Howdy, partners!
Well, last Wednesday I went to Chicago and I met up with Celeste (YaadPyar) and we hung out and all of that fun stuff. You'll be pleased to know that she's even much more fun and exciting in person (hard to believe, I know, but it's true).
I was supposed to meet Celeste at 3:00pm CST (that's Celeste Standard Time, not Central Standard Time like most people think) in the Starbucks located on the main floor of the Sears Tower. And even though I had some major traffic problems on the Ryan Expressway (driving 35mph), I, being my punctual self, still made it downtown before 3:00pm CST. However, not much before 3:00pm CST (I won't tell you how close I was). Anway, I was rapidly approaching the meeting time and I still had yet to park my car and make it to the Sears Tower. I had Celeste's cell number and a cell phone on me, but as I told her... my determination wasn't as much for her sake as it was for mine! I mean, I made a five hour trip and had traffic problems and I was still able to make it on time... I wasn't going to let this escape me -- not this triumphant victory over the untameable beast that is Time!
So I parked my car and hopped out and started running... and, oh boy, did I run. I was soooo close! So I ran and ran and it was extremely hot and humid out and I was sweating and I finally made it to the Sears Tower and then asked one of the guys up front where the Starbucks was and he pointed me in the direction. And when I got there, I looked at my watch... and, oh yeah, 3:58pm. That's right, bitches. (I'm on EST, so that meant it was 2:58pm CST... I had made it! Whee!)
But I was a nice, sweaty mess by this time. And after about five minutes, Celeste was still nowhere in sight. I called her up on her celephone, but alas, she didn't answer! Oh, no! -- Are you scared? Don't be scared. Everything turned out well. It was but a minute or two before I saw her from a distance and we both immediately knew each other. She sorta hustled over and greeted me with a giant hug. I must admit that I was somewhat hesitant at first... because I'm just nervous in front of people I'm not comfortable with
and I was a disgusting mess from having run six blocks in the heat (and I hate to make those bad first impressions, ugh). But she said she didn't mind my being all sweaty and we went into the Starbucks.
She instinctively offered to get me an ice-water to rehydrate my body... and after a fickle moment of playing "yes, no, yes, no," I finally decided that "yes, I will have a glass of ice water," so she got in line and made me be her stuff-bitch and watch all of her belongings -- which I did honestly and loyally with no foul play! *angelic look* When she got back, I whipped out the digital camera that I had borrowed from my mother and took a snapshot of her and then it literally just died in my hands. I had realized that when my mother had given it to me, it was
not turned off, and I thought it was! So it spent five hours on the road just not doing anything but wasting the battery charge! Ugh.
Anyway, we chatted for a while and then decided to go to the Skydeck and see the world from the top of the Sears Tower. She had lived in Chicago for over four years and she had still not gone to the top of the Sears Tower, can you believe that!? After walking out of Starbucks, she offered to be my stuff-bitch and put my things in her bag (camera, book to be signed, etc.) and so we stopped for a moment at these convenient Sears Tower setter-down things and she opened up her bag and put my stuff inside. And then it was off to the Skydeck! An exhausting two minute walk around the outside of the building. Woe are my feet.
But this is where we took an elevator... down? ... that's right, down! We took an elevator
down to the basement floor so that we could be price-gouged (tourist style) just to see the top of the building that
doesn't have the tallest roof-line in the world. But Celeste was an absolute sweetheart and she insisted on treating me to my visit of the Sears Tower and we, in turn, had an intense argument that exchanged something to the effect of -- "don't pay for me, Celeste" ... "no, it's my treat," ... "okay." -- we finally got rangled into some huge underground labyrinth chock full of those black rope things that they usually have at banks so that there isn't any chaos.
It was somewhere during this duration that they took our picture together in front of a green backdrop, so that they could superimpose us in front of a view from the top of the Sears Tower (why they couldn't have just taken the picture up at the top, don't ask me why... they might as well just do this picture thing in other cities, or offer me backdrops of like the Sphinx or Mount Rushmore). Hell, I think I could probably doctor my own photo of placing me in front of a view from the Sears Tower on my computer! Anyway, I'll stop ranting. They took the photo. And the photo they took is at the bottom (and I'll include a description at the end).
