Messages From The Heartland

[David In Indy]

One of my favorite cartoons as a child....

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jQkCInmRpM[/youtube]

[David In Indy]

That cheered me up so much,i was grinning like a cheshire cat !!!

I would love to finally end up living on the water, it is a long held dream of mine. Maybe one day !

I'm glad it cheered you up Fiona! That was the point, to make people laugh and smile.

[CellarDweller]

Happy Valentine's Day, David!

[Kelda]

David..

I saw your post in Fiona's blog about your Dad's fall and your panic attack.

I hope you two are feeling better today.

Kelda
xx

[Lynne]

Hi there, David,

Like Kelda, I also saw your post in Fiona's blog, and I wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.  You are a strong man, and I admire you for caring for your parents, now your father.  I hope he is OK after the fall?  It is the right thing to do, and the respectful thing.  You will never regret it.

I hope you know that if you ever want to talk, I am here for you.  I have some idea of what you're dealing with.  Although I haven't lost a parent, I'm still managing Mom's day-to-day care remotely.  I'm blessed because she has been in relatively good health for three years, allowing me a break of sorts.  I know it won't last, but for now, all is stable.

You know what I miss?  Helping Mom with her baths.  They were always a complete ordeal - she wasn't dirty, she'd just had one, yada yada...We'd have the electric space heater on full blast because she is so cold natured.  I'd just get naked and get in the tub with her (she was on a shower chair) because the whole bathroom would get wet and I'd be dripping with water and sweat anyhow.  She would fuss the entire time...I was going to freeze her to death...Why are you taking so long...I could have your grandmother in and out in five minutes.  Then I'd put conditioner in her hair - shampoo was sufficient, damn me all to hell!  And finally I would get her out, dry her off, lotion lots of places and powder others....dry her hair, get her back in warm clothes.  And she would give me a hug and tell me thank you. 

Parents.

Love,
Lynne

[jstephens9]

Hey David, yeah I saw your post in Fiona's thread too. I'm sure I probably said too much there and then I felt self centered. Anyway I was just letting you know that I can relate to what you are saying even though at this point I have not lost a parent. In some ways though I feel that I already did. I hope your father is doing ok.

[David In Indy]

Thanks Kelda, Lynne and Jack! I appreciate your concern!

Dad is fine. But it sure was scary seeing him laying on the kitchen floor. This isn't the first time its happened though. We went through this very same exact thing when Mom was so sick. She'd constantly fall - it got to the point where she was nearly falling on a daily basis - and we'd sometimes find her sitting in a pool of blood. She had leukemia and her blood didn't clot properly. So it looked much worse than it actually was at the time. Now that Dad is beginning to fall, it is bringing back many flashbacks of Mom, and I suppose that is why (in part) I find it so scary.

Dad is beginning to get very frail now, but he's still a large man. Not heavyset.. just muscular. And it is hard to get him back up when he falls. Also, I guess I've always thought of Dad as so big and strong and I'm beginning to see him start to whither away slowly. He's also starting to forget things. Today he drove himself to the dentist (he can still drive short distances by himself) but later on after he got back home he couldn't remember going there. The other day as he was coming out of Kroger's he got confused and couldn't remember going in there. He knew he had though, because he had a sack of groceries with him. He's also starting to forget to pay his bills. Dad and I are going to the bank this week or next so I can be added to his checking accounts and credit card accounts. That way I have access and if he forgets to pay something, I can do it for him.

This is getting to be a lot of work though, with my own R/L, my job and now all of this, not to mention all the various family problems going on right now that must be sorted out from time to time.

Thanks again for your concern! I sure do appreciate it. Fortunately his fall the other day wasn't serious. Lynne, I think that is so sweet how you used to get into the bathtub with your Mom. I'm sure she appreciated that. Dad has his own shower stall in his bathroom, and he bathes himself. At least for now...

[Kelda]

(((David))))

[optom3]

David you have always been so very kind to me and although  I have not lost  a parent, I had to look after my mum and dad full time when my dad fell off the roof and smashed his hip.
I can only imagine what hard work it must be as the 3 weeks I had nearly drove me scatty. My mum is a full time hypochondriac and is so demanding I had hardly any time to look after my dad (who I adore) and who really did need help when he came out of hospital. My mum even conspired to be "more " ill then my dad  so It was even difficult for me to visit him in hospital.
She refused to move in with me which would have made things a little easier, with a full time job, dad in hospital and 3 kids.
 I am also so desperatley sorry to read you are having panic attacks, they are just the worst and I can only sympathise, nothing seems to make them go away.
I do not know how you manage trying to work, look after your dad and cope with your own issues, you must be worn out. It seems so unfair that you have already gone through so much with your mum. There must be a horrible feeling of deja vue.
Know that I am thinking of you and hoping you get some respite, at least from the panics. Sent with love and big hugs, you have been a really good friend and counsellor for me and if nothing else, I hope that knowing I am here with you in my thoughts helps a little. I know it always helps me.

[Lynne]

Thanks Kelda, Lynne and Jack! I appreciate your concern!

Dad is fine. But it sure was scary seeing him laying on the kitchen floor. This isn't the first time its happened though. We went through this very same exact thing when Mom was so sick. She'd constantly fall - it got to the point where she was nearly falling on a daily basis - and we'd sometimes find her sitting in a pool of blood. She had leukemia and her blood didn't clot properly. So it looked much worse than it actually was at the time. Now that Dad is beginning to fall, it is bringing back many flashbacks of Mom, and I suppose that is why (in part) I find it so scary.

Dad is beginning to get very frail now, but he's still a large man. Not heavyset.. just muscular. And it is hard to get him back up when he falls. Also, I guess I've always thought of Dad as so big and strong and I'm beginning to see him start to whither away slowly. He's also starting to forget things. Today he drove himself to the dentist (he can still drive short distances by himself) but later on after he got back home he couldn't remember going there. The other day as he was coming out of Kroger's he got confused and couldn't remember going in there. He knew he had though, because he had a sack of groceries with him. He's also starting to forget to pay his bills. Dad and I are going to the bank this week or next so I can be added to his checking accounts and credit card accounts. That way I have access and if he forgets to pay something, I can do it for him.

This is getting to be a lot of work though, with my own R/L, my job and now all of this, not to mention all the various family problems going on right now that must be sorted out from time to time.

Thanks again for your concern! I sure do appreciate it. Fortunately his fall the other day wasn't serious. Lynne, I think that is so sweet how you used to get into the bathtub with your Mom. I'm sure she appreciated that. Dad has his own shower stall in his bathroom, and he bathes himself. At least for now...

I'm very glad the fall wasn't serious, David.  I don't know if my stories are helpful or not - if not, just say so and I'll let be.  I think I've told this one before...

Before we realized that Mom really did need watching 24/7, I came home late from work about 10:00 to see my (now her) kitties milling about in the kitchen, fussing and mewling, and twirling around my legs.  I immediately knew something was wrong because they always slept with Mom.  And sure enough, she'd gone to the bathroom and slipped.  She wasn't hurt that time and we bragged about the kitties being such good nurses.   

No one has any clue how much work caretaking is until they have done it.  And holding down a job and managing the rest of life's issues, as you say, can get near impossible.  It sounds like you're doing all the right things.  Try to squeeze in some time for yourself here and there if possible...you'll have more stamina and sanity that way.

{{{{{{David}}}}}}