I have been avoiding this thread for some reason but, having just watched BbM and feeling particularly SOMETHING, I guess the time is right.
In my case 21 years. I met G when he was 20 and I was 26-he was beautiful and charming and damaged and crazy, just the kind of mistake a sheltered, insecure, quiet girl was bound to make. He offered to buy me a drink-had to go borrow money from one of his friends to do it-and I accepted, something I never did. He ended up drinking it and saying goofy things trying to impress me. I took him home with me, he took a bath in my tub. I was in like. Since it was never meant to be anything, I didn't see him again for several months when I happened upon him playing tennis. We saw each other on and off through the years-he got married and divorced, he had girlfriends, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, mental health issues and I had the memory of our good times together but I never had him. I could never understand, and still don't, how he could profess his love for me, how we could be sooo compatible in so many ways (and NOT in so many others) and yet never want me. My fear (always my fear) was he didn't because I'm black (and here lies the damage of racism-stupid Crash missed it by a mile). He assured me that was not the case but I was never able to trust his words. Well, he moved to another state a couple of years ago and after one visit, a great visit, I decided it was time to quit that dream. A dream that, in reality, made absolutely no sense for me. We talked to each other only on birthdays and for the most part I quit and stayed quited.
Then comes BbM and just opened all emotional baggage and threw it around the room. How did I let 24 years of my life go by waiting for something I didn't really need? How did I let myself get so lonely and detached and afraid? Oh, falling apart now-gotta go
