parents, kids, and people who used to be kids

[Jeff Wrangler]

Was the yellow Power Ranger a girl? I notice her top seems different from the other two. What did they do, anyway?

And at age 48 there is still an awful lot of kid in me. I still have--carefully preserved--my favorite childhood toys. I collect model trains (and play with--er, run--them), I collect toy soldiers (not fancy metal ones, the plastic ones of my childhood--but I don't play with them), I like to put on funny clothes and a sword and go to Renaissance faires and medieval reenactments.

Growing older chronologically is mandatory. Growing up is optional. 

[serious crayons]

There's one good thing about all this peer pressure about stuff marketed to kids. At least the kids want to buy stuff that's actually available. Whether I'll be saying that when he gets to the age of Katherine's kids is another matter entirely...

Well, my kids want stuff that's actually available, all right. Affording it is another question. Almost nothing they want costs less than three digits. My son's birthday was last week, and all he wanted was money, because he knew I wouldn't spend enough to buy any of the concrete things he wants. I did get him a few little things, though, with mixed results.

Side note to Colorado residents, particularly those interested in geology: One thing I gave him that he claims to actually like is a copy of James Michener's "Centennial," a fictionalized history of Colorado from 3.6 billion years ago to present. I read it a looooonnnnggg time ago, but I remember it as being pretty compelling. My son claims he'll read it, but we'll see -- he's technically capable of the reading, but then it is 1,038 pages long. For $8, I figured it's worth the gamble.

After all, 1,038 pages is only one page longer than "Gone With the Wind," a book I'd read more than once by the time I was his age. But my son is a boy, and far more energetic than I ever was.

[Jeff Wrangler]

(And with all the toys, Jeff, I hope you at least get to be an uncle or an honorary uncle for some kid. I know mine would really love to sit and watch a model train go around and around. He's even gotten pretty good about just watching, and not trying to touch things that are delicate. Though he likes to follow them and watch them go through tunnels. If you ever do take a trip West, you should really come out here... I live in a great town for a model train enthusiast. )

Nope, nobody's uncle here. No brothers or sisters, so no nieces or nephews. I kinda sorta usedta be a kinda honorary uncle to my best high school buddy's two boys, who are now almost full grown (one got his driver's license this year--eeew). That amounted to getting then each a toy at Christmas and a book on their birthdays. Probably just as well it didn't involve more, since kids scare the dickens out of me! 

[ednbarby]

Just wanted to chime in late on the Wizard of Oz thing - no way will I let Will see that until he's *at least* 8 years old.  I had nightmares for literally years about those damned monkeys, and the Wicked Witch of the West, especially in that scene where the nasty old hag on the bike turns into her while Dorothy's house is flying around, about made me pee myself the first time I saw it at four or five (and I was long since potty trained by that point).  And I may *never* let him watch Bambi.  Or The Yearling.  Or :shudder: Old Yeller.  Good God, I still feel a chill when I think of any of those.

Here are the two issues I'm dealing with right now:

1.) He very rarely will stay in his room all night.  Almost invariably, he ends up climbing in with us/me and waking our asses up.  He said it was too dark, so we put in a night light.  He said it was still too dark, so we left his door open with the hall light on.  Then it was too light.  We found a compromise by toning the hall light down a little and only partially opening his door.  Then he said he didn't like his bed - it was uncomfortable.  We got him a new bed (he was due anyway - he'd been in a toddler bed he was outgrowing) that he picked out and loved, complete with new Spider-Man sheets, he stayed in there for two nights straight and we thought we'd finally found the answer, but now he's "scared" again.  Will we ever get to fully enjoy our own bedroom in peace again as long as he's living in the same house with us?

2.) Everything is an argument.  You say to him, "You can have pizza or fish sticks tonight for dinner.  Which would you like?"  He says, "I want a cheeseburger!"  This just happened yesterday.  He'd been whining off and on all day about nothing.  Finally, Ed was at the end of his tether and he said, "Do you want to stop whining, or do you want to be punished?"  He goes, "I don't want to stop whining AND I don't want to be punished."  GAH!!!  THERE IS NO OPTION C!!!  How can we get this across to him?  Or are we giving him choices too often to begin with?

[Jeff Wrangler]

I know this is no help to Barb or anybody, but I can't help but remember that I got over needing to sleep with a night light because I was even more afraid of fire than I was of the dark.

My mother bought new curtains for my room, long ones, that hung down over the electrical outlet where the night light was plugged in. I was afraid the night light would set the curtains on fire. End of sleeping with a night light.

Hadn't thought of that memory in years. ...

[serious crayons]

  Or are we giving him choices too often to begin with?

Giving choices is one of those parenting magazine solutions I was referring to earlier, that sound good on paper but I've found rarely work in practice. Like the one about how if your kid is headed for a meltdown, just plunk him into nice warm soothing bath -- which is really helpful when you're standing in the checkout line at Target. Or if the meltdown is about taking a bath in the first place. 

