Author Topic: Ignorance is bliss?  (Read 8223 times)

moremojo

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Re: Ignorance is bliss?
« Reply #10 on: September 13, 2007, 11:56:26 am »
Natali, the story of your grandmother's state of mind (would senility be the accurate term here?) reminds me of my late maternal grandfather's condition when he died in December 1998. He was dying at home of progressive bone cancer, and was heavily doped up with morphine to ease his pain--otherwise, his mind was quite good, even at the age of eighty-four.

His death was expected at any day, and the extended family had gathered at his home in Sugar Land, Texas to be near him when it did happen. Christmas was approaching, and the family decided to celebrate Christmas early so as to have one last such event with my grandfather alive, lest he die before or on the actual date itself. I can't remember if it was a day or two before Christmas Eve (the time when my family traditionally celebrates the usual Christmas festivities), but this very sick, non-lucid old man was wheeled out of his bedroom into the den, told that it was Christmas Eve, and sat frail and failing while carols were sung. Apart from the potential needless suffering that could have been avoided by leaving the poor man in his bed, I thought it was wrong (and still do) that he was lied to about the actual date--the family thought they were doing him a favor, when they were actually doing this for themselves. So many "little white lies" that are rationalized as being for the good of the person being deceived are actually for the benefit of the liar.

As it turned out, my grandfather died on December 29th, so he lived to and beyond Christmas after all. And if he hadn't, would that have been so "terrible", for him at least? I just think it's wrong to deceive someone like that, especially someone in such a vulnerable state.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2007, 04:34:29 pm by moremojo »

Offline opinionista

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Re: Ignorance is bliss?
« Reply #11 on: September 13, 2007, 12:02:49 pm »
Well, as far as I am concerned, I don't think anyone in my family actually lies to my grandma. We tell her but she forgets, so we just let her be. Anyway, Im sorry to hear about your grandpa.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2007, 12:08:29 pm by opinionista »
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. -Mark Twain.

moremojo

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Re: Ignorance is bliss?
« Reply #12 on: September 13, 2007, 12:09:07 pm »
Well, as far as I am concerned, I don't think anyone in my family actually lies to my grandma. We tell her but she forgets, so we just let her be.
Quite so, and I apologize if my post led you to think I was positing my story as an exact analogue to yours. Your story simply made me think of my grandfather's experience, in which he was most definitely lied to. Your grandmother is simply unable to retain the facts that are honestly presented to her.

Peace,
Scott

Offline opinionista

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Re: Ignorance is bliss?
« Reply #13 on: September 13, 2007, 12:11:21 pm »
Quite so, and I apologize if my post led you to think I was positing my story as an exact analogue to yours. Your story simply made me think of my grandfather's experience, in which he was most definitely lied to. Your grandmother is simply unable to retain the facts that are honestly presented to her.

Peace,
Scott

No need to apologize Scott, I wasn't offended. I didn't think you were making an analogy or anything. The story you tell happens to a lot of people. I live in Spain and my family is in Puerto Rico so I don't know the day to day details. Maybe they do lie to her.  Who knows.
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. -Mark Twain.

Offline Shakesthecoffecan

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Re: Ignorance is bliss?
« Reply #14 on: September 13, 2007, 12:34:39 pm »
This exchange reminds me of my own Granny, who had short term memory loss. She lived in a nursing home the last years of her life, and was lucid but confused.

When our visits would draw to a close and it was time to go she would get so upset with our leaving we began telling her we had to go to the store and would be back later, she accepted this with no problem. Her room mate told us that in fact as soon as we left Granny apparently forgot all about our visit. She never brought it up with us.

We start out in a fog of infancy, and if we live long enough we return to it.
"It was only you in my life, and it will always be only you, Jack, I swear."

injest

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Re: Ignorance is bliss?
« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2007, 06:31:07 pm »
This exchange reminds me of my own Granny, who had short term memory loss. She lived in a nursing home the last years of her life, and was lucid but confused.

When our visits would draw to a close and it was time to go she would get so upset with our leaving we began telling her we had to go to the store and would be back later, she accepted this with no problem. Her room mate told us that in fact as soon as we left Granny apparently forgot all about our visit. She never brought it up with us.

We start out in a fog of infancy, and if we live long enough we return to it.

yes, my grandmother was failing in her mind and bedridden. She often believed she saw the school bus bringing her kids home and the cows across the road. My aunt would insist on telling her NO there are no cows. there is no school bus.. Just stressing herself out over it. I would always admire the cows and agree that my mother was getting tall....

she wasn't ever gonna get better...why yell at her for what she couldn't help? just let it go...

Offline opinionista

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Re: Ignorance is bliss?
« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2007, 06:58:29 pm »
why yell at her for what she couldn't help? just let it go...

That's what I tell my aunt, who takes care of my grandmother. Every time any of my siblings, cousins or I go visit her she always think we're somebody else. She repeats it over and over again. My aunt gets desperated, and yells at her. "That's no her!" she says. I tell her to let her be, there's no point in correcting her anymore. I do like you do, I say yes yes I am whoever she thinks I am.
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. -Mark Twain.

Offline Kerry

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Re: Ignorance is bliss?
« Reply #17 on: September 14, 2007, 10:46:01 pm »
This topic reminds me of my grandmother. My grandma suffers from short term memory loss as a result of old age. She's 95 years old. When my grandfather died, we gave her the news. She cried for one second, then forgot all about it and went about her business. Then we took her to the funerary home because we thought it was the right thing and that she would like to be there. It was her husband after all. When she saw my grandpa in the coffin, she would cry unconsolably, but then we would take out of the room, to the cafeteria or something, and she was happy talking about her usual stuff, though she would ask from time to time who died. My dad ended up deciding to left her at home with my aunt because there was no point in having her there. Up to this day she thinks my grandpa is out at the store, or visiting the next door neighbor. It is sad for us to see that but at the same time we are relieved that she is not suffering. So I suppose in certain situations, ignorance is bliss. But her memory has worsened and now she doesn't remember half of the family, except my dad and my aunt that are often with her.  :-\

This reminds me of something my mother once said to me. I was probably in my teens/twenties at the time (long time ago!).

I don't remember how it came up in conversation, but I remember Mum saying that there are two kinds of people in a nursing home. Those who are fully alert and lucid and are, as a consequence, devastatingly aware of their predicament, creating anxiety, stress and resentment. And then there are those in the second category, who are "off with the pixies" (my Mum's expression).

I remember Mum saying at the time, that if ever she has to be put in a nursing home, she hopes she'll be in the latter category. As it turned out, Mum was sharp as a tack, right to the end. She died of cancer at age 80. Lived independently in her own home, with only minimal assistance with house cleaning and shopping.

She was prescribed morphine during the final three weeks of her life, which was the only time I ever say her a little foggy and addle-headed. But it was the morphine that was causing it. Nothing to do with faulty synapses.

I have to agree with my darling Mummy on this one.
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Offline Rogue

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Re: Ignorance is bliss?
« Reply #18 on: September 18, 2007, 03:48:57 pm »
sometimes ignorance is bliss but knowing the truth about things means you can do or try to do something to change it.  i think that knowing the truth can help people make better decisions about how their country or life is run.
"Love is a special word, and i use it only when i mean it you say the word to much and it becomes cheap." - ray charles

Offline notBastet

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Re: Ignorance is bliss?
« Reply #19 on: September 18, 2007, 09:46:58 pm »
those are good points.
“It can be a little distressing to have to overintellectualize yourself” - Heath Ledger