[From the Mayor] On the Occasion of Heath's Passing...

[Phillip Dampier]

Dear Residents,

It has been a tragic week for all of us with the news of the untimely passing of Heath Ledger from circumstances overspeculated about in the media to the point of hysteria.  The speculation, hostility, and disrespect by the media has only increased the pain and emotional suffering that so many of our residents continue to endure.

Unfortunately, some of the tension about this entire tragedy has been felt in the way some of our residents have treated one another in public messages, our chatrooms, and perhaps even in private messages back and forth.  It seems that the wide variety of personalities and opinions that were tolerated here two weeks ago met with some challenge and occasional personal attacks this past week.

I realize that when nerves are frayed, emotions are stirred, and restful sleep is rare, the views some people express can just cause you to reach the boiling point.  I recognize this from the stress and anxiety I, and the rest of my family felt with the passing of my mom just over a year ago.  People grieve and hurt in so many different ways, not all of them predictable.  It is very important for everyone to realize that uncharacteristic behavior, short tempers, or intolerance of those who might stress you further are all symptoms of the grief process.  At this difficult time, it is more important than ever to do your best to recognize this.  As everyone knows, personal attacks of any kind are not permitted here.  It's better for everyone if you feel like putting someone else in their place or are feeling angry over something someone wrote, to get up from the computer and take a break.  Or write the message to yourself in a PM and then reread it the following day and decide whether it's something still worth posting or sending to someone else.  Sometimes the private venting process can relieve some stress without needing to post something publicly today that could be regretted tomorrow.

I personally got through the difficult time of the passing of my mom with some of these coping tools which you might find helpful:

 1) Exercise - By far this was the best one for me.  I maintained my daily power walking religiously, which made a huge difference in tension relief, helped with sleep, and got rid of pent-up anxiety.  Some people may want to contemplate things silently while exercising, others may want to listen to talk or music to get their minds off things.  Either works well.  Mall walking or just getting outside and going for a walk are equally good.

 2) Nutrition - Choose healthy choices.  High fat foods just make you sluggish and tired without giving your body the energy it needs.  Lean meats, lots of fruits and vegetables, and high-protein foods can all help build energy and make you feel better.

 3) Sleep - Not getting enough sleep can be a major problem.  Sometimes we tend to dwell on things bothering us the most just before nodding off and just after we wake up.  This happened to me.  Sometimes an over the counter sleep aid was appropriate, but most of the time I just tried to watch television or listen to the radio or read until I could barely keep my eyes open and then I just went to sleep.  Waking up can be worse for some, so the trick is getting out of bed upon waking and not allowing yourself to lay there and dwell on things.  Get up and start breakfast, read the newspaper, or watch some television.  Many people are the least rational in thought first thing in the morning and tend to amplify negative thoughts which don't seem as big as the day wears on.  If this is you, reminding yourself of this fact and getting up can help cut these feelings down.

 4) Talking - Calling a friend and talking out your feelings or writing about them here can help you through the coping process.  Good friends will listen no matter how long you need to talk things over.  Stay in touch with them.

If you have some more coping skills you can share, please do!  You may also find this topic useful to read.

I sense that we've nearly come full circle in our emotions, first profoundly impacted by the story of Brokeback Mountain, and now by this tragic news.  At this difficult time, BetterMost has been, is, and will be your family.  We understand the feelings that you have, and will be here for you to listen and give you support and encouragement.

Try to be good to each other along the way.

[LauraGigs]

A year later -- thank you for this sweet and wise post, Phillip.   

[optom3]

A year later -- thank you for this sweet and wise post, Phillip.   

I will second that thankyou. Your words are cathartic and wise. They help, what more can I say.

[Lynne]

I will second that thankyou. Your words are cathartic and wise. They help, what more can I say.

I completely agree.  I read them last year, but I don't think I truly absorbed them.  {{{{{Phillip}}}}}

I love this part best:

...Try to be good to each other along the way.

[retropian]

That's a nice post to revive, thanks. I do those things, exercise, eat right, get plenty of sleep (I'm lucky that way) and try to be sociable. But, after a year of wishing Heath was still here I guess I've reached acceptance. If you can't fix it, you've got to stand it. I hope everyone who has been touched by Heath's brilliant talent, creativity and joi de vivre seeks to find their own fulfillment, whatever form it takes.