You think that's funny? You should see the response it's prompted on my forum. I include a transcript here for your amusement. I should point out that the apart from myself, the participants in the conversation thus far are Pink Lady and Rose (known as Rosey), who are the forum's resident clowns. Every forum needs a clown and between 'em Pinkie and Rosey (and Missy who's damn near dafter than the pair of 'em put together) certainly cheer up my residents when they're feeling a bit down...
Bliss: [initial post as here]
Rosey:
Nope I definately know the car is moving because I know the cocker spaniel in the photograph is actually a very good driver despite the fact he only has three paws - it was a terrible accident when his wife who was riding the motorbike accidently ran over his paw as he was changing a tyre.
Time for roseys meds I think
Bliss:
LOL! That's so spooky! I was just reading something where there was a scene (only it wasn't a cocker spaniel) where someone had an accident while changing a tyre! Much weirdness on the web today!
Rosey:
Well see weird web spiders - did you know spider webs can be used to dress wounds but actually you do need to make sure the spider isn't still there.
I took the tablets but they don't seem to be working!
Hellllllllllppppppppppppppppp
Bliss:
Not in my house they can't. Any sign of the little blighters around here and out comes Dotty Duster and the horrid little things find themselves homeless and having to apply to the local council for temporary housing.
Pink Lady:
Great piccie! The spiders in our house get free swimming lessons, whirlpool effect thrown in too, better than any waterpark!
Cruel I know, but I can't stand them, rinsing down the plug hole is unfortunately the most effective method
Rosey:
I am sorry but I have to stand up for the rights of us spiders here, I mean to say there we are happily killing all your flies, creepy crawlies and pests and all we ask for is the right to build our home in a small corner of yours.
We are not noisy like you, we do not poo into bowls like you - which you then have the stupidity to clean and complain that you have to clean.
We are carbon neutral and don't use gas or electricity - though we can keep reasonably warm by building our home near one of your glass warmer thingies.
We have eight legs (well most of us unless your little people pull em off) which means we do not need mechanical vehicles to get around which is another reason we are carbon neutral.
We are quite high up the food chain as we eat what ate your food when you left it out on the worktop which is usually food which ate probably ate our relatives while out in the field which means you eat us after eating what ate your food - see its the eight leg thing it makes us waffle a lot - and we can do a pretty mean riverdance imitation all by ourselves.
And what happens - you come along and send us to one of your water theme parks - without a bye your leave I might say and we end up in some long dark thing which is warm because you used that bowl thing and is wet and is dark and has plenty of flies and creepy crawlies and what happens...................................
We grow bigger and come back and lie in that big thing that you get into to get wet all over and the dance starts all over again.............................
So just a suggestion here but maybe if you put us spiders into the category of unpaid help around the home and put us out of the window once in a while we would stay small........... and hey if you have to evict us make it friendly and carbon neutral.
I speak on behalf of spiders everywhere when I say we are not bigoted racist sexist or nudist (well actually yes we are nudist) but definately not homist. We will still be friends with you and your home regardless of the number of times you try to evict us.
Spiders
Put
In
Da
Effort
Required
So you don't have to
I humbly thank you for reading this party political broadcast on behalf of the SPIDERS UNITED party
this broadcast was typed by rosey because our eight legs make a mess when all try to type at once.
Bliss:
I speak on behalf of spiders everywhere when I say we are not bigoted racist sexist or nudist (well actually yes we are nudist) but definately not homist.
I'm glad to hear it Rosey. I guess that's kind of evidenced by the fact that our eight-legged friends take up residence with households of all creeds and nationalities, clothed people and unclothed people, singletons and couples, and indeed gay couples - the new 'alternate' family: gay couple, their dog, and household of friendly accepting spiders.
My problem with spiders though is that quite apart from taking up residence without asking and certainly not signing a tenancy agreement or paying rent, they have a tendency to clash with my décor (I prefer my ceilings minimalist white without the adornment of a web type pattern (and ever noticed how spiders never seem to dust their own homes?), and the more adventurous ones certainly don't look before they leap when practising their parachuting to check no humans are in the way. I mean, it's not as though we're small and difficult to spot! I have a boarding house for spiders - it's called a garage (they don't clash with the décor so much there), and despite rumours to the contrary, I'm quite particular about who I share my bed with, and I'm afraid eight legs just don't do it for me.
I eagerly await Rosey's response to that one!