6 months on.......Where are you now?

[coffeecat33]

I'm feeling a bit melancholy reading this thread because I realize my Brokeback Fever has subsided.  I can't say for certain when exactly that happened, but like mourning any loss (and I think my version of the Fever was a mourning period I went through - mourning the loss of Jack (because he really was real, wasn't he?) and feeling Ennis' heartbreak and regret as if he was a real friend of mine (because he really is, isn't he?)), one day you wake up and it occurs to you that though you still miss that person who is gone, it doesn't exactly hurt anymore.  I'm feeling melancholy I guess because I got used to feeling that hurt - it became a part of me - and now that hurt is gone and I sort of miss it.

I still have BB Fever. It isn't as acute as it was, but it hasn't subsided yet either. I just received an autographed photo of Jake as Jack. I may order another. I am still reading fan fiction. I think the movie really sparked my imagination. Work's been difficult for me for a while and sometimes I can disappear in to BBM and it helps me get through the day. A coworker has discovered that if Jake Gyllenhaal's name is mentioned I light up like a carnival ride. When I was having a tough day and in a bad mood, she and I went for a walk at lunchtime and she let me talk about Jake the whole time! I was in a much better mood when we got back, let me tell you.

Besides awakening my imagination, my sexuality has been awakened. It had been in a coma for quite a while. Sorta like Snow White after she bit into the apple. No prince or princess has shown up yet, but I feel a little more comfortable with my self and my feelings.

I was in a lesbian relationship early in my adult life at a time when people weren't out. It was difficult keeping a secret and not have the support of society the way straight couples do. If someone who is heterosexual doesn't understand what it's like to be gay, I suggest they imagine what it would be like if they had to describe their husband or wife as a friend, partner, or roommate. No wedding because it's not legal. Would your great Aunt Martha come to a wedding shower for two people of the same gender? What about public affection? You'd have to stop yourself from putting your arm around a lover and kissing him/her. It's much much better than it was 30 years ago but society still has a ways to go before it's more accepting. I think all of us here at Bettermost have been changed and an individual can make a difference to the whole.

coffeecat33 (Leslie)

[Samrim]

Hello endbarby and all,

I too feel a bit unhappy because the intensity of emotion which I felt six months ago has eased. It's unrealistic to think one could live for long on such an emotional high.
I love the film as much as ever, I love our boys as much as ever, but life goes on.
As a measure of how ole Brokeback has still got me though, I was reading film reviews in the Times (UK) tonight up in the pub. It was all about the Venice film festival, and Scarlett whatshername in this 1940's whodunit. I took a malicious pleasure in the fact that it only rated 3 stars. Our boys, a year ago, got the maximum 5. Magic!
Bank Holiday Monday (last Monday) as a treat I anticipated all day watching the film through, together with a bottle of red (first time in two months maybe). Absolutely savoured the first hour (headphones-world shut out), then PHONE RUNG. A neighbour wanted t come up and use my PC. I was grimly accepting. Maybe that's how ole Brokeback has affected me; I did answer the phone!
Best Wishes all. 

[moremojo]

My heart is more open. I strive to be a less judgmental person, while somehow retaining my capacity to be discerning. I want to be a less fearful person, more capable of spontaneity and of taking risks. I am more keenly aware of the brevity of life, yet by that very awareness more responsive to how precious and beautiful life is. I want to be a better friend, to my family,  to my fellow beings, to my world and to myself. Like others here have stated, the intensity of my obsession over our boys and their story has lessened, but not my love for them, and I wish to dedicate the remainder of my life to them, to everything they represent. This film has been a miracle in my life...that may sound crazy, but I'm not ashamed to say it.

So, six months on, I am as conscious as ever of continuing on a journey towards wholeness, truth, and feeling. As I wrote to a friend earlier today, regarding all of my BetterMost community, including her: I love you all...I love you...I love.

Scott

[horo35]

Funny thing with me was I first saw the movie in a theatre..liked it very much and then couldn't wait for the DVD to come out.  I found this site and began to talk about the movie alot in anticipation of the release.  When it came out I watched it then maybe about a week later I just didn't care anymore about  BBM.  Not sure why...other things going on in my life I guess.  Then about a month ago I found that movie sitting in a box and watched it.  Then I started visiting all the movie sites and that really sparked my interest again.  I guess maybe I needed a break from it...just got burnt out, bored of it.  Now of course I still do like the movie, read the book from time to time and listen to the soundtrack. 
  And of course I too have an understanding of gay people.  Perhaps the movie has helped...Im not sure.  In a way I hope it has helped because I certainly looked at gay people in a neagtive way before I saw BBM.  Nowadays I dont mind what they do...if they want to get married, fine let them...if they want to love each other...let them.  I dont mind gay people telling me about their ways/lifestyle (for example through movies) but if they want to share it with me then thats a problem.

[moremojo]

I dont mind gay people telling me about their ways/lifestyle (for example through movies) but if they want to share it with me then thats a problem.

