Author Topic: Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL  (Read 12619 times)

Offline CellarDweller

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 38,298
  • A city boy's mentality, with a cowboy's soul.
Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL
« on: March 02, 2010, 10:57:11 pm »
Not really a "poll" but I think this fits here.

What is the stupidest thing someone has said to you, or the stupidest thing someone has asked you?


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!

Offline CellarDweller

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 38,298
  • A city boy's mentality, with a cowboy's soul.
Re: Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2010, 10:59:10 pm »
I thought of this topic, because this happened to me today.

I was at lunch with a coworker, who told me she read that ginger is good for relieving bloating and upset stomachs.  So I told her that's why when my stomach is upset, I drink ginger ale.

she replied with "Oh, is that what they make ginger ale from?"

 ::)


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!

Offline Lynne

  • BetterMost Supporter
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 9,291
  • "The world's always ending." --Ianto Jones
    • Elizabeth Warren for Massachusetts
Re: Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2010, 11:22:04 pm »
Oy!

I have a zillion, but I'm highly critical.    :P

After Dad had his heart bypass surgery, I collected healthy recipes, did some cooking, and did some shopping, including Morningstar Farms bacon and sausage in an attempt to get Dad's wife Linda (and him) to be more conscientious about heart health, hypertension, etc...

When we were looking at the faux bacon, I pointed out how much lower it is in sodium than regular bacon and told her I'd become used to it fairly quickly, especially for sandwiches.

Linda asks, 'Why do you salt your bacon?'

 ::) ::) ::)
"Laß sein. Laß sein."

Offline CellarDweller

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 38,298
  • A city boy's mentality, with a cowboy's soul.
Re: Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2010, 07:25:19 am »
 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!

Offline Kerry

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,076
  • ^ In pursuit of Captain Moonlite - 5 Sept 2009
    • Google Profile
Re: Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL
« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2010, 07:43:22 am »
Many years ago . . . .

I was having dinner with some gay friends at a city night-spot one evening, when we were joined by a gay-friendly female friend. Renowned for never being on time. Widely known for her grand entrances. She was impeccably presented as usual. The height of fashion. She always looked fabulous.  She was wearing an oversized pair of Jackie O-esque sunglasses, even though the sun had set some six hours earlier. One of my companions, who fancied himself as a bit of a wit and a raconteur, greeted her enthusiastically with air kisses, exclaiming "Incognito, my dear?" (referring to the sunglasses). To which she vacuously responded, "No, Ray Ban." Alas, she was not joking. Wondered why we were laughing.
γνῶθι σεαυτόν

Offline louisev

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 16,107
  • "My guns and amo!! Over my cold dead hands!!"
    • Fiction by Louise Van Hine
Re: Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL
« Reply #5 on: March 03, 2010, 09:36:49 am »
the one that occurs to me most immediately is recently a tourist was wandering around Rosslyn Station, and buttonholed me at the corner of Wilson and North Lynn (the street signs are massive here), and asked me, while standing under the sign, "Where is North Lynn Avenue?"
“Mr. Coyote always gets me good, boy,”  Ellery said, winking.  “Almost forgot what life was like before I got me my own personal coyote.”


Offline serious crayons

  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 22,711
Re: Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL
« Reply #6 on: March 03, 2010, 10:02:28 am »
Sometimes otherwise educated and intelligent people reveal shocking little pockets of ignorance. This one might lose a little in translation for non-Americans, but here goes:

I grew up in Minnesota. A high school friend said to me, "It's too bad Minnesota isn't on a Great Lake."

I said, "It is. It's on Lake Superior. You know -- where Duluth is?"

She said, "Well, I've never been to Duluth."

(Um, OK, but have you ever looked at a map of your state?)

Here's another: A writer in his late 20s asked me whether Mark Twain had written "Huckleberry Finn," or Huckleberry Finn had written "Mark Twain."




Offline louisev

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 16,107
  • "My guns and amo!! Over my cold dead hands!!"
    • Fiction by Louise Van Hine
Re: Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL
« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2010, 10:11:23 am »
Lost in Translation:

As a gluten-intolerant person, I have gravitated toward Indian cuisine which is based heavily on rice, lentils, nuts and seeds, all of which I can eat.  Recently I was trying to recreate a recipe for Dosa mix (snack pancake) and the ingredients said "ground nuts" - so I asked my colleague " In the ingredients it says 'ground nuts' - what kind of nuts are they?"  And she said "Ground nuts."  And I said " Yes I know, but what KIND of ground nuts?"

"Ground nuts" - ground up OR whole, is the colloquial term in Indian for peanuts.  D'oh!
“Mr. Coyote always gets me good, boy,”  Ellery said, winking.  “Almost forgot what life was like before I got me my own personal coyote.”


Online southendmd

  • Town Administration
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 18,962
  • well, I won't
Re: Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL
« Reply #8 on: March 03, 2010, 10:53:22 am »
Lost in translation, part deux:

When a friend, whose native language is not English, was visiting my family's seaside cottage, was asked how his shower was, knowing the plumbing could be a little wonky, he replied, "Just crane".  

"Hunh," I replied.

"It was fine, just crane."  

Turns out, "Crane" was the manufacturer of the shower regulator, and "Crane" was between "hot" and "cold".  

Offline CellarDweller

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 38,298
  • A city boy's mentality, with a cowboy's soul.
Re: Ok everyone....share a story here. LOL
« Reply #9 on: March 03, 2010, 11:12:35 am »
Well, I have to put one of my own here, because it was just so funny.  Even now I laugh and can't believe how stupid I was.

 :laugh:

When I went to visit Rich and Gene, Rich and I were picking on each other, as usual.  I was calling him "country mouse", he called me "city mouse" and so on.

Anyway, the three of us were driving somewhere and there were a bunch of cows on a the side of a large hill, eating the grass.....his is the conversation that took place:

Rich:  Yo, little bro....see those cows over there?

Me:  yeah.

Rich:  Those are mountain cows.

Me:  Huh?

Rich:  Yeah, they're specially bred with legs on one side shorter than the other, so they can stand on the side of the hill or mountain and eat the grass.

Me:  *pause, cock head to the side*  Ummmm....ok, but when they turn around, don't they fall over?


 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:


As it was coming out of my mouth, I was saying "STOP" inside my head, but not loud enough apparently.

The three of us burst out into laughter, Gene turned around to say:

"Chuck, I could see the gears turning in your head for that."


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!