telling people off

[forsythia12]

Remember when jack tore right into L.D. newsome?
Remember when cassie gave ennis a piece of her mind?
Or alma confronting ennis about his 'fishing trips'?

are you one for telling people off when you've had enough?
are you confrontational or does it take a long time to reach your limit before you explode?
do you let things just pass, or are you one of the first people to say something?

got any good stories of a time when you told someone 'where to go'?

[forsythia12]

omg this thread is very lonely.  i guess i'll reply to my own question
for me, whenever something happens, or someone pisses me off, it takes me like hours to figure out a comeback, or my side of the story.  it really sucks.  by the time i think of what i'm going to say, the topic is dead or over.  i wish i could think on my feet better, but i usually feel unsure about my thoughts until it's too late  if i were jack at the table with L.D.,  i probably wouldn've came up with that comeback the next day.....and done it in a letter or something.

i would be more like cassie or alma, who had quite some time to think about how hurt they were, and what they wanted to say if given the chance with ennis.
needless to say, i'm not good at arguments, especially if it's with someone i don't know very well.
if someone is really rude, like a cashier, i usually don't say anything, and then it sits in my head all day and i think how pissed i really am.....
anyone else this pathetic, or do you speak your mind in a timely manner?

my husband has got the temperment of a saint.  yes, he's blown up at me over silly stuff once in a while, but usually he's very patient, and doesn't let things bother him like i do.  he's also not one to confront...he just let's it slide off his back so easy.  i wish i was more like that because i know that i let things bother me to much, and to top it off, i don't do anything about it.

 

[forsythia12]

Okay, I'll bite.  I used to have a fair amount of strife in my everyday life, and then 2 things happened.

(1) I attended a workshop on how to be a better communicator.
(2) My husband and I attended a weekend relationship workshop that (and I do not exaggerate) saved our marriage.

Some of the groundrules of the workshop were that you can never lash out in anger or criticize.  If you have a gripe, you have to ask your significant other to clear time for you (within 24 hours), and then there is a very specific kind of dialogue that is allowed.  It gets past the anger into the hurt beneath and brings out the empathy of your other rather than defensiveness.  It really works when you stick to it.  And amazingly there turn out to be not that many things worth going through this process for, so most of the time you just get along.  The only time we argue these days is when we forget what we have learned.

The workshop was based on the teachings of Harville Hendrix, and our workshop was conducted by someone named Rick Brown.  His web site is www.rickbrown.org.  He is pretty well known.  Check it out.

But back to your question, my natural state is to be quick to anger and to take things personally.  It has taken a lot of work to get past that.  And sometimes I regress, especially when something seems unfair or unjust.

thanks for that susiebk.  that was usefull......and i'm glad you decided to post.

[Katie77]

I worked in customer service as a loans officer for a credit union for 10 years and we did several courses on how to handle customers.

One of the main things we learned was to stay calm and supportive if a customer was angry.
At times it was very difficult, but once the other person realized that it was a one sided yelling match, they soon settled down, and became reasonable, sometimes even feeling a bit foolish for their outburst.

In my normal life, I find that I am more angry and outspoken if I am defending members of my family or my friends, more than if I am defending myself. Sometimes I just show a subtle type of anger....a look, or a few heavy words then walk away.I think I use the "make THEM feel guilty" approach.

Of course there are times where I can swear worse than a sailor, and reach decibles that would crack a window, but as I've got older, these are fewer and far between now.

[forsythia12]

I worked in customer service as a loans officer for a credit union for 10 years and we did several courses on how to handle customers.

One of the main things we learned was to stay calm and supportive if a customer was angry.
At times it was very difficult, but once the other person realized that it was a one sided yelling match, they soon settled down, and became reasonable, sometimes even feeling a bit foolish for their outburst.

In my normal life, I find that I am more angry and outspoken if I am defending members of my family or my friends, more than if I am defending myself. Sometimes I just show a subtle type of anger....a look, or a few heavy words then walk away.I think I use the "make THEM feel guilty" approach.

Of course there are times where I can swear worse than a sailor, and reach decibles that would crack a window, but as I've got older, these are fewer and far between now.

yeah, i can relate to a lot of what you say. i can definately be quick to anger, but a lot of the time i'm kicking myself for not saying something at the time of the incident.  i don't mean blowing my stack over everything, but i tend to swallow what i'm feeling, and walk away, or stay silent. 