In my experience and observation, horo, gay men tend to be very respectful of the personal space and boundaries of the straight men they encounter. They kind of have to be--some men and women have paid with their lives for being gay or lesbian, or even being perceived as gay or lesbian. But no one likes to be seen as a pest or embarrassment, and few gay men will go barking up the wrong tree when they know, or learn, that it is the wrong tree.

At the same time, I hope that, if a gay acquaintance or friend of yours ever comments on any attractive quality of yours, that you can take it as the compliment it is meant to be rather than as a threat or enticement.

Peace,
Scott

[ednbarby]

Hear, hear, Scott.  I think we should always be happy when anyone finds us attractive and says so (barring forcing themselves physically or psychically upon us, of course), whether they're a member of our same gender or not, straight, gay, animal, vegetable, whatever.  Straight women certainly don't have a problem with other women saying things like "I think you're so pretty" or "I love your hair" or "You look great - have you been working out?"  And for what it's worth, I've been to a few gay/lesbian bars with my boyfriend or husband and had another woman ask me to dance and have just said, "I'm sorry - I'm here with him" or some such thing, to which they've said, "Oh, no problem," or some such thing.  I've never known or heard of a lesbian or gay man forcing themselves sexually on a straight woman or man - I honestly don't think it ever happens.  And I think that if one is secure in his own sexuality, one need not feel threatened in any way by the fact that a gay man finds him attractive enough to ask him out.  My husband's been asked out a few times on his flights by male flight attendants, and it isn't "a problem" for him.  He's just flattered.  That's as it should be.

[horo35]

I think you people have misunderstood me on what the word "problem" is all about.  If a gay man said a compliment towards me, fine. I would simply say I'm flattered but no thanks, I like women.  Maybe before I would've said something negative towards him.  But now I have a better respect and understanding.  As a matter of fact I knew a gay man at work and he knew I was straight and he respected that.  I thought he was a nice guy and we were good aquintances.  But it's a problem if they make a sexual advance towards me....and yes it does happen to people.  A friend of mine knew of a couple who lived next door to him for some time. Him and the husband got along well.  My friend is straight and he of course figured that the husband was also straight.  Then one night they were drinking and this guy tried to make out with my buddy.  That was very shocking and insulting to him.  In no way has my friend ever hinted that he was gay, bi or whatever to bring this on.  There was a trust bulit up and that was betrayed by this guy.  And now as a result of that they don't talk to each other.  If that happened to me...that would be a problem met with a "negative" action!

[iluvchocolate]

I agree ednbarby, I don't think that a gay man can change him slef and marry a straight woman.  I knew this one couple the guy changed his life around married a straight woman.  one day the woman confided in me that her husband didn't like sex with her.  that they came to a "once a month agreement"  He changed his life for god he said that god didn't care for him being gay so thats why he married a striaght woman.  Thats just a quick run down of the story... if interested Ill tell more later... I have to get to school now.

[Katie77]

I must admit when I read the post from Horo with the line.....

  I dont mind gay people telling me about their ways/lifestyle (for example through movies) but if they want to share it with me then thats a problem.

.......it bothered me too.....From my experiences and knowledge of many men and a few women who are gay, there doesnt seem to be a "problem" with them trying to seduce straight guys and gals....Of course, there are probably some occassions when it has happened, but I dont think it is a big problem.......I think it was just a bad choice of word by Horo and others like me, zeroed in on it....

Lets not forget the rest of Horo's post,

 
  And of course I too have an understanding of gay people.  Perhaps the movie has helped...Im not sure.  In a way I hope it has helped because I certainly looked at gay people in a neagtive way before I saw BBM.  Nowadays I dont mind what they do...if they want to get married, fine let them...if they want to love each other...let them.  I dont mind gay people telling me about their ways/lifestyle (for example through movies) but if they want to share it with me then thats a problem.

Statements like this from a straight guy, are few and far between....we know that there arent too many straight guys on this board, so when one can stand up and be counted as being able to feel the way he does about the movie, join in with the board members, where the majority are gay men and women, or straight women.....then we should embrace him and show him how great it is that he can stand up and and proclaim his understanding of a lifestyle that he is not a part of....Good on ya, Horo, if more straight men were like you, this world would be a lot nicer place.

So please dont zero in on one little word that Horo has written, its things like that, that make you lose credibility with the straight community that is trying to understand you...I know you are so sick of critisism,  and because of that it has made most of you very defensive, and quick to set the record straight.... but just be careful that you dont take every observation as critisism, because, like the statement Horo made, it was just his personal observation.......It is blokes like Horo, that will stand side by side with you to make this world a better and more accepting community.

[Front-Ranger]

On to another thought...I've been thinking about the line, "What do your grandchildren think about the picture of two men kissing?" First of all, they aren't kissing in the picture. Their heads are close together and they are lying down together but you can't tell that in the picture. And, what's the big deal about two men kissing anyway? This is commonplace in Europe. Better than pictures of two men beating each other up or killing each other, which you can see 24/7 on any channel of TV.