In the New Yorker...

[Front-Ranger]

Sounds almost like a good topic for an S&M!

Today I was idly wondering how on earth the comedians make the grim news of today funny. I challenged myself to picvk a current event and try to come up with a scenario for it. (I'd love to hear about it if you challenge yourself.) So, the event I chose was t he meeting of the two presidents of the U.S. and Ukraine. In the comments, I'll tell you the funny story!

[serious crayons]

Sounds almost like a good topic for an S&M!

Today I was idly wondering how on earth the comedians make the grim news of today funny. I challenged myself to picvk a current event and try to come up with a scenario for it. (I'd love to hear about it if you challenge yourself.) So, the event I chose was t he meeting of the two presidents of the U.S. and Ukraine. In the comments, I'll tell you the funny story!

Wait, aren't these the comments?

The masters at making genuine humor from grim news are the writers of The Onion. Their 9/11 issue is classic and they repeat the same grimly funny headline every time there's another mass shooting: "No Way to Stop This, Says Only Nation in Which This Regularly Happens."

[Front-Ranger]

haha, yes, I should have said, "in future comments." So, here's how I thought we could make this a funny story. We could talk about what the journalists did on the train going to Kiev. Remember, their phones were taken away from them and for this generation, that means they would go bonkers, especially not being able to stare at their screens while traveling. They would actually have to look at each other! There would be brutal fights over reading material. When looking out windows, they would begin to hallucinate like in an episode of Twilight Zone. They would invent phone alternatives, such as using semaphore flags and sending signals from the train's smokestack.

The WaPo and NYT reporters would be put in a ring and the others would bet on who emerged victorious. They would pull out the seats and use the hardware to construct instruments to perform, using the train noises as percussion. They would... you get the idea! What other funny things would they resort to? And would they even make it to Kiev in one piece?

[serious crayons]

That definitely has possibilities!

[serious crayons]

I'm not sure what thread we discussed it in, but I just had another instance of that syndrome where you unconsciously type a word that onlt sounds like the one you meant. The worst is when it's a your/you're or a their/they're/there thing because people assume you don't know better. But it's weirder when it's like the one I just did, where you spell it properly but it's a whole different word. I meant to write "the organization couldn't stay closed" but I typed "couldn't stay clothes."

Of course, maybe it happened partly because I don't pronounce the "th" in clothes. Does anyone?

[Jeff Wrangler]

Of course, maybe it happened partly because I don't pronounce the "th" in clothes. Does anyone?

(Raises hand) I do.

[serious crayons]

(Raises hand) I do.

Every time you say it, even in a casual manner? If you said, "I wish I'd worn different clothes" there'd be an audible "th"?

[Jeff Wrangler]

Every time you say it, even in a casual manner? If you said, "I wish I'd worn different clothes" there'd be an audible "th"?

Yes. I can't imagine pronouncing it "close."

As for audibility, I suppose you might have to be standing "close" (  ) to me, but the "th" is there.

I make it a point to say Feb-RU-ary, too, instead of Feb-YOU-ary.

[serious crayons]

Yes. I can't imagine pronouncing it "close."

As for audibility, I suppose you might have to be standing "close" (  ) to me, but the "th" is there.

I make it a point to say Feb-RU-ary, too, instead of Feb-YOU-ary.

I say Feb-RU-ary and nuCLEar and things like that.

But I also say close, kinda, musta, gonna and even occasionally ima (which rappers just spell "ima"). I figure, that's American vernacular.

Do you say "kind of" and "going to"?

Maybe I've inherited my tendencies from my British ancestors, who pronounce words like Worcester as Wustr. Maybe German pronunciation is more exacting.

[Jeff Wrangler]

I say Feb-RU-ary and nuCLEar and things like that.

Doncha just hate it when people say "nook-you-lar"? 

But I also say close, kinda, musta, gonna and even occasionally ima (which rappers just spell "ima"). I figure, that's American vernacular.

Do you say "kind of" and "going to"?

I would never say "ima" (you mean using it as in "ima gonna go"?). Beyond that, I'd say it depends on the situation. When I speak, "kind of" frequently comes out as something like "kindev." (I'm not sure how to spell that to get the sound across.) And then again it sometimes does come out sounding like "kinda." Similarly, "must have" comes out like a contraction: "must'ev." "Going to" does come out like "gonna," or more likely "gunna," with a "u" sound.

Of course, when I want my writing to "sound" like vernacular speech, I use "kinda."

Incidentally, I once worked with a woman from Pittsburgh. Some of her usages just sounded like what I hear in the central part of the state--but then the southwestern corner of the state received lots of settlers from the middle part of the state, so I suppose some speech patterns persisted.

Maybe I've inherited my tendencies from my British ancestors, who pronounce words like Worcester as Wustr. Maybe German pronunciation is more exacting.

Unless, of course, you're from New England. Then it's Wustah. Ain't that right, Paul?

At least the British say "LAN-cast-er," with the emphasis on the first syllable. I frequently hear the name of my home town pronounced "Lan-CAST-er" by people who don't live there.