Author Topic: Ennis' reaction to Jack's death.  (Read 8248 times)

Offline ednbarby

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Re: Ennis' reaction to Jack's death.
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2006, 08:49:53 pm »
I agree with all that's been said here.  I just want to add that when my Mom - by far the best and truest friend I ever had - died suddenly and I got the news from my (at the time) semi-estranged brother, I didn't react with any emotion, either.  A close friend was over - I remember we were going to go see "The Prince of Tides" that night when the phone rang and changed everything - never could get through that movie ever since - and she would bear witness to that fact.  She still talks about it from time to time since as yet, thankfully, she has never lost anyone she loved deeply.  How my face just went kind of blank for a moment and then I just went on, although as if I were in kind of a trance, for the next 24 hours.  She stayed with me overnight as my at that time new husband was out of town, and she still talks about how she finds it amazing that I never once shed a tear, and after all those years of telling her so many stories about my mother and how close we were.

What she didn't see was the period of time about two months later when it suddenly all came rushing in, as if out of nowhere, and how everything I came in contact with reminded me of her and made my loss of her nearly unbearable.  I took three days off from work at that time because I could not stop crying.  Looking back, I was just numb those first two months.  It was very much like the depression I would experience much later, but I didn't know that at the time.  I just went through the motions.

When my brother first told me, it was as if I were in a dream.  Of course you know it's real when it's happening, but a part of your brain clicks on (or off?) to protect you - must be an evolutionary, natural selection type thing in my mind - from having a complete and irrevocable nervous breakdown.

Long story short (too late) this is yet another brilliant moment in a film of brilliant moments - brilliant in just how very real and authentic it is.  This is what really happens.  There is no breakdown at the time - just survival instinct kicking in.  That comes later.  Just as Ennis' breakdowns in the alley and at the lake did.
« Last Edit: July 27, 2006, 08:51:27 pm by ednbarby »
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Offline jpwagoneer1964

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Re: Ennis' reaction to Jack's death.
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2006, 09:00:59 pm »

When my brother first told me, it was as if I were in a dream.  Of course you know it's real when it's happening, but a part of your brain clicks on (or off?) to protect you - must be an evolutionary, natural selection type thing in my mind - from having a complete and irrevocable nervous breakdown.

Long story short (too late) this is yet another brilliant moment in a film of brilliant moments - brilliant in just how very real and authentic it is.  This is what really happens.  There is no breakdown at the time - just survival instinct kicking in.  That comes later.  Just as Ennis' breakdowns in the alley and at the lake did.
In the book Ennis does not believe it at first, thinks its a mistake and when he calls, that Jack will answer
Thank you Heath and Jake for showing us Ennis and Jack,  teaching us how much they loved one another.

Offline cricket99999

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Re: Ennis' reaction to Jack's death.
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2006, 09:11:58 pm »
When my brother first told me, it was as if I were in a dream.  Of course you know it's real when it's happening, but a part of your brain clicks on (or off?) to protect you - must be an evolutionary, natural selection type thing in my mind - from having a complete and irrevocable nervous breakdown.
I agree.  When my sister told me of my father's sudden death, I asked a couple questions calmly (Where? She said "At the farm." When? She said "Earlier this afternoon.")  Then she asked me "How did you know?" and I said "I didn't."  Obviously some people, Ennis included, can use this reaction to shield themselves from overwhelming grief, at least for a time.   

Offline dly64

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Re: Ennis' reaction to Jack's death.
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2006, 09:47:55 pm »
Barb and Cricket ...

You are making me cry! It brings back all of those feelings when my dad died. Fortunately, I was with him when he died. But, I hardly slept for two days and I didn't completely lose it until his funeral. Even seeing him die, I kept thinking it was a dream. Needless to say, I have never gotten over it .... but have become less angry. It's only taken me 7 f--king years!
Diane

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Marge_Innavera

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Re: Ennis' reaction to Jack's death.
« Reply #14 on: July 28, 2006, 10:12:26 am »
I agree.  When my sister told me of my father's sudden death, I asked a couple questions calmly (Where? She said "At the farm." When? She said "Earlier this afternoon.")  Then she asked me "How did you know?" and I said "I didn't."  Obviously some people, Ennis included, can use this reaction to shield themselves from overwhelming grief, at least for a time.   

I think that is a kind of survival mechanism, the brain putting really bad news in a kind of holding pattern so it doesn't overwhelm too much. And added to that in BBM is Ennis' stoic nature. But even then, you can hear the catches in his voice in both the telephone scene and at Jack's parents'.

My own father's death wasn't sudden, but I did have a delayed reaction. He'd been ill for a number of years and I was very calm about it until I got to the airport to fly home. Until the last year, he'd always been at that airport to meet me with my Mom, and it suddenly hit me that while I might fly into that airport again, he wouldn't be there.  Going through his things, giving a eulogy at his funeral, none of that phased me but that damn airport made me break down completely.

