Awesome, Sue!!
Now you know that ain't gonna work!! What you need to do is understand yourself better. The concept of "love at first sight" is very interesting. I have experienced it myself before, and what I've come to understand is that there was something in me that made me attach myself to a totally unknown person.
I know that deep down,I guess what I really meant, is that the love at first sight that traversed 15 years was destructive.I have also come to the conclusion that I set very high goals for myself,which when not attained,leaves me needy.A trait I am trying to break.
For the 1st time in my life I have begun something,tennis, which I know I will at best only ever be average at.For someone who has chosen to follow paths ,where I know I can achieve much success,this has been a big breakthrough for me.
It all stems back to a father who set almost impossible goals for me ,and whose love was handed out piece meal,apon achieving those goals.I have searched really deeep in my soul,and have reached the conclusion ,that my marriage to first a gay man,then an alcoholic was based apon some deep routed insecurities that I was unworthy of anything other than love with conditions attached.This in conjunction I guess, with the earlier rape.
When I then met a man who loved me warts and all,no conditions attached,I fell hard. and somehow managed to almost square it with my conscience,that despite being married,I deserved this form of love.
I am now comming to terms with the weakness that is in me,and have ensured that my love for my children is 100% and without conditions,or limitations.It is all very much a work in progress!!!!!!!!
Helped enormously by the good folk here at Better Most.
