The World Beyond BetterMost > Women Today
Woman decides full-time mothering isn't for her
Kelda:
--- Quote from: Marge_Innavera on March 08, 2011, 11:50:58 am ---Again to Del's point -- if the genders were reversed I doubt we'd be reading any speculation re 'his wife's needs and wants outside of being a Mom'.
And you rarely hear of men with families whose careers consume their time described as selfish. On the contrary, if they spend any time at all with their kids they're praised for being involved.
--- End quote ---
I already said that..
--- Quote from: Kelda on March 07, 2011, 05:00:13 pm ---
For me, I'd be saying the same thing if it was the husband.
But I can see where you guys are coming from saying that many people wouldn't think like that if it was the husband.
--- End quote ---
delalluvia:
--- Quote from: crayonlicious on March 08, 2011, 12:06:53 pm ---That's true, up to a point. But men who take time off work to care for their kids are also sometimes penalized in the workplace. Women are, too, which is why mothers pay a wage penalty compared to both men and women who don't have kids. But those women are considered bad workers but good mothers. Men who forgo work for kids are sometimes considered bad workers AND bad fathers because they aren't "good providers." So for example, even in companies that offer paternity leave, men are afraid to take it.
Our assumptions regarding gender roles, parenting and work are very screwed up, and both men and women pay the price.
--- End quote ---
I do hear that they may be bad providers, but never bad fathers. Look! They sacrificed their careers for their kids. Men always get extra kudos for doing something women have been doing for years. And as I understand it, in Europe, men don't have any problems at all taking paternity leave.
Kelda:
--- Quote from: delalluvia on March 08, 2011, 03:36:50 pm ---I do hear that they may be bad providers, but never bad fathers. Look! They sacrificed their careers for their kids. Men always get extra kudos for doing something women have been doing for years. And as I understand it, in Europe, men don't have any problems at all taking paternity leave.
--- End quote ---
Certainly in the UK, i wouldn't say that is necessarilly true in the private sector unfortunately.
serious crayons:
--- Quote from: delalluvia on March 08, 2011, 03:36:50 pm ---I do hear that they may be bad providers, but never bad fathers. Look! They sacrificed their careers for their kids. Men always get extra kudos for doing something women have been doing for years. And as I understand it, in Europe, men don't have any problems at all taking paternity leave.
--- End quote ---
Right. But in many minds, good father = good provider and vice versa.
Lynne:
I remember my Uncle Charlie - an old-fashioned man - Mom's older brother - very way-of-the-world-savvy and self-educated. For instance, he read the newspaper every day, but he couldn't read or write in cursive.
Anyhow, he once remarked to my mother when I was about 17 and Billy 14 that he didn't understand why she was pushing so hard for me to get an education when I'd be getting married and having children, and further said that my brother was going to be the one who needed to provide for a family.
(Whether she 'pushed' me harder or not is a subject for debate at a different time - she certainly expected more from me, but I think that was more because I was the oldest and he had more health problems.)
A few years later when I had started the familial support of everyone, including my brother, he apologized in his own way. He said something to my mom along the lines of how he must have had things backwards and gave her 1/4 carat diamond stud earrings that once belonged to his late wife to give to me. He died from throat and lung cancer a few months later.
:(
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