Author Topic: I miss you on weekends  (Read 145174 times)

Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #110 on: January 11, 2007, 11:53:14 pm »
I want the sheep job! Jeez, a hunnered dollars a day! Itchy I bet.....

I know exactly what you mean about being left out, it feels like rejection, like an assault on your self worth. It is hard at your age, and takes time to grow out of, thru self confidence, knowing what you want. People your age are often portrayed as having a "pack mentality", which I know is a sterortype. Its okay to feel that way, just don't let it get the best of you.

Yes, go to the career center, but no just because Bill is going. Ask yourself, what if I do this and at the last minute he does not. Will this still be the a path I am intereted in taking? I hope the answer will be yes, but cannot wish for you. It is hard, nigh-on impossible for someon under 25 to know what they want to do with their life, but computors and gamining is a good area to develop skills in.

And that's my rant. 8)

his mom is forcing him to go, but he got to choose what class he gets to study. Cool beans, and thanks, i'm probably going to go.
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #111 on: January 13, 2007, 11:40:04 pm »
two days that effected my live forever


1/12

I won my school's short story contest! I went crazy, it was so cool, and twisted. The 12th was the last day of our semester, and like i said before, Bill has lunch with me again.

Bill congratulated me by running up to me in the hall and jumping on me :laugh: I remembered seeing him in the corner of my eye, but it was too late. At lunch, he said he was 'stoked' for me! He was super excited, and he said how i might get money for winning. Oddly, the lights go out while we were in the gym so it was half-lit. Very cool, we came closer as friends on Friday. Of course, my ex tried to ruin it by sending me a 'depressing' note about her 'not loving me anymore' and 'not caring about anything'. A very compulsive letter since we hadn't talked in months. She's an idiot, and i'll say that now.

Bill gave me a sculpture he made for Art. Its of a fat guy rubbing his stomach, and with no face.

he called it

THE FAT MAN
The ultimate sign of greed.

LOL!

My mom went nuts when i told her i won the contest. She gave me a passionate 'chop to the chest'.

1/13


Movie day!!!!!


I got to talk to Bill for 5 minutes on the phone :D

then he and his sister come to pick me up. He knocks on the wrong door (i live in a duplex).

God, he can eat a lot! We went to Burger King and he got food there, then we got to the movies and bought a lot of junk food (which i paid for), and he ate most of it. We got to go to E-B games, which was cool.

He kinda asked if i could stay the night, and i said my mom wouldn't care, but when we got into the theaters, and he called his mom, she said their water well broke.

Damn
DAmn
DAMn
DAMN

DAMN!!!!!

but his sister sat next to us, and said (jokingly) 'yeah, we are just going to crash right here, since this is suppose to be a family thing'. And Bill turns to me and says "shit, you are family".  :'(


We went and saw Primeval--who knew it was about a killer crocodile?

Bill commentated on everything, which didn't bother me too much, i kinda joined in on it too.  ::)


On the 30 minute ride home, Bill did nothing but play game boy, so we talked very little, but we both did head bang to 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' by Def Lepard.

I gave his sister a rib-crushing hug, and she asked if Bill gets one and i said no...


So she took his, LOL, and i left with a handshake, and sadness.


I almost got locked out, because i brought the wrong keys >:(
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #112 on: January 26, 2007, 05:28:10 pm »
As of late, my life has gotten much better (well, kinda)


So I'm now going to the career center for Interactive Media, which is very popular, and Bill is also going.


1/23/07

So i stayed after school for Drama Club, and Bill's mom's girlfriend didn't pick him up, so we just stood out in the cold, and talked for an hour. What a great moment. It was horrid watching him leave, his sister came and got us.

I gave him a copy of my short story - i can't wait to hear what he thinks!


Lynne, thanks so much for the book! I like it a lot, and its nice to read stories i can relate to. I got it a couple of days ago, but i've been busy, so i'm not done, yet. Thanks again!


My sister got her son back! I think i told you guys that he was kidnapped by his father.

My family is doing too well at the moment. We got a lot of money, and we're looking for a new house. I want a dog, or a cat - just an animal!

My little brother was forced to come out by my mother. :( She embarassed him (unintentionally) in front of me. He had been looking up gay related material on the computer, and mother saw it...he cried, and i felt so bad. I confronted my mom later, and told her that what she did was in bad taste. She didn't make fun of him, but she just made him feel embarassed, and i nearly got sick. She still doesn't know that i'm gay, and hopefully she will never!  ;D I've been thinking about coming out to my brother, to tell/show him that being gay is okay. I'm not sure yet.

My favorite past times at the moment are playng Okami, and going to school ;)



Peace

ps




I love Bill
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline Lumière

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #113 on: January 26, 2007, 06:44:11 pm »
Hey Phoenix!

