Kids Say Some of the Funniest Things

[David In Indy]

My niece (who was also known for saying some funny things when she was a tot) sent this to me and I thought I would share it with all of you.

If you know of some funny things kids have said, please post them in here!



JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Gr anny replied she
was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't
remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to
six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much
that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's
me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't
give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his
dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with
this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible  story. His dad read: 'The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What
happened to the flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then
asked, 'Why doesn't her skin fit her face?'

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday
sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward
heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are
but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient
daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in
her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

[Katie77]

6 reasons not to mess with children.

(1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah.'

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him.'

(2)
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
 
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

(3)
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

(4)
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor'.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

(5)
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

(6)
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE. God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

 

 


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[serious crayons]

OK, here's one I actually heard my own son say with my own ears. On Dec. 31, 1999, I hosted a small gathering of relatives. (Ooh how's that for partying like it's 1999!). Anyway, toward the end of the evening, my uncle asked my son, then not quite 4, what he was going to do to celebrate the new millennium.

"I'm gonna eat a cracker with cheese!" he said, beaming.

Oh, how cute! There's one for the "darnedest things" books, hunh? That is, until my son added:

"But first, I'm gonna set myself on fire and die!"

My family can be scary.


 


 

[serious crayons]

Can you stand one more? My other son, when he was about 2, was having trouble opening one of those little bars of soap in a hotel room. So he exclaims, in his high-pitched cute little 2-year-old voice,

"Oh, MAMMIT!"

Um, where'd he hear that word? Oops. 

[Katie77]

Brave Cursing

A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cursing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ass."

"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?

"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ASS it won't be Cheerios!"