[CellarDweller]

Normally, I'm very patient, but if pushed or treated rudely by someone, I can get very nasty.

I once said something very mean to an old woman who cut me in line at the grocery store.

[mvansand76]

Hey Forsythia,
can we move this thread to Bettermost People forum?

Mel
(mod of Bettermost People)

[forsythia12]

Hey Forsythia,
can we move this thread to Bettermost People forum?

Mel
(mod of Bettermost People)

sure enough friend!

[souxi]

Remember when jack tore right into L.D. newsome?
Remember when cassie gave ennis a piece of her mind?
Or alma confronting ennis about his 'fishing trips'?

are you one for telling people off when you've had enough?
are you confrontational or does it take a long time to reach your limit before you explode?
do you let things just pass, or are you one of the first people to say something?

got any good stories of a time when you told someone 'where to go'?

Right I,ve been asked to reply so I will lol.
I told some rude cow where to go on the phone once. She rang up and wanted to speak to my husband about a "private and confidential matter". So I asked her who she was and what it was about and she repeated herself. I informed her that as I was his wife she could tell me, she still wouldn,t so I told her to get stuffed and put the phone down.
Many many years ago, I discovered my boyfriend was cheating on me. I actually met the cow in a club we went too. She came storming up to me and started a big row, so I stood up and slapped her right round the face, so hard I sent her flying over a table. She didnt, come near me again lol.
Now having said all THAT, you probably won,t beleive me when I say I,m actually very easy going lol, but I honestly am, it,s just that if something or someone riles me, I loose my temper big time. I can,t help it. In my house I,m the one who wears the pointy hat. (witch). 
And I,m sorry to say, and I,m sure you,ve all noticed lol, if someone upsets me on Bm, (no names or specific threads mentioned lol) I simply HAVE to tell them what I think. Yes I know it,ll get deleted and I,ll get yet another smack on the wrist and sent to the bad girl corner, but I,m a big girl I can take it lol. 
If ever a fuss needs to be made about something, for example a complaint about something, it,s always big mouth, (ME) who has to do it. I write endless letters of complain,t I send LONG rambling emails of complaint, only if I have a genuine reason to complain I might add. I don,t do this sort of thing ALL the time lol.
I shout and swear at other drivers. Well it REALLY winds me up BIG time when the stooopid morons don,t indicate. I mean I,m NOT clairyvoyant you know. Indicators are there for a reason, to tell other road users what direction your going on. My God I do shout at people in my car lol.
All my sons mates are terrified of me, they think I,m "well scary" lol. I,ve been told I have a glare that could kill you. 
Re the grocery store Cellar, I,m the same. I can,t STAND useless parents who let their brat kids run around the store, bash into your trolley and then have the damn cheek to blame you!! ffs if they controlled their little brats properly it wouldn,t happen would it. grrrrrrr. 
Errrrm I think that,s all for now. I,ll post some more when I think of something lol. 

[CellarDweller]

Re the grocery store Cellar, I,m the same. I can,t STAND useless parents who let their brat kids run around the store, bash into your trolley and then have the damn cheek to blame you!! ffs if they controlled their little brats properly it wouldn,t happen would it. grrrrrrr. 

lmao!


Well, my issue at the grocery store wasn't with a woman and her child.  It was with an older woman, and I'll tell the story, but you can't hold it against me.


It was a rather mean comment to make.



Well, I was on line for the customer service desk.  I was looking for a particular item, and needed to know where it was.  So this little old woman starts to walk to me....and she's got this crabby look on her face.  She walks over, and proceeds to step in front of me (and the people behind me).

Now, I am not one of those people who treasures their space in line.  If she was in a hurry, or was not feeling well, or whatever, I would have gladly let her step in front of me, if she had the manners to ask.  She didn't even address me, she just stepped in front of me.

So I looked at her, and said "Excuse me, but the end of the line is back there." and pointed to the other end of the line. 

She turned to me (still looking crabby) and said, "I can do whatever I want, I'm old.  I'm going before you."

 

I thought to myself "Oh honey, you picked the wrong person to fuck with." and I promptly stepped in front of her, turned to her, and said, "The only thing you are going to do before me, is die."

I can't quite describe the look on her face.......