And after being involved in what might be one of the most ridiculous things I've ever been a part of -- going through a revolving door while in the midst of a huge line of people waiting to get to a major attraction -- we finally got to... a movie theater?
Yes, a movie theater. We were all rangled into this movie theater and forced to find seats and sit down. Celeste and I were
sure that we were going to be seeing Brokeback Mountain. I mean, why else would we be on our way to the top of the Sears Tower only to be lured into some darkened theater with a bunch of strangers? Much to our dismay, Brokeback Mountain did not begin to play. Instead, we watched a documentary about the Sears Tower -- and it wasn't even a documentary that they had made on their own accord, it was one they got from the History Channel! Cheaters!
And what was even more hilarious was that during the documentary we learned that the Sears Tower is
not the tallest building in the world in terms of roof-line (although at one time it was). It is currently only the tallest building because its antannaes at the top are extremely long and
those make it the tallest building in the world.
Anyway, after the lights came up and I was sort of in a dazed condition trying to figure out where I was and what I was doing (think John Cusack after the orientation video in Being John Malkovich), we were herded back into the maze only to be wound around a few more times before finally reaching an elevator to take us
up the Sears Tower. Finally.
We would have had to wait longer, but we were bumped up to the front of the line because they needed a "group" of two people and we were the first "group" of two people in the line. So they squeezed us in the elevator and rocketed us up to the 103rd floor in 60 seconds (that's pretty damn fast, in case you didn't know)... but I sure would have liked to have seen the 110th floor. Bah!
Anyway, we walked around the Skydeck and I had a fun time trying to see the sights of Chicago through the overcast... and Celeste was kind of enough to point out everything that I
would be seeing, if I were actually able to see it. And I also pulled out my camera to see if I could get it working and was able to get it alive for just the amount of time it took Celeste to take a photo of me in front of the real view from the Sears Tower.
After all of this, we took the elevator back down to the basement floor where they led us through a photo station and this overly-cheery, cute, irresistable girl (give me a moment, she was really pretty)... hehehe, oh, yeah.... was trying to talk us into buying the photo we had together. And after this awkward discussion in front of this attractive young lass who was working on commission, we opted to get their only package of photos available and split the cost (and the photos).
And then after taking another elevator ride
up to the main floor, it was off to Celeste's home! And boy does she have a home, I tell you what! It's so nice and pretty and she's got this awesome meditation center complete with a music archive full of CDs that you would think could only be found at government funded mental health facilities. And she showed me her cat, Nina, (that second "n" is supposed to have a squiggly mark above it, so as to be pronounced "Neen-ya") which I bravely picked up, only to be told that I was quite lucky that I wasn't mercilessly slaughtered. And then we got online and I chatted with a few of my fellow Brokies (ya'll know who ya are) as YaadPyar. And then came the fun part. We put in Brokeback Mountain and watched the summer on the mountain while quoting it and laughing uncontrollably. What fun!
And then it was time for Celeste to walk me down to the bookstore so that I could get my book signed. I'll skip over most of this part, as it doesn't really have much to do with Celeste (although it was unbelievably exciting). Celeste left me to be in line and get my book signed, as she didn't want to be seen in the company of 300 twenty-something males and said she would be back in a half hour. When that time came around and it still looked like I wasn't going to get my book signed, I called her and she came up to find me so we could talk about the plan on what to do. I told her to just go home and I would come back and see her after I was finished. And so that's what happened.
After getting my book signed (The Alphabet of Manliness by Maddox, in case you're curious) I went back to Celeste's place and we chatted and stuff for a while. And after an explanation of how to find the interstate from where I was and two good-bye hugs... I was on my way back home.
Made it back about 5:00am EST and immediately went to bed after having creamed my ass with some ointment. You see, having walked around Chicago that entire time with my sweat-drenched drawers and jeans, they rubbed my ass-crack raw and it was hurting unbelievably bad! It's all better now, though. Don't worry.
Anyway... the photo. That's Celeste on the left (don't be confused, we look a lot alike) and me on the right. She's the sillyheart with the huge cheesy grin and I'm the goofball that decided to take a drink of his ice water while they took the photo. If you think that my taking a drink ruined the photo, then you may want to send a "thank you" to Celeste, as she was sure to beat the crap out of me once she realized what I had done.
Hope you enjoyed the story!
David Thomas