Barb, Will's quote sounds about whining like something my son said when he was about 2. My husband told him that if he didn't stop whatever it was he was doing he (my husband) would put him (my son) in time out. My son -- three-foot-tall elf wearing footie pajamas, hands on hips, chest puffed out -- shoots back, "No! I will put YOU in time out!"

[ednbarby]

Giving choices is one of those parenting magazine solutions I was referring to earlier, that sound good on paper but I've found rarely work in practice. Like the one about how if your kid is headed for a meltdown, just plunk him into nice warm soothing bath -- which is really helpful when you're standing in the checkout line at Target. Or if the meltdown is about taking a bath in the first place. 

Barb, Will's quote sounds about whining like something my son said when he was about 2. My husband told him that if he didn't stop whatever it was he was doing he (my husband) would put him (my son) in time out. My son -- three-foot-tall elf wearing footie pajamas, hands on hips, chest puffed out -- shoots back, "No! I will put YOU in time out!"

Well, I'm glad I'm not alone in my disgruntlement about the choices thing.  Screw "Parents" magazine - here's what *really* works.  "Will - dinner time."  "What are we having?"  "Fish sticks."  "But I want a cheeseburger."  "Well, we're having fish sticks tonight.  We'll have cheeseburgers some other time."  "Can we please have cheeseburgers tomorrow night?"  "Since you just asked so nicely, sure, I don't see why not."  The End.

And Jeff, funny how that works.  I think I'm on the brink of having Will convinced that he'll have just as many bad dreams in our bedroom as he'll have in his own - that the sleep location has nothing to do with it.  Unfortunately, many times the truth is the hardest thing to sell to little kids.  I have to resist breaking down and telling him that the monster lives in *my* closet, not his (which is true to some extent if you think of monsters in abstract terms - I'm hiding more than a few skeletons in there, not to mention all the excess baggage).

[cmr107]

Growing older chronologically is mandatory. Growing up is optional. 

So true. I'm not expecting to ever really grow up. It's more fun this way! 

[cmr107]

And I may *never* let him watch Bambi.  Or The Yearling.  Or :shudder: Old Yeller.  Good God, I still feel a chill when I think of any of those.

I don't think I've ever seen any of those. Wow.

[Ellemeno]

Glad I found this thread!

Halloween costume: Thank you, O universe, that M wants to be a black kitty cat.  She already has a black turtleneck, black leggings, and I miraculously HAPPENED on little black and orang kitty ears on a headband at Walgreen's the other day, that she miraculously actually finds comfortable to wear.  She's been practicing (and practicing and practicing) her tiny, high-pitched kitty mew, and pretending to scratch the furniture with her tiny kitty claws.   If I get it together by the time she needs it, I may make a tail, but I don't think it will occur to her first to want one.  And we'll use black marker right on her face (whoo-hoo!) to make whiskers and the tiny kitty nose.  She loves drawing all over herself with marker, so that'll be a thrill.  

BTW, her first Halloween, when she was 7 months old, she was a little purple cowgirl, with some purple cowgirl boots I happened on in Old Navy.  

Birthday efforts:  For the last two years, we have made it a specia adventure to go to the local megamarket, for her to choose her own birthday cake for them to make, and then more fun to go pick it up the day of the party.  She knows that her Aunt D makes all her own birthday cakes, but so far does not judge her own Mommy as a slacker who does things the easiest way possible.

Food, Pickiness around:  M is pretty good about eating a pretty wide variety of fruits and vegs.  (Katherine, I was thrilled to hear you have a vegetarian, Miranda is too.)  And doesn't really know a whole lot about candy yet, just that it happens at some special events we go to.  She still accepts what I told her once, that all the candy displays in the grocery store are "big kid" candy.  I can't believe she hasn't argued that one yet.  She also knows that at dinner, if she wants more mac & cheese, I will say, "Sure, have two more broccolis while I get it for you."  And she eats the brocs.  She's not at all compliant in some regards, but the food thing is usually okay.

We have a family coming over tonight to join us for dinner, and when I called the mom to ask what would make a successful meal, I found out that their little 3 year old will only eat spaghetti with butter and cheese, and that cauliflower is her only vegetable.  So that's what I'm serving (with sauce and other things on the side).

MY cringe:  M started preschool a month ago, and the teachers tell me she sometimes doesn't act like she hears them when they direct her to do something.  "Have you had her hearing checked?" they asked.  Um, no, I'm pretty sure she has the ears of a bat, considering she yells, "Siren!  Siren!" about 30 seconds before I can hear it approaching.  It's just that her Mommy and Daddy aren't always very, you know, consistent with followthrough when we ask her to do something.  So she's not used to being as cooperative as a preschool full of kids might require her to be.  So we are working on that.