Hello all,
I followed a link to Bettermost from marakeshsparrow's livejournal. Thank you for inviting me and your interest. I admit, this is almost unbearable (not the group!) but what is going on. Bear with me please, I don't write well and it's taking me a long time to write this out. I'm basically a loner, do my work, come home, have a couple of friends but more like acquantances to be honest. I have a good friend at work and she talked me into seeing Brokeback Mountain with her and from that point on my life has been in turmoil, I never had emotions so strong before even when I was married! Because of my passionless marriage I got divorced, no kids though, my ex an I remain friends. I got into the movie as an almost obsession and got a copy of the short story and I often cry after reading it. I don't know how many times I read it but I can identify with Jack and Ennis on so many levels, I feel like I'm both of them rolled into one! I knew I was different all my life but couldn't cope with not doing what other folks wanted me to do like getting married. I married Louann who I thought I loved but I didn't know at the time I really couldn't love her the way I needed to, and with a lot of soul searching, I explained to her my attraction to guys and that in all fairness to her and me I couldn't stay with her. I tried going to various gay bars and can't identify with the guys there. I don't act like them and hate the promiscuity they have. I'm discovering online meetup places but haven't found the right guy there yet but will keep on trying. My friend at work showed me Lead Me to Your Door, and all my feelings are coming to a head again, this is really unreal! I'm dying for more, and I promise you good folks to keep you posted as to what goes on with me. 'night now, Jim Twist.
