This is something that Amy and I disagree on and we've had some sort of funny arguments about the "politics" of the butch-femme thing. She's a really strong feminist and understands all the implications of the butch-femme thing that could be considered problematic. But, still... outside of the academics of it... it's something that works for her and makes her feel happy and comfortable in her relationship. Again, it's not something that I would choose for myself... and certainly lots of lesbians reject the butch-femme thing. But, the reality is that there are some in lesbian culture who embrace it.
Amanda, would you mind elaborating a bit on the butch-femme thing? I mean, my folks was Methodist.
I get the concept in a general way, but aside from pointing toward wedding apparel choices, how does it play out in daily life? What are the politics, and how is it potentially problematic for feminists?
So, the interesting thing about lesbian and gay weddings is the amount of flexibility and creativity that seems really possible since conventions about this type of wedding certainly aren't set in stone yet... the traditions of gay weddings really still seem to be in the formulation phase culturally speaking.
The amount of individuality possible from ceremony to ceremony seems like a good thing to me.
Hey, maybe instead of destroying the institution of marriage, gay marriage could open up the possibilities for more creative wedding celebrations for couples of all kinds!
When we planned our ceremony we wanted to avoid being imitative of straight weddings. It felt false to us.
Me too, even though mine WAS a straight wedding. It was nontraditional in many ways, because the traditions felt kind of phony. For one thing, the ceremony was conducted by my former roommate, Tom, who had just been ordained a Unitarian minister. So that was really nice! We each only had one "of honor" person, and we let them wear their own clothes. I wore a cream-colored lace dress but not a "wedding dress," and on the way to the party afterward I slipped on a jean jacket.
And Mike's brother and a friend, both musicians, provided nice gentle guitar versions of songs we loved. So the pre-ceremony music was by the Replacements:
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MZKbYjkK64&feature=related[/youtube]
and the actual wedding processional was by the Suburbs:
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbWMTOf31GQ[/youtube]
And the reception was so great I've had people tell me it was their most fun one ever, including their own!