Author Topic: I miss you on weekends  (Read 70434 times)

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #200 on: July 09, 2007, 03:13:00 am »
i'm trying to get rid of this obsession! I can't stop thinking about him. PLEASE someone tell me how i should deal with this. I've told myself that he's straight, but i can't help but feel twitter-patted with him (twitter-patted means 'falling in love' it's from Bambi  :)   )   i think i already fell. that makes me a sad panda

but, i'm trying...


I really like Billie Holiday's music

i'm listening to her duet with Louie Armstrong "My Funny Valentine"

beautiful


You need to MOURN your loss of Bill.  I've attached a file depicting the grieving process.   It's not linear.  You don't go from step 1 to step 2 ...  It's also NORMAL to have a hard time with grief.
Everyone is different.  In a way I kinda envy you.  I have to mourn losses which are no longer alive.  The support group here at Bettermost has been great.   If you still feel really, really bad after 3 or 4 months then I would suggest seeing a pdoc (psychiatrist) to get you on some anti-depressants.   They don't take the pain away but they help you cope...  But they also can cause teenagers to become suicidal and I don't know how old you are.  I used my high school counselor in 1969 and came out to him and told him of my struggles.  It was his first year on the job after graduate school.   He sure got a winner with me - but it DID help. So a professional to talk with can really help too.

BTW, Milli's James Dean Wall is superb, isn't it?  SO WAS YOUR's!

I'm also a Billie Holiday fan.  In her 2 disc Collector CD from Decca there is a duet with Louis Armstrong called "My Sweet Hunk Of Trash."  Her cover of "All The Way" in stereo from one of her last recording sessions at Verve is simply stunning.  Her voice was pretty harsh by then but she uses it to advantage on this cut.  For some reason I really get into dead female siingers: Judy Garland, Billie Holiday, Karen Carpenter, Patsy Cline.   But I like k.d. lang too. LOL

If nothing else, remember this:  All of us CARE about you here at Bettermost!

peace~ :-*
br. patrick

« Last Edit: July 09, 2007, 03:23:39 am by Br. Patrick »
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Lumière

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #201 on: July 09, 2007, 03:47:04 am »
If nothing else, remember this:  All of us CARE about you here at Bettermost!


Exactly.  What Brother P. said!  :)

take care,
~M


Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #202 on: July 09, 2007, 06:31:04 pm »
THANK YOU!!! Both of you


i love the JD picture. The one in the middle's from Giant too. But thanks, it's wonderful  :D


i know, i'm actually trying to be harsh and tell myself...i'll try and with the 'steps' i'll be even better, so thank you too  :-*


i'm sorry you've had losses, as i can't fathom what it would be like. I yearn for compassion


billie holiday's voice might of changed over time, but i still loved it. She was great
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline Kelda

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #203 on: July 12, 2007, 06:13:33 pm »
whats with the name change rebel??

xx
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Offline Lumière

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #204 on: July 12, 2007, 06:45:08 pm »

billie holiday's voice might of changed over time, but i still loved it. She was great

I am guessing you've listened to her song "Strange fruit"..
It makes the angels weep .. :)
So haunting.


Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #205 on: July 13, 2007, 12:11:46 pm »
better have nothing than sadness.


'sadness' makes me feel like a victim.


happy Friday the 13th, last Friday the 13th was the worst day of my life, and i had cried in my sleep.

i've never heard Strange fruit, but i'm downloading it now  ;)


Me and Bill got into a fight. He was undermining my feelings, but i was drinking.....i left a voice mail on his phone that wasn't supposed to get to him (i was going to erase it, and record another one instead) but i accidentally closed my phone. It made him feel like shit, he said, he just wanted to shoot himself, i guess. Finally he knows how i feel everytime i talk to him.


But i didn't mean to hurt him. The whole next day i waited for him to call. Life was hectic that day (yesterday). Everyone was fighting and in a bad mood. I hate my family.


well, when Bill did call me (at 9:30 at night!) he was depressed/pissed off. He told me about the voice mail, and i apologized (as he wasn't supposed to get that one.) Then he said 'that's all i wanted.'


that kinda made me angry. He wasn't apologizing for hurting MY FEELINGS!! And he said he didn't know he did, but when i was on the phone to him the day before (when he upset me) i told him about it, and he even said something that showed that he knew, but didn't care. I don't think he does, to be honest, he just won't admit it. That really pissed me off. What about my feelings? He can't handle ANYTHING.

but then, he's more concerned with our mutual friend Keli, because he told her that i was mad at her....than with me and my feelings. He said he always hurts my feelings, so basically, he was blaming it on me. I told him that i needed to hang up before i said something i'd regret....and trust me, i could of said a lot.
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline Shakesthecoffecan

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #206 on: July 13, 2007, 01:32:21 pm »
I can relate to your name change, and I see it as a positive step.

You and Bill and Kelli are all taking steps to learn how to communicate as adults, and it is a process full of trial and error, and some lessons are hard ones. For me it was the ones that come with alcohol consumption. I have left thoses messages too, worse that that.

One day at a time friend, one breath at a time.
"It was only you in my life, and it will always be only you, Jack, I swear."

Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #207 on: July 13, 2007, 02:47:00 pm »



          A least you are thinking in terms of what you should do.  Many people more especially teens, don't even make concious decisions..They just react.
Some times in a positive way, and some times in a negative one.  So keep thinking before you say something you will regret.  Keep thinking before you do something you will regret as well.   That is a life lesson you have already learned at your age.  Thats very positive indeed.                       janice 



     Beautiful mind

Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #208 on: July 13, 2007, 08:23:21 pm »
thanks



just got into a fight with my mom. She called Bill's mom and her girl friend "dyke bitches."


i got mad, because that's a homophobic, and rude statement. Why would you say something homophobic in front of a homosexual? She knows i'm gay. But she just kept on raising her voice. I wanted to jump out of the car when we were at the traffic light. I was pretty calm to her until we got home, than i just got nasty. I don't regret it either.


Bill jokingly called me a *****forgive my language*************
















cocksucker today on myspace. We often will jokingly call each other 'bitches' when we're play-fighting. But he's called me things like a cocksucker, and a fudge-packer, and i HATE IT. It really hurts my feelings, and they come out of nowhere. Why would he call me those things, when he knows it would piss me off, and make me feel like crap? When he called me a fudge-packer, i told him that that wasn't nice, and he apologized. But than he calls me a cocksucker......i'm over it, but that stung. And i told him to learn from his mistakes for once.

and he said he would.

but then yesterday he promised he would call today, but he hasn't and probably won't, because he's at Allen's (a friend).


it's pointless
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #209 on: July 14, 2007, 12:37:17 am »
Bill is being passive aggressive with you....for reasons of his own. But you don't need people in your life that use you to make them feel better....that is not your job.

{{Phoenix}}