The World Beyond BetterMost > The Culture Tent
In the New Yorker...
serious crayons:
--- Quote from: Jeff Wrangler on November 23, 2013, 05:37:15 pm ---Good point--I'm assuming it's the gay marriage--and assuming if she had a heterosexual marriage she would have written "my husband" instead of "my spouse" or "my partner." But I suppose she could have had more than one gay/lesbian marriage, too.
--- End quote ---
Five to ten years ago, if I heard a woman refer to "my partner" I would assume her partner was a woman, and sometimes would be mildly surprised to find it was a man. But these days it has become such a common locution that I don't make assumptions one way or another when someone says it.
(However, I have rarely if ever heard a straight man refer to his female partner as "my partner" -- if I did, I would probably assume he meant his business partner.)
--- Quote ---Perhaps she kept that undisclosed because it might have been a distraction to readers who didn't already know she's lesbian? Plus, in a way I think the gender of her spouse is kind of irrelevant to the story she's telling. I understand that the loss of a pregnancy sometimes leads to the breakup of heterosexual couples, too.
--- End quote ---
( * * * SPOILER ALERT * * * )
I decided to retrieve the relevant passages. She doesn't appear to be quite bending over backward to avoid revealing gender -- the sentences feel graceful and natural -- yet the omission, over three mentions, doesn't feel quite random, either. Meanwhile, at least two men in the piece are referred to as having wives.
--- Quote ---I could still feel spikes of adrenaline when I was back at my desk in New York, typing, while my spouse cooked a chicken in the kitchen.
My partner—who had always indicated that I would need to cast the deciding vote on parenthood—had come with me, and we were having one of those magical moments in a marriage when you find each other completely delightful.
Within a week, the apartment we were supposed to move into with the baby fell through. Within three, my marriage had shattered.
--- End quote ---
I agree that the partner's gender is not crucial to the story. But the essay is full of details that, strictly speaking, it could have lived without: the games she played as a child, what the Greek publisher and his wife (ahem) served for dinner in their apartment, Mongolia's mineral resources. I'm not saying they were excessive or padding, I'm saying that it seems significant that out of all the details she did include, one she didn't, apparently deliberately, is the gender of her (presumably) same-sex partner.
Given that one of the benefits of marriage equality is that it "normalizes" women having wives and men husbands in mainstream minds, it would have been nice to see a casual mention of her wife without further ado. I'm always happy to see same-sex couples portrayed in the media in ways that we're used to seeing straight couples portrayed, without fanfare.
Another possibility is that this is actually a later marriage, the spouse/partner this time is a man, and if she used male pronouns she feared she'd confuse people like us who are familiar with her wedding essay. But nor did she want to have to stop and explain ("Oh, by the way, in case you read my other essay, this is someone else ...").
serious crayons:
--- Quote from: Front-Ranger on November 23, 2013, 06:12:38 pm ---If you're thinking about it from the standpoint of safety, India is a far safer country than the US. Every third person is not toting a concealed gun and Indians are such pacifist that they wouldn't harm a cow or even an ant. India is a very popular destination for college graduates who want to see a completely different culture.
If you're thinking that it's a long way away and an arduous plane trip, then it's better to go when you're young than when you're older and not as limber or flexible.
Depends on how you're approaching the idea.
--- End quote ---
No, I'm talking about having the self-confidence to navigate a foreign environment where I can't speak or read the language and am unfamiliar with the customs. I was pretty daunted planning trips to Spain and France last summer with my sons, even though at least one of us spoke the language in either place, I've been to Europe a number of times and their cultures are more similar to ours than India's is. I'm not a very intrepid traveler, I guess.
The idea of violence didn't enter my mind in regard to India, though I'm sure in some other countries that would be a concern. The plane ride would be arduous but that alone wouldn't stop me.
Front-Ranger:
But, in India, as a former British colony, everyone speaks English!
Sason:
--- Quote from: Front-Ranger on November 24, 2013, 12:55:37 am ---But, in India, as a former British colony, everyone speaks English!
--- End quote ---
Just like...ahem....USA....
serious crayons:
I know. But I find travel challenging, though rewarding. Kudos to you for not being daunted!
Don't get me wrong -- I'd go to India, just probably not all by myself. I prefer to share my confusion with others.
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