I've decided to post something here that is on the serious side.
Not sure if anyone else will reply, or if it will bring acrimony to my blog, but shit....it's my blog, and I'm going to post it.
Ever since the election, there has been fueding on BetterMost....and a lot of people seem to be surprised by this.
I'm not.
I've been a member of quite a few forums, since the late 90s or so. When a new forum opens, like-minded people come together and get friendly, enjoying the similiarities that the enjoy.
I saw this on a forum called "Gay Pride . Com" (no longer on the net). All the gay people there were happy to meet and share their stories on coming out and what they've gone through.
Then, differences started to show, and fighting started.
I'm a mod of a music site called "Club Freestyle .com". When that site first started, we were all fans of freestyle music, and so psyched to meet other fans of the genre, we bonded instantly. We even started get togethers and members would meet up at shows/concerts of the freestyle artists.
Then, arguements started, and name calling, and even escalated to threates of violence ("if you show up at the club for the concert, you'll regret it!"). I even had the pleasure of being called an "A.I.D.S infected faggot" on the site, and I was a "Super Mod" there.
The site is pretty much dead now. It used to be that there would be 100 or more members online chatting, and now there are days I go in, and I'm the only member signed on.
When Brokeback happened, we were all kicked in the stomach, and tried to find common people. Some found IMDB, I found DCF, others found BetterMost. My opinion.....we "idealized" each other. How could we not? We were the ones who "got it"! We knew about others who saw the movie and knew it was good, but weren't affected the way we were, and therefore, they didn't "get it" like we did. And we got together, met, and hugged and cried and partied.
And then we saw each other, warts and all, and were kind of taken aback. 
I think we need to realize that we are ALL different people, with different stories, and different attitudes and opinions. We're not going to like everything that gets said and posted here.
There's also no rule that says we all have to be friends.
I understand that there are those who feel the need to leave, and I'm sorry they feel that way. Do I want to see anyone leave from here? Of course not. But in the end, people have to do what is right for them.
Name calling, shouting, insults, carefully worded posts that just touch the edge of a personal attack.....they serve no purpose, other than to be insulting and stir the pot. And those members that do post like that are no better than the ones shouting insults in all caps.
If you tells someone "Fuck you.", it doesn't matter how nice the tone or how it's worded. In the end, it's still "Fuck you."
Do I agree with everything that is posted here, 100%? Hell no. Do I agree with all the Mod and Admin decisions? Hell no. Doesn't matter. Not my site, I'm just a member here. But the way the site is run, nor the posts that I don't like, do not detract from all the positives that I've had here.
I've met a wonderful group of people. I got to see the filming sites for Brokeback in Canada, and tour story locations in Wyoming. I got to go to New Zealand and Australia. Was adopted by three "big brothers" {Hiya Paul, Rich, and Tru.....love ya!!!!!} I've had my world view, and my political views, expanded. I had a great romantic experience, and had my first date on Valentine's Day.
This way outweighs any negatives I have to deal with on here.
On April 19th, 2006, I was asked to become a moderator on Dave Cullen Forum. I gladly accepted, and I'm still a mod there now. I know what the mods go through here on a daily basis. It's a rough job, that people take for granted.
I understand that people are not happy with the way things are done here sometimes. Shit happens. There is no way that the Mod/Admin team can make everyone happy. It's an impossible task. You don't know how frustrating it is knowing that you are going to make decisions that people will be upset with, and then have to try to calm them down after the decision is made, and then going to bed at the end of the day doubting if it was the right decision after all.
Mods give up their spare time for free, and help keep the site running.
How about giving the mod team here a break? They are not ignorant, nor are they willfully trying to piss people off or drive them away.
As for how people relate to each other here, I can only tell you what works for me. I operate on the advice my mother told me when I was young:
"If you want to be someone's friend, you have to accept them for how they are, warts and all. If you can't do that, you have no business being their friend at all."
Do I agree with everything that everyone posts here? Hell no! I choose to either let them spout thier views and scroll by, or respond to the best of my ability, and do so without flaming the threads.
Anyone who would like to reply to this post is welcome. Just treat me the way I will treat you. With respect, like an adult.
Chuck, I'm grateful to read your words. I think you are right - we came together over
one thing that is important to all of us, and that one thing has kept us together as we get to know the other aspects of each other. When I read posts at BetterMost, I am fascinated to discover opinions and attitudes and ways of living that hadn't yet occurred to me. To me we're incredibly lucky to have this community where we can see and explore and get to know this variety of humanity.
I don't like everything I'm exposed to here. As an admin, sometimes it's hard for me to stick with Phillip's core value that there is only one Rule here, "No personal attacks of fellow members." People have said some things that have upset me a lot, that go against my values, that have grossed me out. With easy access to the delete button, it can be challenging to me to leave stuff I deem yucky and wrong standing. But I do. If the post really feels inappropriate, I might PM the person or people involved.
Like everyone here, the other mods and I are on a learning curve, and we are figuring things out as we go. If we had had a way of knowing how painful last season's political rancor and diviseness was going to become at BetterMost, I think almost all of us would have done some things differently. The best any of us can do is take care of our own words and behavior, and to try to be an asset to this unique community that many of us do still love and appreciate.
Topic: Cellar Scribblings (Read 8845468 times)