respect for those who see it differently..
louisev:
BlissC:
Your feelings about your grandmother and your reaction is very similar to my own when I have lost friends and family members - I have lost several, and the first major loss in my life was my sister at the age of 35. Nobody really understands the choice to keep quiet, to mourn privately, and it seems to produce a lot of anger in those who have a need to grieve openly - they also seem to not be able to accept those who grieve privately. Some of my strong feelings about this issue come from being the kind who must grieve privately, and I have absolutely no doubt that Jake is grieving. But those who have either incurred no big personal losses themselves, or who are the kind who grieve more openly, will never really understand, and they do tend to lash out. I suffered a lot by my family not wanting me to grieve my own way, and I really don't want Jake to suffer that same thing on top of his grief.
forsythia12:
good point. yes, i understand how you feel.
although i already posted how i feel, i will say that i can see how the press would twist (no punn intended) what jake says, no matter what. for example, if he had released a statement saying "i am deeply saddened by the loss of my dear friend and fello actor heath ledger", and then later was spotted shopping with reese, the tabloids would have a hey-day with that. they did it to mary-kate olsen, (who i really don't care about) , but it was reported that she made a very similar statement as i mentioned, and was blasted by a few different magazines for being at a bar 3 nights later.......so, with that being said, he may well be a lot safer to say nothing, and then no one can lash out at his choice in endeavors, because there would be nothing to contradict them.
mvansand76:
--- Quote from: nova20194 on March 26, 2008, 07:30:05 pm ---It's obvious that this is a very difficult subject. I rarely express a strong opinion about anything on any forum. This could be the exception. I can accept and respect the fact that we have different opinions on this subject, and I don't like to argue, but I think that much of the anxiety I'm experiencing here has to do with the wording of the voting choices. I, like some others, find it difficult to restrict my opinion to one of the statements which have been provided. At this point, 40.6% have voted for the statement "I really don't feel that he owes us anything and I understand why he hasn't said or written anything about Heath's passing". I agree almost without exception that "I really don't feel that he owes us anything", however, I don't understand how anyone can agree with the second part. To anyone who can honestly state "I understand why he hasn't said or written anything about Heath's passing", please explain it to me and the rest of the world. You must be in intimate touch with the depths of Jake Gyllenhaal's mind. Perhaps I'm nit-picking with semantics, but the results of the poll thus far seems to me like "lying with statistics". Yes, I'll admit I'm "disappointed", but there's no way I could ever say that I "understand".
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My bad, maybe you want to take a shot at better categories? This is the best I could do. :D
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