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Gay Detecting Radar

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starboardlight:
I'm with Celeste. My gaydar is all instinct. I can't always tell what it is I'm picking up on. Sometimes it's the eye contact that's held a little too long. Sometimes it's just the energy that people give off. It's hard to explain.

Giancarlo:
My gaydar is certainly instinctive. I know a gay guy here when I see one... though I usually am more familiar with flamey and outgoing type of gay guys, being one myself. The "straight acting" ones are hard to recognize.

Katie77:
Interesting reading about your gay-radar (gaydar....like that).....anyway....from a straight females point of view, here are the things i look for or notice....

Usualy the guy is nice looking, and if he hasnt got a female hanging off him, i think, he is either shy or he is gay.

Usually, they dress very nice, and look after themselves...body, hair, skin, clothes.

Usually, they are great in conversation with women.

Always, they are polite and respectful to women.

Sometimes, they talk about romantic songs, or something men are embarrassed to talk about.They usually are pretty open with their emotions.

Usually, they have a pretty good job.

Usually, they live at home, or rent with a "mate".

Usually they love their mum, and arent embarrassed to admit that.

Usually, they like going to the movies.

Usually they dont join in much with "boy talk" with straight men.

Usually they love animals, and are very caring.

..............and last of all......Always, if they walk down the street holding hands with another bloke....i KNOW they are gay........

How have I done with describing the gay guys here.....am I close......

Lynne:
This is a really interesting question.  As Giancarlo says, it's easy enough for me to recognize flamboyant personalities who actually want others to know.  But for people who are more subtle, I have a really difficult time.  I think my gaydar may be slightly better with women than men, but in general, I'm wrong as often as I'm right, so I may as well flip a coin or just ask if I feel a compelling need to know.

On the subject of 'just asking', btw...I had a very cool experience last night.  I was out with some friends after work and the crowd had dwindled to two of us.  I've known B. socially for 5+ years and usually see him 2-3 times per week.  As is par for my course, I went onto my BBM/BetterMost forum tangent, my fave topic of conversation :) and mentioned this thread.  I realized that after all this time, I really didn't 'know' B.'s orientation because it had never come up.  If forced to guess, I would have said 'gay', really just because of the lack of our ever talking about relationships.  We most frequently talk about our parents because he is also taking care of a parent.  So I asked directly.  (Disclaimer:  I prefaced it with saying that if he felt it was none of my business, feel free to tell me so, I would not be offended - no harm/no foul, etc...)

B. told me he is bi and was absolutely overjoyed that I had asked!  He was so happy about it, I know he hugged me 10 times before it was done.  Then he proceeded to share with me about a really good friend of his and his crush ;) !  So there's just one more example in my world of BBM helping to facilitate communication and build better, more honest relationships.

-Lynne

8)

starboardlight:
boy! lynn, the amount of relief he must have felt to be able to open up. and believe me it creates a deep level of intimacy to share that part of you. you can clearly tell by the hugs and the flow of conversation afterward that he finally felt like the two of you just overcame a barrier together. yet, just asking works. of course, it doesn't work with strangers.

and yes, like Giancarlo, detecting flamboyant guys is easy, but having grown up in the suburbs, I seem to have a knack for detecting closeted married men at Target, the gym, or the supermarkets. With these guys though, it's gotta be rough. They keep themselves so shut off but their eyes will wander at the wrong time, and I seem to catch them at those times.

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