I been wondering how you been doing this past while!  :)


My little brother was forced to come out by my mother. :( She embarassed him (unintentionally) in front of me. He had been looking up gay related material on the computer, and mother saw it...he cried, and i felt so bad. I confronted my mom later, and told her that what she did was in bad taste. She didn't make fun of him, but she just made him feel embarassed, and i nearly got sick. She still doesn't know that i'm gay, and hopefully she will never!  ;D I've been thinking about coming out to my brother, to tell/show him that being gay is okay. I'm not sure yet.

If you can, I really think you should talk to your little brother, share with him .. I am certain that he will draw alot from you being able to confide in him and to let him know that he is okay and that there is nothing wrong with him.  I am sure that he will appreciate the fact that you won't judge him or embarrass him.  Please think about this, I think you'd be helping him out a good deal ..  :) 

You may not feel like coming out to your mother just now, but maybe with time, you will see that it is nothing for you to be ashamed of .. I hope the time comes when you feel that the time is right for you to tell her.   :)

All the best, friend ..

~M


Offline Shakesthecoffecan

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #114 on: January 30, 2007, 06:05:35 pm »
Hey Bud, we could benefit from your imput on the Safe Haven thread. If you have any suggestions as to resources someone in you age bracket and location could benefit from, please let us know about them.

Yes, by all means tell your brother, when the time is right and your comfortable with it.
"It was only you in my life, and it will always be only you, Jack, I swear."

Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #115 on: February 02, 2007, 05:06:03 pm »
That would be cool, if i started a thread about being a gay teen, but how many gay teens come here??

This week has been soooooo stressful. I feel like i've been fighting for nothing.


Well, Monday (1/29) i had a minor anxiety attack in Science. I was hyperventilating for about a minute, until i calmed myself down. No one noticed, thank god. It was over lunch, and how i was so pissed off at myself, and Bill, and everyone. Nothing went my way, and i just hated (hate) myself for it. I'm going through a self-loathing thing at the moment.


I swear to god if Bill insults my intelligence one more time, i'm going to kill him >:(

I hate it, whether he does it on purpose or not. And i ALWAYS say the wrong thing.

My sister and nephew are spending the weekend at my house, and today is my older, homophobic, brother's birthday.

I hate saying goodbye, its horrid, and i don't want him to go to Arizona after we graduate.


I could use some wine now.


I'm failing math, and probably Science too, i'm not happy anymore. All my poems are about being deprived of someone, and i just don't see how the other homosexual members made it through their teen years.
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline Lumière

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #116 on: February 02, 2007, 05:16:53 pm »
Phoenix ..

Do visit the Safe Haven board.  I am sure that there are many stories there that you could draw from, stories from others who have been where you are now.  Do check it out.  :)

~M


Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #117 on: February 08, 2007, 05:47:30 pm »
I'll check out the Safe Haven when i have enough time :)


RIP Anna Nicole Smith. She was beautiful, funny, and i really liked her. It's a damn shame too, her son just died.


Life isn't fair.




So...Monday (2/5/07) Me and Bill went to the movies. We saw Epic Movie (4/10). We talked about making a movie together, and/or having a band.


Well.....he spent the night at my house.


Nothing happened. It was cool, but i still felt very hurt. We had great, odd conversations, and when we went to sleep he even said 'i'm not going to rape you, or anything.' Too bad ;D


Anyways, i felt horrible, and i cried through the one hour of sleep i got that day.

We played video games, and got on the computer A LOT! That's all we did.

When he left, we gave one of those 'guy hugs' and shook hands. He said he loved it at my house, and that made me smile. I had to take a shower after he left. I felt like i was going to die.


overall, i was disappointed with our sleepover. I just felt like crap, but next time will be better. Today i lied and told him i had fun and that we had to do it again. He said 'definitely' which made me happy.

Yesterday was the most emotional day of my life. It was the first time in years that i felt like killing myself. It was just like getting into a car wreck and then made to run a race.


Bill tells me a song on the CD i made him messes up, and i said 'i guess i'm not that good of a friend' and then i walked away as he talked on....

He didn't sit with me at lunch...he was too busy sitting with Kelly. She just broke up with her boyfriend, and has been starving herself, and i think Bill likes her. How am i suppose to beat that? Fucking liar, he told me he wasn't ready for a girl in his live, and i know he likes her, because he's giving up the last dance of the school year to go to Kelly's house for her birthday.



I talked to my sister on the phone yesterday, and though i don't feel suicidal anymore, i feel like crap. Nothing is good enough to curtain the cold--and Bill is still sitting with Kelly.
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Scott6373

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #118 on: February 08, 2007, 05:52:40 pm »
Hey buddy.  Anytime you wanna check out Safe Haven is cool.

Don't worry about what Bill is doing.  His choices have nothing to do with you.  You jusy pay attention to yourself.  If ya ever need an ear...I'm here, there and everywhere...God I gotta get a life :)

Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #119 on: February 11, 2007, 01:35:00 pm »
I just came out to my mom last night....


I had to, i had a terrible time at the dance, and she saw the look on my face, and i just cried.


I'm pretty depressed at the moment, but it's cool, i think.

"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k