Theres no doubt about it, seems the time and date, as well as the emotion felt, on first seeing Brokeback, stands out in our memory, like the death of JFK, or Princess Diana and other world memorable events.
I've probably told this story before on here, about how I went off to the theatre thinking Brokeback Mountain was a "gay cowboy movie", and that drew me to go see it, actually quite curious how they were going to depict a couple of gay cowboys in the old west, toting gun belts and revolvers and riding a horse.
Well the first scene changed that outlook immediately, the date on the screen showed me this was the sixties, not back in the 1800's, and they were going to herd SHEEP not cattle....when I think about how naieve I was about this movie back then, and yet know so much now.
As I've written here before, I sat there spellbound, as so many flashes of my own life seemed to be written into the story line. Me taking the part of one of Ennis's daughters. I sat there watcing, thinking how could someone know so much about the life of my dad, my mum and me...here it was up on screen.
I walked out of the theatre in a daze, so many things going through my head, like a jigsaw puzzle with the pieces falling into place, and over the next day or two, many more pieces fell into place.
I had grown up from age 7, when my parents separated, in a world where my dad had a male partner, who we visited, and stayed with on holidays on a regular basis for the next 14 years, in the same era as Brokeback was set. And yet here I was in my mid 50's and for the first time I looked at dad's partnership as a loving, emotional and sexual one. Even though I new in my teen years that they were homosexuals, and dad had sat me down at that time to try to explain things, I still had no idea of the kind of relationship they had. Maybe its the same as a child/teen in a house with a mother and father, they dont think about them being emotionally or sexually involved.....was the same thing. In all those years back then, I had never witnessed romance between them, when I stayed with them on holidays, I dont remember them even sleeping in the same bed.
So, here I am, watching Brokeback Mountain, and for the first time, I saw a different side to their partnership, and was sad and angry that I never realized they had had that, not to mention the fear and paranoi of getting caught, as in those days it was illegal. It was like I was knowing it all for the first time....and it took me to my mid 50's to know it.
My dad was gone, so I couldnt even talk to him about it. I guess thats why, I searched for others to share my feelings, thinking naievly again, that maybe MY feelings were unique, then being overwhelmed to find so many others that were touched in such a special way by this movie.
