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Kerry's Komedy Klub
Katie77:
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns & toast for $1.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then, I'll have to charge you two dollars & forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.
'YES!!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then.' my wife said.
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!
Katie77:
Will I Be 80
I recently turned 65 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my Medicare program.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him 'Do you think I will live to be 80?'
He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I don't do drugs, either.'
'Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?'
'I said, 'No, I usually stay home and keep to myself'.
'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
I said, 'No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said. 'I don't do any of those things.'
He looked at me and said, 'Then why do you give a shit?
Kerry:
Katie77:
Did you know that eagles mate for life?
Well, one day Harry the eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10
glorious years. After awhile when she didn't return, he went looking and
found her. She had been shot. Dead!
Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided
that he must get himself another mate but since there weren't any lady
eagles available, he'd have to cross the feather barrier. So he flew off to
find a new mate.
He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest.
The sex was good but all the dove would say is 'I am a DOVE, I want to love!
I am a DOVE, I want to love!'
Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and
flew off once more to find a mate.
He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest.
Again, the sex was good but all the loon would say is, 'I am a LOON, I want
to spoon! I am a LOON, I want
to spoon!'. So out with the loon. Once more he flew off to find a mate.
This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest.
This time the sex was great, but all the
duck would say was....
No, the duck didn't say THAT !!
Don't be SO disgusting!!!
The duck said, 'I am a DRAKE, you've made a MISTAKE !
Katie77:
Captured by terroists
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago . Nothing Is
Moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened, what's the
hold Up?'
'Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton,Oprah Winfrey,
Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10
Million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set
them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.'
The driver asks, 'On average, how much is everyone giving?'
'About a gallon.'
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