The "ABCs of BBM": Round 965! (Rules in first post)

[Meryl]

If Randy Quaid were to go to college in the same town he was born in, he would attend the University of Houston.

[Fran]

If Randy Quaid came to believe that the producers of Brokeback Mountain had tricked him into accepting a small role for almost no money, he would file a lawsuit seeking $10 million, plus punitive damages, as well as restitution for ill-gotten gains.

[memento]

If Randy Quaid earned a Golden Globe, he would have received it for portraying Lyndon Johnson.

[southendmd]

If Randy Quaid wanted to start acting, his first role would be Lester Marlow in Larry McMurtry's The Last Picture Show.

[Ellemeno]

If Randy Quaid were to participate in the TV mini-series "Texas Ranch House" (2006), it would be as Narrator.

[Fran]

If Randy Quaid wanted a starring role in an off-Broadway production, he would play Frank in Sam Shepard's The God of Hell.

[memento]

If he appeared in the TV Movie Elvis, Randy Quaid would play the part of "Colonel" Tom Parker, a former carnival barker with a murky past. The New York Times said "Mr. Quaid is riveting as the bully of Graceland."

[southendmd]

If Randy's behavior were to get a little out of control, he would be banned for life from Equity.

Randy Quaid's Antics Lead to Banishment from Union

If the would-be Broadway-bound musical Lone Star Love is half as entertaining as the backstage drama, then sign us up: Randy Quaid, the show’s former star, has been banned from the Actors' Equity union for life because of abusive, lewd and just plain crazy behavior during the show’s Seattle run. Quaid has also been fined $81,572, which equals two weeks pay for the cast of the $6.5 million show; producers claim they had to prematurely close because of Quaid’s hi jinks. The Post’s Michael Riedel got the rap sheet:

Quaid hit an actor on the back of the head four times during performances. When the stage manager told him to stop, he smacked the actor again.
Another actor was warned that if he made direct eye contact with Quaid onstage, he'd be fired.
Quaid made "sexually inappropriate" comments onstage, repeatedly referring to an actress' musical instruments as her "gynecological instruments."
The couple tried to rewrite the script, to eliminate characters.
Randy "felt free" to change blocking, lyrics and lines during performances, and repeatedly failed to show up for note sessions and rehearsals.
Quaid says the actors are part of a “pinko-commie organization” trying to destroy him. And it gets even better: Sources tell TMZ that Quaid’s wife Evi turned up at the Equity hearing for Quaid and “berated several Equity staff members, including a 76-year-old receptionist whom she allegedly kicked in the shins, drawing blood.” Evi says Equity staffers broke her finger while trying to bar her from the meeting; others say she was a screaming lunatic raving about a “Nazi plot” against her husband. (Are they commies or Nazis? Try to stay on message, Quaids.)

Riedel also hears that Evi e-mailed several actors in Lone Star Love, threatening to sue them unless they dropped the charges: “You have one last chance to stop this onerous campaign or else you will be drawn into a legal quagmire.” And she's even been on a calling campaign against the Commie Nazis; one actor reports trying to end an angry telephone harangue from Evi by saying, “I'd like to terminate this call.” Evi allegedly responded, “I'd like to terminate your existence on this planet.”

gothamist.com/2008/02/07/randy_quaids_an.php

and this...


Randy Quaid fined, banned for life by actors' union over Seattle imbroglio
Randy Quaid has been banned for life from Actors' Equity Association as the result of fellow actors' official complaints about his behavior...

By Misha Berson
Seattle Times theater critic

Randy Quaid has been banned for life from Actors' Equity Association as the result of fellow actors' official complaints about his behavior during the 2007 run of "Lone Star Love" at Seattle's 5th Avenue Theatre, reported The New York Post and Reuters this week.

The Post reported that he was fined $81,572 by the union for his actions here, the equivalent of two weeks' salary for the cast; all 26 members of the cast brought charges against Quaid, reported the Post, maintaining that he "physically and verbally abused his fellow performers and that his oddball behavior forced the show to close."

Rumors about Quaid's backstage behavior and that of his wife, Evi Quaid, circulated throughout the theater community during the 5th Avenue's September stand of "Lone Star Love." Citing illness, Quaid missed the final week of performances for the show, a musical adaptation of Shakespeare's "The Merry Wives of Windsor" that received lukewarm reviews.

5th Avenue Theatre artistic director David Armstrong told The Seattle Times last fall that he took the unusual, somewhat surprising step of making some remarks critical of Quaid's professionalism at the show's final performance here. "I wanted to acknowledge the [rest of the] company, who were a class act," Armstrong said. "They worked very hard under very, very difficult conditions."

Equity's ruling was decided in Los Angeles by a five-member hearing committee, said Equity spokeswoman Maria Somma, who would not comment on specifics of the case but did say the ruling can be appealed.

Reacting to Equity's decision, Quaid said, "I am guilty of only one thing: Giving a performance that elicited a response so deeply felt by the actors and producers with little experience of my creative process that they actually think I am Falstaff."

A planned run on Broadway of "Lone Star Love" was canceled immediately after the rocky Seattle run. The New York Post also reported that on Jan. 25, after actors from the show filed the Equity charges against Quaid, Evi Quaid appeared at Equity's offices in Los Angeles and demanded documents for the hearing. There was a physical altercation, which resulted in four Equity staffers getting temporary restraining orders against Evi Quaid, and Evi Quaid obtaining a restraining order against Equity, according to documents filed by the parties in California Superior Court.

--The Seattle Times

[Fran]

If, while working out in a gym, Randy Quaid picked up a copy of The New Yorker and started reading Brokeback Mountain, he would be so taken with the story that he would swipe the magazine so that he could finish reading it at home.

[memento]

If Randy Quaid played the part of a toxic waste expert and cannibal who tells his son "Eat your meat" in the film Parents, he would get a Hubbie Award Nomination for Best Actor.