The Reason This Place Might Not For Me

[Sheyne]

Uhh... woah.  What did I miss?

Sheesh, you go to work for a day and suddenly there's tension!! 

:-S

I hope nobody leaves this place. And I hope misunderstandings get resolved cause it'd be a crying shame to break up this happy home.

Please don't leave Stud. 

[j.U.d.E.]

Bumping for later..

But what's going on?!

~ j U d E

[Chanterais]

Cupcake, anyone?

My personal crackpot theory of the day is that we're growing up a lot as a group. We're going through a sort of adolescent angst right now.  I know that in my own life, I have a tendency to bottle things up very, very tightly: making nice, avoiding conflict, rolling with the punches.  And then sometimes, my suppressed and unspoken frustrations rise up into a spangled festival of crankiness.  And in a lot of ways, it's not so bad.  Sometimes people (and communities) need to come to a certain crisis point before we can clear the air and move on.  I know I've said a few things in the last day that have been bothering me, and now that I've purged it from my system, I harbour no ill-will towards anyone.  (Except maybe Reanna, who is still too beautiful for me to bear.  I'll get you, my pretty!)

I don't think this is spelling the demise of our family.  I think that it's making us stronger, and wiser, and a bit more aware that we might be hurting other people's feelings.  This is all good.  We're growing up.  We'll get through it.  We'll be better for it.

And Studly, if you go, you'll be ripping out my heart and stepping on it repeatedly.  Me so sad.

[sparkle_motion]

Here's my really constructive criticism...
Are we going to have to beg a new person everyday to stay here? If you don't want to be here, go! Causing unnecessary drama is...unnecessary! Seriously, if you were invited here, then you are liked. All this IM LEAVING nonesense is really getting on my nerves and making this a negative place.

[Chanterais]

All this IM LEAVING nonesense is really getting on my nerves and making this a negative place.

With respect, Sparkle, nobody, and I mean nobody has been more relentlessly positive on Chez Tremblay than David.  When the world has seemed at its gloomiest, he's found a way to make it seem light again.  He's having a tough time right now.  I don't think it's nonsense.  I agree it's upsetting, but one of our own is sad.  Let's try and cheer him up.

[Impish]

Sorry to intrude, as I was never on the original Tremblay board.  But in my role as moderater of the Safe Haven board, I would like to toss my concern into the hopper.

I would like the "Hidden" option to remain available for people in the Safe Haven board.  Safe Haven is for GLBT members or those who think they might be.  I assume that Brokeback opened the closet doors of many, and many more will at last admit to themselves they are gay, lesbian, or bi.  These people would be nowhere near ready to come out of the closet... after all, they just went in the closet after seeing BBM!

It's my hope that such people will find their way to the Bettermost site (all of it, including Chez Tremblay).

When he or she sees the title of the Safe Haven board, I would like them to drop by and who knows? Maybe some of them would feel more comfortable with being hidden for a while. 

I realize that the Safe Haven board may attract trolls, and I risk enabling them to lurk.  I realize that I've asked our straight members to stay out of Safe Haven out of respect and understanding for newly-identified gay people, as I would like them to experience "being the majority" for once.  The hidden option allows those who resent my request to come and go as they please, and I'm willing to risk that too.

I'm willing to risk it because there may be one single individual out there who would hesitate before entering the Safe Haven board if he or she couldn't remain incognito.

I have not PM'ed Phillip about this, nor will I make a specific request of him.  The Chez Tremblay board and its concerns are equally important to those of the Safe Haven board, and if we look solely at the number of members and the number of posts, CT is more important.

So if the hidden feature goes away, I'll deal with it.  I just wanted to share another point of view with you all.   

[Ellemeno]

Hi Impish, welcome, welcome!  I had not considered that point.  I would rather help a person making an important and needed transition have that opportunity to do it at their pace.

I'm finding that when I look in the upper right hand corner to see who's here, the main thing sparked in me when I see a hidden person is boredom. 

I guess where I am now on the issue is neutral.  (My personal preference for how it affects me hasn't changed, but I'm seeing a bigger picture.)  I let those whom it matters to the most have their say.  Would it be useful to have a poll (NOT a vote, a poll) on the issue?

And here's a last (at least for this post) thought - "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" is a pretty good saying.  Meaning here, the feature is already set one way and hasn't really caused a problem.

I know, I know, this is not my same tune from yesterday.  It's a human's prerogative to change her mind.

[RouxB]

Big internal debate on should I post or should I not.

"Should I" wins.

I have to echo Chanterais-David has been an invaluable asset to this board and to suggest otherwise does a disservice to all of us. He is not a "new person" whining about something he doesn't like about the board-he is a friend and family member who is having some stuggles and is reaching out to us. If people don't have enough heart to recognize and accommodate that then how are we calling ourselves a family?

Everyone needs to step back and take a big stinkin breath and calm down  and remember what your grammie told you "if you can't say anything nice, shut the flock up"

kisses to all
kisses and hugs to David and anyone else feeling alienated.

[sparkle_motion]

By "new", I did not mean David is new. I meant, everyday, a different person is going to be saying he/she wants to leave the board and we will have to reassure them and beg them to stay.
I stand my ground on this, whether I seem insensitive or not. I don't like drama. Period.
I mean, seriously, when it boils down to it, David is threatening to leave because a website function might be taken away. It shows what he thinks of this community and of these people if he's willing to leave over something so ridiculous.

[RouxB]

But being part of the discussion makes us a part of the drama. The only way to stay out of drama is to ignore it.

 I think I've only seem one other "outta here" post-once again from a long-time member of this group. I guess the point I'm trying to make is just cut people some slack-it costs nothing to be compassionate.  If one don't agree with what is being said, and  really wants to stay out of the drama, the option to not respond is a good one-the responses often  convey the same negativity that they are purporting to address.

If, in fact, everyday some new person wants to post an "I'm leaving" message, let em! So what?!  If I (or anyone else) want to post a "please don't" response, what is the issue? That is a loving, positive message. If, on the other hand, I (or anyone else) don't give a poop, where is the positivity in posting that?

I am an argue-er by nature-or nurture. Everyday I have to remember that I don't have to express every dissenting thought that goes through my head. Some things you just gotta let be. That being said, and to extricate myself from THIS drama, I'll shut up now.

Onward and upward and where is my damn DVD??