Offline ednbarby

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Re: Ennis' reaction to Jack's death.
« Reply #15 on: July 28, 2006, 10:33:42 am »
I agree.  When my sister told me of my father's sudden death, I asked a couple questions calmly (Where? She said "At the farm." When? She said "Earlier this afternoon.")  Then she asked me "How did you know?" and I said "I didn't."  Obviously some people, Ennis included, can use this reaction to shield themselves from overwhelming grief, at least for a time.

I can still remember it distinctly, too.

Andy:  Barb.  Are you sitting down?  (Right then, I think I knew.)
Me:  Yeah.
Andy:  It's Mom.  She's dead.
Me:  What happened?  (Very calmly.)
Andy:  They think it was a massive heart attack sometime last night or this morning.  We found her in her apartment about an hour ago.
Me:  OK.
Andy:  Are you gonna be all right?
Me:  Yeah.
Andy:  Is Ed there?
Me:  No, but a friend is.  I'm not alone.
Andy:  OK.  I've gotta call Jay.
Me:  OK.  Thanks.  Bye.

When it hit me was almost two months later when I went to call her phone number out of habit and heard the "out of service" message and then it all came crashing down on me.  Then, like I say, I couldn't stop crying for three full days.
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Offline coffeecat33

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Re: Ennis' reaction to Jack's death.
« Reply #16 on: July 28, 2006, 11:30:48 am »
I tell you what, the first time I saw this scene with the “deceased” stamped across it, I felt stunned disbelief and thought there must be some mistake. (It is what I have felt hearing about other untimely deaths. One time, before my brain had time to think and react, I said very loudly, “Oh my god, you’re kidding!” when someone told me our friend’s husband died.)

And thanks for the connection, I hadn’t thought about picking up mail in the P.O. as a pleasure then getting a mailbox at his home. It still amazes me how many connections there are in this movie! – Thanks for pointing them out everyone.

As for my own experience, I could hardly face it when my granma was in hospice. When my mom called me to tell me she’d passed, she said, “You know why I’m calling.” Even now after so many years I still get a scared empty sad feeling inside. I don’t recall crying at her funeral although most of my family was crying a little, none of us “broke down” sobbing. I don’t think it’s suppressing emotions as just being overwhelmed by the enormity of the loss; we have to deal with in pieces.

IMO Ennis is feeling a great many emotions when he sees the postcard. I speak from experience as I am a female Ennis. It looks like I’m calm but my insides are churning and I can hardly express myself. The grief Ennis is feeling is so overwhelming (as big as the open prairie) that he can hardly take it in. IMO when Ennis is on the phone he is shaking and can barely speak. He does start to choke up at the end and has to hang up. And he gets tears in his eyes at the sight of the shirts and at the Twist’s house. And of course the “Jack, I swear…”

Gosh someone get a box of tissues!

Offline bbm_stitchbuffyfan

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Re: Ennis' reaction to Jack's death.
« Reply #17 on: July 28, 2006, 12:56:27 pm »
Quote
In the book Ennis does not believe it at first, thinks its a mistake and when he calls, that Jack will answer

This is sooo sad (as are all of your guys' stories).
If you'd just realize what I just realized then we'd be perfect for each other and we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now
We missed out on each other now


R.I.P. Heath Ledger

Offline jpwagoneer1964

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Re: Ennis' reaction to Jack's death.
« Reply #18 on: August 20, 2006, 11:05:42 am »


Because the Lightning Flat kitchen is dim, it’s difficult to tell for sure--I think the shirt Ennis is wearing is different from the one during the “Deceased” scene. I used to think he drove there right away, but now I don’t. I wonder what the day(s) in between would have been like. Probably just more classic Ennis, freezing his feelings to get by.

 
It is the same outer jacket, but I don't thingk the same shirt.
Thank you Heath and Jake for showing us Ennis and Jack,  teaching us how much they loved one another.

Offline dly64

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Re: Ennis' reaction to Jack's death.
« Reply #19 on: August 20, 2006, 11:11:17 am »
When I was 21, I had the task of calling people to tell them about my father-in-law’s death. Most of his friends had known him for at least 40 years, but did not know he’d been fighting cancer for only a few months. Some were matter-of-fact (“Where’s the funeral? Should I bring something to eat?”). Some repeatedly said, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” One screamed and dropped the phone.

Barbara - you are so right. You have just illustrated how everyone responds to tragedy in a very personal and different way. It is interesting that we see Ennis on two occasions completely losing it (right after Ennis and Jack separate and during the lake scene). But, it is Jack’s death where we are left guessing. The timing is very purposeful. We don’t see Ennis immediately after he sees the postcard and we don’t see him after he hangs up the phone. Because Ennis and Jack had a very intimate and loving relationship, I can only surmise that Ennis’ reaction to Jack’s death was treated in a similar fashion. What I mean is that Ennis needed to be alone to grieve Jack’s death in a way that we cannot be a part of. (Hope that makes sense).
Diane

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