Author Topic: Is it better to have loved and lost?  (Read 14748 times)

Offline Front-Ranger

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Re: Is it better to have loved and lost?
« Reply #20 on: October 16, 2008, 10:01:36 am »
I still wonder about this question, often in the middle of the night. For how many of us is the pillow wet, never the sheets?
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Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: Is it better to have loved and lost?
« Reply #21 on: October 16, 2008, 01:42:10 pm »



       Kerry, just in case you havent heard it lately.  You are a wonderful person.  I truly
admire you.  To be able to take that disappointment in your life, without bitterness, and
to share that kind of lovely story with all of us, shows what kind of truly dear and
kind person you are.  Your George is so very lucky to have you in his life.  As are we who
only know you by your presence here...janice



     Beautiful mind

Offline Kerry

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Re: Is it better to have loved and lost?
« Reply #22 on: October 16, 2008, 08:28:41 pm »

Thank you for your sweet, kind words, Janice.

 :-* {{{ Janice }}}  :-*
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Offline Ellemeno

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Re: Is it better to have loved and lost?
« Reply #23 on: October 17, 2008, 02:39:19 am »
I voted 'other' because there were no choices that included stable longevity! 

I've, luckily, had most of the varieties listed in the poll.  But now I'm monogamous (14 effin years!), raising a child together (which changes everything, especially commitment), and want it to be a smooth, well-running partnership (which it very occasionally is).  We're at a time now where a lot of our conversation is about the logistics of who will pick up the kid when, who will take out the garbage, etc.  It's not very romantic at all very often.  But it's what I need to get through the job of the day.  He's dependable (though chronically somewhat late), committed, a good provider, and a loving father.  I look forward to it getting easier as Mini-Meno gets older, and then it can get more fun again with my husb.

Offline underdown

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Re: Is it better to have loved and lost?
« Reply #24 on: October 17, 2008, 04:47:04 am »
I voted for ‘a friendship based love’, but also ‘want it all’, because that’s a normal wish.
So too, I think, did Ennis and Jack, but they were both blessed with their special friendship, and cursed with not being able to be together.
 
The old adage ‘Take it slowly; friends first’, I used to think was just easy advice by people who had a steady relationship, and I would argue ‘how can you like someone slowly?’ It’s true, though, as others have pointed out, that friendship is the most important ingredient in the cake. True, too, that we want everything, including the icing. Friendship is a good base but, on its own, won’t fully satisfy.

One can easily find icing on a street corner to share a bed with, but there is no love to lose.
Friendship we can find at any gathering of people with similar interests, and we can love friends, but that’s quite different to the kind of love we share with one special person.

Put it all together, and that’s being ‘in love’. Whether for a year and a lot of wet pillows, or for a lifetime, either way it is never lost.

That story of Kerry’s is so moving, and bitter/sweet. So related to the story of Ennis and Jack.

I think even in the sadness of not being able to be together, being able to share a special friendship with someone must be really wonderful.
 :)

Offline Front-Ranger

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Re: Is it better to have loved and lost?
« Reply #25 on: October 18, 2008, 12:54:22 am »
I voted 'other' because there were no choices that included stable longevity! 

I've, luckily, had most of the varieties listed in the poll.  But now I'm monogamous (14 effin years!), raising a child together (which changes everything, especially commitment), and want it to be a smooth, well-running partnership (which it very occasionally is).  We're at a time now where a lot of our conversation is about the logistics of who will pick up the kid when, who will take out the garbage, etc.  It's not very romantic at all very often.  But it's what I need to get through the job of the day.  He's dependable (though chronically somewhat late), committed, a good provider, and a loving father.  I look forward to it getting easier as Mini-Meno gets older, and then it can get more fun again with my husb.

To me, that sounds like a friendship based love. I'm curious why not many people have selected that, choosing "other" instead. More thoughts, please!
"chewing gum and duct tape"

injest

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Re: Is it better to have loved and lost?
« Reply #26 on: October 18, 2008, 11:32:07 pm »
To me, that sounds like a friendship based love. I'm curious why not many people have selected that, choosing "other" instead. More thoughts, please!

friendship love seems too platonic for what I would think of as a love relationship..the term doesnt' match up well.

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Re: Is it better to have loved and lost?
« Reply #27 on: October 19, 2008, 02:06:54 am »
friendship love seems too platonic for what I would think of as a love relationship..the term doesnt' match up well.

you might be right, but on the other hand, it depends on how a person defines friendship. IMO, friendship is more precious than any other relationship. Because often what we call love depends on pheromones, and who is deemed a suitable mate. Friendship is based on something more subtle and more enduring.

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injest

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Re: Is it better to have loved and lost?
« Reply #28 on: October 19, 2008, 01:25:43 pm »
I couldn't agree more, but I also believe there is a sexual component to even a friendship.  Nonetheless, I wouldn't want to be in love with someone I would not want as friend first.  It would be so pointless in the end.

well that opens an interesting question..

because I can truthfully say that I have NO sexual interest in my female friends...the thought never crossed my mind...but maybe it is different with gay men since your friends tend to be people of the same sex, which as a gay man you would be attracted to....and you have been exposed to women as possible sex partners since childhood...

injest

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Re: Is it better to have loved and lost?
« Reply #29 on: October 19, 2008, 02:19:09 pm »
that just seems strange to me. I can see having a sexual relationship with someone you don't love...I can see loving someone and not liking them..but I can't see having a sexual relationship with someone I dont' like.